What is your priority?

How important is money to you? What will you do without money? Can you live without money? When will you feel you have enough money? Is a life of poverty worth living?

Some of these questions popped up in mind after a recent discussion with an acquaintance. She was of the firm opinion that money is critical and that it is easier said than done to live a life without money. People will intellectualize that money is not important but in reality will actually crave for it. Without money life is full of suffering and hardships etc.

It led me to think deeply on this subject and below are some thoughts that occurred to me. I give below 4 specific thoughts that came to my mind which makes me believe that there are other more important things than money. Yes, money is a tool and helps live life comfortably but it is not worth putting money into the center of our lives.

The first thought that came to me was of Steve Jobs. Here is a man - undoubtedly successful and extremely rich but with a terminal sickness at a fairly young age. What would be his priority? Will he not be willing to give up his entire wealth for the sake of a few more years of healthy life? His confidence in his abilities would be certainly high and he would probably give anything to have more time in this world. If not for anything else, he would want to live so that the ideas / innovations in his mind can see the light of the day. So, health probably is more important than money.

The second thought that came to me was of my mother. She passed away a few years ago. What use is wealth if it cannot be shared with ones loved ones? There might be so many people with no dearth of wealth but with a certain feeling of loneliness in their lives due to the absence of loved ones. So, between wealth and love, love takes a higher position.

The third thought that came to my mind was integrity and values. To what extent would one go to earn money? Is it right to compromise on morals and give a higher ranking to money. Most of us would emphatically draw the line and say that on the question of integrity there can be no compromise even if it means sacrificing lots of money.

The last thought that came to mind was the situation in Mahabharatha in which Arjun and Duryodhana are in Lord Krishna's chambers seeking his help in the Mahabaratha war. While Duryodhana chose the vast armies of Krishna (symbolic of worldly wealth), Arjuna was content with Krishna on his side. He thought that if I have God on my side, what else is required.

Money is no doubt important to get us material comforts. But matters like health, love, integrity and spirituality are more important and if we focus on these, money will never be a priority or a scarcity in our lives.

So, what is your priority?

Use time well

I met a 75 year old man yesterday who is working as a senior executive in a large firm. He said that although he retired many years ago, he has allowed himself to be persuaded to continue employment and put his talents, knowledge and experience to productive use. His wife passed away recently of cancer and he regretted that he could never spend enough time with her or his children. It seems she always complained to him that his work was his first wife and she was only his housekeeper. I could sense that he was deeply upset over his neglect of her.

This meeting set me thinking. Sometimes we are confused about our priorities. We tend to focus on the the wrong things only to realise and regret much later. We get employed to sustain ourselves and our families but get carried away and imagine that our career is of paramount importance. We begin to enjoy the rat race and do not know when to stop. We begin to crave for continuous success in this race and want to win at any cost.

Of course, there are some people who are clear about their goals and purpose. If career is indeed ones sole pursuit, it is great to be focused and dogged about it. However, for most people, career is not the sole goal. They seek happiness in the family front too. Some have spiritual goals too. For such people, it is frustrating to be unable to give adequate attention to other goals. One should not end up as a successful yet unhappy or dissatisfied person due to neglecting other goals.

It would be useful, from time to time, to step back and re-evaluate our direction and our time allocation to various activities. Are we allocating sufficient time for our physical well being? Are we giving enough quality time and attention to our loved ones? Is recreation, rejuvenation and connecting with God featuring in our calendar? Are TV & computers becoming an obsession? Is there any mismatch between our priorities and our activities?

The time to course correct is now. Do not let inertia dictate your life. Get in control of your time. Because without our realising it, we are getting older and exhausting our precious and limited time.

Use your time well.

“Put your family first. I’ve yet to see an obituary that says, “He died peacefully surrounded by his stockbroker, his accountant and his golf partner.” - Robin Sharma

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” - Annie Dillard

“If you don’t make time for exercise, you’ll probably have to make time for illness.” - Robin Sharma

Flexibility - To be or not to be

Sometimes in life we face a difficult situation. Imagine, we have given an opinion about something or have taken a decision. Then, we are confronted by an alternate view or course of action. On top of it, the alternative looks logical or is backed by someone influential. Some of us will readily consider the option and change our stance. Many of us, worry about the consequences of changing our position. We feel that we will end up looking hasty or not intelligent enough if we change our minds.

Flexibility is something that most of us advocate or recommend but when it comes to ourselves, we prefer to be otherwise. What we call as firm mind is seen as and branded as 'stubborn' by others. Inflexible people are seen as closed minded people who have a difficulty in accepting fresh thoughts or ideas. To avoid this, some people (esp. politicians) cleverly refuse to reveal their thoughts till everyone's thoughts are known.

When we are flexible and accomodative, people find it comfortable to deal with us. We have better relationship with our family and friends. Our circle of influence increases and we tend to attract more open communication. We tend to listen with empathy and do not get into 'positions' from where we cannot extract ourselves. Flexible people are solution oriented and want to move forward rather than getting stuck with issues.

There are some situations where flexibility ceases to be a virtue. When we have made a commitment or a promise, we cannot show flexibility in the performance. When it come to a question of values, one should never show flexibility even if it results in us losing out in the short term.

A lot of pressure and stress is generated when values are upheld. Lot of people avoid this and try to take the easy way out. Rather than fight for the truth and pay the price for it, people tend to compromise and dilute standards. Such an approach might look easy and positive in the short term but will have significant impact on the longer term. The sub-prime crisis that hit the world economy in 2008 is a clear and recent example of this.

Flexibility is a virtue except on questions of values.

Father's Responsibilities

Today is father's day and much has been written by people on the responsibilities of the father. President Obama of U.S.A. says that any fool can become a father but being a real father means owning up responsibilities and "being there". I agree with him. A father's role in the child's development is significant. And it is more than just giving time to the child by being present when the child is growing up.

A father is a role model too. The way he behaves, acts and reacts, carries himself, interacts with others etc. are all watched by the child and imitated in many ways. The child is consciously and sub-consciously watching the father's actions and learning from it. If the father is calm and cool, so the child shall be. If the father is temperamental, the child thinks that this is normal behaviour and picks up cues from him. In rare cases, the child may reject negative behaviour and behave in a positive manner.

He gives a sense of security to the child in more ways than one. The child with a father to fall back on is a more confident and balanced child. The child grows up with a comfort that the father will protect and support the child at all times. The child also behaves with responsibility if there is a fear of retribution from a disciplinarian father.

In my view, the most important role of the father, besides being there, giving love and showing commitment and responsibility, is to inculcate values into the child. He is the first teacher to the child, after the mother, who gives the child the sense of values. He is the one who encourages good behaviour and prevents bad behaviour from becoming a habit. He constantly demonstrates to the child how to live life and how to face situations that life throws at us. He is ever watchful of the child and her progress. He is the one who shapes the child into becoming a useful and mature adult by giving her the values system that becomes hard coded into the child's DNA.

Celebrate your Daughter (CYD) !!

There are several communities (esp. in India) where the girl child is seen as bringing bad luck and miseries to the parents. This is because of certain social evils that still exist (like the dowry system) as well as the feeling that "investing" in the girl child is not going to bring "returns" to the parents in their old age. This has led to some very evil practices such as female infanticide as well as abusing the girl child and not providing adequate parenting.

Very obviously these are practices which are misplaced and will have dangerous consequences for both the immediate family as well as the society in the long run.

Let me explain why I think that the birth of a daughter should be a cause of celebration not only in the family but in the community and the country as well!! Daughters are as lovable as sons. They have proved that, given the opportunity, they are as capable as sons in shining both in academics as well as career. They are much more attached, affectionate and devoted to their families and tend to be much more selfless.

Although, the daughters do get married invariably and move away from their families, they tend to leave their minds with their parents and families and shower them with love on every possible occasion. The daughters are to be seen not as liabilities but rather as assets.

For a society to grow and develop, it needs more daughters. With dwindling female ratio, the society will see more stress and strife. The population will get skewed and will even stop growing. The demographics of the community and country will start worsening and it will be a question of time that the society will denigrate into chaos and anarchy.

Daughters soon become mothers and they shape their children's thoughts and value systems by inculcating the early education. Daughters who get a lot of love in their early lives tend to do the same with their children. Children who get groomed well thus, form good citizens and contribute positively to the country's growth.

Daughters are vital assets both for the family and the country as has been mentioned above. We need to recognise this and change our current practices. We need to introduce incentives and motivation to people who have daughters. We need to encourage and educate young new families on the benefits of having and caring for the girl child.

So, go ahead - Celebrate Your Daughter !!

"As son is a son only till he is wed
but daughter is a daughter till she is dead" - Anon

Love your Parents

When we were in the womb of our mother and had yet not completely formed, we were loved and cared for. We were small, helpless and dependent on the love and care of our parents to bring us into this world. They undertook pain and sacrifice to make sure that we had all the comforts. They welcomed our birth and celebrated it in their own way. They made sure that we had the right kind of nourishment for body and mind. They inculcated good values and provided for our education. They fiercely guarded and protected us during our infant years…

Yes, our parents who have done so much for us deserve our love and gratefulness for everything. Every parent loves their child tremendously and selflessly. They have no expectations in return. They are ever willing to give up their luxuries and comforts to address our every single need. They were our first teachers patiently explaining everything to us and satisfying our curiosity. We learnt how to express ourselves by watching them and imitating them…

Our entire existence is a debt to our parents which can never be fully repaid. The least we can do is to love them and care for them when they need us the most. By telling them how much we appreciate what they have done for us, we can make them feel good. By taking care of their needs, by giving them company and by talking to them and listening to them esp. in their old age, we are doing our duty. Just as they were there for us when we need them, we should be there for them always.

As they grow older, it is but natural that they may suffer from some health problems or develop habits which are unusual. Sometimes they may have memory lapses and may not be as sharp as they used to be. We need to be patient and not get vexed. We need to remember that they too were patient with us and took care of us during all our illness. We need to be extra careful not to hurt them or their sentiments.

Parents are divine. They are verily our God for having created and nurtured us. As per Hindu scriptures, in the order of importance, it is the Mother who comes first followed by the Father, Teacher and God. Therefore, when we shower our parents with love, even the Gods will be pleased and will appreciate us.