Silence ushers peace

We live in a fast paced activity packed world. Everyone seems to be in a tearing hurry and wants to achieve much in a short time frame. It is a age of "instant" everything. This is especially true for urban and developed centers. For instance, I have seen people commuting in public transportation, listening to their music system and reading some magazine and texting messages at the same time.

When we tax and push our brains to the limit in this manner, it leaves us dizzy and stressed. We are overcome with fatigue but we fight it off with some medication. In the hope of living life to the fullest, we end up with health issues affecting body and mind. In such situations, is it a wonder that we become irritable and with low tolerance levels ?

Mahatma Gandhi used to observe silence one day a week. On such days, he would avoid verbal communication and used to write if there was a dire need. In silence, his entire system would slow down. This is like a combination of meditation and fasting. It gave him huge strength and courage to face the challenges of the world. Yet, it made him peaceful, calm and controlled. There is a free 10 day course on Vipassana Meditation, available in India and few other countries, which uses silence very effectively.

When we practice silence, we are really going deeply inwards. Our other senses get enhanced and we absorb much more. We start observing our thoughts as they arise without feeling the urge to do anything about it. When we practice silence, we learn to accept things as they are without being reactive. Silence is the process through which we communicate to God.

“In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in a clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness. Our life is a long and arduous quest after truth.” - Mahatma Gandhi

"It is better to be silent and be considered a genius, than speaking aloud and disclosing our ignorance" - Vishwanath Seshadri

Tolerance makes us strong

When we see an unacceptable behaviour, we typically begin to get hot under the collar. We lose our patience and begin to fume. Depending on the level of irritation and the situation, we may get provoked to speak out our minds and even take other forms of action. Taking the initiative to make a change is good. It indicates courage and a spirit of bravado. I am reminded of many revolutionary freedom movements which were successful due to this.

However, intolerance is good only in certain situations. If this becomes our second nature, it could lead serious consequences and breakup of relationships. I have seen people priding themselves in being intolerant. They make statements like “I just can’t tolerate this” or “I have tolerated this for too long”. There are many situations where tolerance is a virtue and makes us stronger.

The key requirements for tolerance are patience, maturity and a broad mind. Instead of being reactive, if we become “reflective”, it will help us see things with a wider perspective. Viewed with a long term perspective, small irritants seem insignificant. We learn to take things lightly and overlook them. In children, we see high levels of tolerance as they do not have high expectations and they have the knack of acceptance.

With tolerance, we gain control over ourselves. People who have control over themselves are strong indeed and have the magnetism to be able to control others. When we are tolerant, people get a sense of comfort dealing with us. Our relationship network expands and so does our ability to influence others.

“Until you have learned to be tolerant with those who do not always agree with you, you will be neither successful nor happy” - Napoleon Hill

"The highest result of education is tolerance." - Helen Keller

“He that can't endure the bad will not live to see the good.” Yiddish Proverb

“In the practice of tolerance, one’s enemy is one’s best teacher” - Anonymous

Be clean

Everyone will readily agree with the title. After all, we have learnt while still as kids that "Cleanliness is next only to Godliness". A question to address ourselves would be in order here. Do we practice what we know ? If we do a mental audit of all our activities, will we get a reasonably high score ?

In India, it is a tradition not to wear footwear inside the house. As soon as we come back home, we need to wash our hands and legs before doing anything. Similarly, there are cleanliness rules for other occasions. Thanks to the influence of various cultural invasions into the country, many of our healthy practices are getting replaced by "modern" practices.

When we think of cleanliness, we should not just restrict it to ourselves. We need to keep our homes and surroundings clean too. It cannot be ignored under the presumption that it is someone else's responsibility. It can be clearly seen that the spread of various contagious diseases is contained if we keep ourselves and our environment hygienic.

Most importantly, we need to watch our minds too. Do we have clean thoughts? When we do get unclean thoughts, do we take the efforts to purify our minds? Are we obsessed with the desire to be clean? If we are, we can be rest assured that our lives will be healthy and happy. And by watching us, others will also get influenced to do likewise.

Lets resolve now to enhance the cleanliness in our lives.

"Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world." - George Bernard Shaw

"You make the world a better place by making yourself a better person."- Scott Sorrell

A question of confidence

Very often motivational speakers and writers exhort people to live life with high self-confidence (HSC). They tell people that if you have HSC, you can achieve anything. Your credibility and charisma get enhanced when you have that attitude of HSC. Your communication becomes stronger and people tend to trust those who have HSC. Perhaps, I too have covered this in an earlier blog.

As children, we have often received contrary communication and advice. Our parents, elders and teachers have told us not to get over confident (OC). They tell us, especially before tests and exams, that we need to prepare well and keep revising our studies without becoming OC. If we are OC, we tend to become negligent and casual and it may reflect poorly on our results. As adults, we are told this more subtly in order not to offend us.

Both views are correct. When there is a question of what level of confidence is right, there is no right answer. If our standards are too high, we might become too critical and start having self doubts. Our nervousness is a sure indicator of disaster lying ahead. Likewise, if our standards are low, we might start taking things for granted. This creates an impression of arrogance or nonchalance leading to a different set of negative results. One has to be balanced and moderate while evaluating oneself.

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life the laws of the universe will be simpler" - Thoreau

"If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint,' then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced" - Vincent Van Gogh

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" – Eleanor Roosevelt

"I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within. It is there all the time.” – Anna Freud

Admit your mistakes

Many years ago I had read a story which made a deep impression on me. It was about a group of boys who, whilst playing a game of cricket, had broken the window of a neighbour. While most of the kids ran away in fear, there was one brave lad who stood his ground and, when the neighbour came, took ownership for the accident. The neighbour, pleasantly surprised at the boy's honesty, forgave him. It was a powerful story which talked about courage, honesty etc.

How many of us behave in that manner? How many of us have the boldness to acknowledge mistakes that we, as humans, sometimes commit? What is the point in pretending to be super-humans or perfect beings incapable of committing any error? When we admit to an error, we are not only being honest but are also making an unspoken promise to be more careful in the future. This is quite similar to the intention of confessing our sins in church. People start trusting those who have this quality in them.

Some people presume that denial is the best method. It gives them a feeling of ego boost, because they have not admitted any mistake. In reality, they cut a sorry figure in front of others when denying mistakes. There are some people who, when confronted, will start making counter allegations to divert attention. Alternatively, they will go to great lengths to defend their positions. They convince no one but, perhaps, themselves in the process.

The first step towards any progress is acceptance. We can make a move to a better position only when we agree that our current position is weak. If we feel everything we do is "perfect", we begin to stagnate. When we adamantly deny, we risk getting isolated. The choice is, therefore, very clear. Avoid making mistakes and if you do make it, accept it and move on.

What do you say?

"To err is human, to admit is super human" - Doug Larson

"I'd rather confess I'm wrong and be right, than claim I'm right and be wrong" - Maria Fontaine

To serve with love

Many of us know that our ego is the root cause of our problems. Our ego manifests itself as an association of ourselves with our body. Due to this, we develop selfishness and pander to our body and everyone associated with it. “I” and “my” become the most important things for us. This gives rise to feelings of joy and disappointment.

Is it possible to live without ego? As long as we exist within this body, some level of ego is necessary as we have to sustain the body. Otherwise, we may ignore feeding and taking care of our bodies leading to death. Only highly realized persons can be in that state. The ego creates problem only when it is beyond a certain limit.

What is the way to control the ego? Wise saints have recommended many methods of controlling the ego, one of which is covered in this article. If we see the same “self” that is in us, in others too, we have taken a huge step towards controlling the ego. When we treat others just as we treat ourselves, we have begun to rise above our ego. The first step therefore is to serve others selflessly.

Most people work with an expectation of reward. An act of service is one where we do not expect a reward. We serve others with love and affection. We get pleasure in the act of service itself. Images of Mother Teresa and Mata Amritanandamayi comes to mind. One can start this in a small way within ones family by serving the elders. Then one can look for ways of serving our neighbours and community. This spirit can thus be cultivated over time to cover the society at large.

As we keep serving others and get immersed in the joy of service, we begin to contract and control our ego.

“Selfless service is the ideal to be aimed at” - Sri Satya Sai Baba

“We are prone to judge success by the index of our salaries or the size of our automobile rather than by the quality of our service and relationship to mankind” - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

No one’s head aches when he is comforting another - Indian Proverb

I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted, and behold, service was joy.” - Rabindranath Tagore

What causes Sorrow?

Each one of us, on various occasions, would have felt unhappy. It is not a pleasant feeling and we all wish to be happy instead. Yet, unhappiness makes its presence felt time and again. Someone once remarked that happiness is the interval between two sorrows. Is this really so? What causes unhappiness? If only we knew the real reason for sorrow, won't we make efforts to fix it?

Some people say that sorrow is caused by other people. When other people do or say things which hurt us, we feel sad. If only other people are more considerate, our sorrows would be lesser. Some say that distress is caused by some events. It could be death or accident or some other event which causes pain to us. Therefore. sorrow is accidental. Astrologers claim that distress is essentially caused by planetary influences in our lives. They say all things are pre-ordained and we are all bound to have alternating periods of joy and sorrow...

Wise seers of yore have gone deeper into this question and through contemplation and meditation have concluded and declared that sorrow is only a state of our minds. When the mind is disturbed by things not happening as per expectations, it gets hurt and upset. This becomes the root cause of all sorrow. The trick therefore is to look inward. There is no point searching for external reasons.

The cause of all joy and distress is our mind. If we can keep our mind & desires in control, it will become a mere observer of things. As an observer, the mind has no direct involvement and hence does not worry about the events. Then, we feel tranquil and have a smooth life. Just as a drop of water on a lotus leaf does not mingle with it, sorrow does not affect us.

You cannot prevent the birds of sadness flying over your head but you can prevent them from nesting in your hair – Swedish saying

"The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain" - Kahlil Gibran

Hear, See & Speak No Evil

Our mind is unique. It is very adaptable and impressionable. It has a tendency to make us think in lines with whatever it is exposed to. So, for example, if the mind is exposed to people with musical talents, the mind tempts us also to try our hands at music. If we live amongst sports persons, we tend to venture into sports ourselves. Our minds easily get influenced by what it observes.

How do we use this understanding to impact us positively? We need to make sure that our minds get exposed to only positive stories and thoughts. We should take care to prevent any single evil thought or notion from appearing before our minds. We should remember that "evil" is an integral part of the "devil"

In today's context of a world where values are continuously deteriorating; this is easier said than done. All around us we see and hear mainly negative stories. People also find it attractive and interesting. Simply put, evil sells. No wonder then, we find positive news tucked away in the inner pages (or not at all) of leading newspapers and magazines. All the front pages are splashed with violence and such stories.

Like the famous three wise monkeys, we can also make a choice of not seeing, hearing or speaking of evil things. We can consciously avoid them. Even in evil things, we can focus on the positive aspects (if any). Our tongues desist from accepting any tasteless article and our nose refuses to breath in the presence of bad odour. Similarly, with our intelligence we should train our other sense organs from avoiding all evils. By doing this, regularly and steadfastly, we can make our minds "think" good thoughts. When we are thus filled with good thoughts, it gets reflected in our character and in our environment.

Lets work within ourselves to create an evil-free world.

Rid fear through faith

Most of us have some fear or the other. Some fear loneliness, some fear darkness, some fear cockroaches, some fear failure etc. Fear is our constant companion from the time we are born. Some fears, like fear of our own conscience, are desirable while most other fears are not. It seems that most of us also are unwilling to let go of our fears. Even when we see a possible solution to get rid of our fears, we are unsure whether it will work. Everything we do only seems to make the fear stronger. There are some minor fears that could be rid through actual exposure to the fear factor. Most fears, however, are deeply imprinted in our subconscious mind. They cannot be dislodged easily.

The first step, of course, is to identify what we fear. Care should be taken not to mistake the symptom from the root problem. For example, fear of cockroaches is not just the fear of the insect. It is the fear of what the insect can do to us. Can it bite us? Does it spread disease? Ultimately, it is the body’s method of protecting against the unknown risks. Once the root cause is identified, steps should be taken to address it.

The biggest fear that we all have is the fear of death. This fear is illogical because we all intellectually know that death is inevitable. Yet, we have some false hope that it will not happen to us or that the manner in which life leaves us is the least painful and the most convenient.

In my view, the best way to rid ourselves of fear is by having faith in the Almighty. If we consider ourselves as God’s children then we should also have the faith that God loves us and will take care of us. If we leave the uncertainty, the risks, the future, our security and even our death to His judgement and to His decision, we rid ourselves of the fear simultaneously. Fear will persist only if we do this half heartedly or if our faith is weak. Have faith in His abilities. Have faith in His compassion. Have faith in His fairness. Then you never have to fear anything or anyone anytime again.

"Why fear when I am here?" - Sri Sathya Sai Baba

"I have not ceased being fearful, but I have ceased to let the fear control me. I have accepted fear as a part of life, specifically the fear of change, the fear of the unknown, and I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says: turn back, turn back, you'll die if you venture in too far" - Erica Jong

"Faith is the strength by which a shattered world shall emerge into the light" – Helen Keller

Watch your Perspective !!

A few years ago when we were holidaying in the Himalayas, we had hired a cab to take us around various hill shrines. The roads were treacherous and one false move could have resulted in us becoming newspaper headlines the next day. Fortunately, we had a driver who was slow and steady and ever willing to give way to other vehicles. We appreciated his driving skills and attitude.

As we were returning, we came down to the plains and were impatient to get back to our hotel. The weather was hot and the traffic maddening. Suddenly, the same driver and the same driving skills became irritating to us. Based on the change of our perspective, what once seemed ideal started looking painful. Thankfully, we also recognised and remembered our appreciations and did not make an issue in our return.

All of us are all the time forming views on things based on our respective perspectives. Our perspectives get formed based on our expectations as well as our experiences. We all are wearing our own lens through which we see the world. If we truly realise this then the world will begin to look perfect. All imperfections, we then realise, exist within us.

Whenever we feel upset about something, we should look inwards and ask ourselves this question - what if my perspective changed ? We also start putting ourselves in the shoes of others and see things from their perspective. When we start watching our perspective, we realise that our mind plays games with us. With this realisation, our mind comes within our control. When the mind is in control, you can conquer the whole world....

"Between the laughing and the weeping philosopher there is no opposition: the same facts that make one laugh makes one weep" - George Santayana

"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac" - George Carlin

"Even the worst of sinners has a future, even as the greatest saint has had a past. No one is so good or so bad as he imagines" - Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan