Just Be Nice

"Be nice to everyone you come across; you never know whose help or support you will need tomorrow"

We interact with numerous people in our daily lives. With people who matter or who are important or powerful, we are naturally polite and courteous. The true revelation of our inner character is our behaviour with people who do not matter. Are we nice to them too? Or do we disregard them and their self-respect when we speak or interact with them?

It takes very little effort to be nice to everyone around us. Even if have to convey our displeasure over something that the other person has done, we can do it in a nice manner. Let us not worry that we will be ineffective if we are humble or gentle. Rather, people will respond to us better if our behaviour conveys respect to them.

When we are nice to people, we are nice to ourselves too. It has positive spin off effect on our health too. Our faces have fewer wrinkles and begin to glow. We create an aura of attractiveness around us when we are pleasant and nice. We win more friends and well wishers. And who knows when one of these people will come to our support when we need it most?

Come on and show to the world your gentle side. Let people around you bask in the warmth of your company. Just be nice - always!!

Recognise your enemy

"One of the most time-consuming things is to have an enemy" - E.B. White

Most of us would love to have a life without enemies. In fact, we go to great lengths to make friends and be happy. We read books on “How to win friends and influence people”. We dread the thought of having an enemy who is out to destroy our peace and success. If we were asked to think of and name our enemy, quite a few names might pop up in our minds. Some of us would go to great lengths to make a list and might even include anyone who has even slightly disagreed with us.

Not all are our enemies though. In fact, we are usually surrounded by well-wishers who wish to see us happy and fulfilled. People who criticise us are actually intending to correct us and guide us in the right path. People who punish us have similar motives. Come to think of it, every misfortune that we face is actually helping us become better human beings and more matured. Each experience is a lesson for us in our evolution process.

If that were so, do we really have any enemies? I would say that there is one enemy who is so close to us that we fail to recognise or realise him. That enemy is our own ego. Our ego is really our enemy because it is the one which makes us “difficult” people. Our ego stops us from having selfless and loving relationships. It is our ego which creates greed, envy, hatred, anger and all such negative emotions within us.

If only we realise this and shed our ego, we would be rid of the biggest enemy in our lives and progress much faster towards our goals. We would become less conscious of ourselves, less conceited, less inhibited and more positive in our lives. Recognise this and you become free!!

If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner - Nelson Mandela

Confess to progress

One of the aspects of Christianity that I love is the practice of confessing our sins. Within ourselves, it is easy to know when we have sinful thoughts or have committed sins. It takes a lot of courage to acknowledge and even more guts to admit it to someone else. Someone who has taken the step of confessing is surely on the right path to becoming a better person for she has recognised her sin, admitted it and resolved to rectify.

Confession is good for various reasons some of which are listed below:
1. It takes the load off the mind
2. It is the first positive step in self-improvement
3. It is an open declaration of one's resolve
4. It enhances the value of honesty which paves the way for other values to creep in and establish their presence

The act of confession by itself does not atone for sins. One should not carry an impression that confession "clears the slate" and permits one to sin again. It should not be treated as a ritual which needs to be completed after every sin. The very purpose of confession seems to be to make a strong resolution to avoid similar sins in future. It is like making a public declaration of our intentions to be better human beings.

We are all human and are prone to sinning (a) consciously or unconsciously (b) physically or mentally. We can reach the ultimate goal of divinity only when we are able to cleanse ourselves of sins. By sinning surreptitiously and projecting a clean image to the world, we are only fooling ourselves. People who strive to become better human beings and spiritually evolved would recognise the tremendous power of confessions.

Confess to progress

Enjoy your present

A class of spiritual aspirants were once asked to list down their most happy moments. People wrote about their happiness on graduating, on marriage, on meeting a long lost friend, a picnic, a game etc. Some even wrote on their anticipated happiness events on awaiting a child, a forthcoming foreign holiday, a new job etc.

All of us follow this practice - looking back with joy and nostalgia or looking forward in pleasure to a planned / unplanned event of joy in our lives. Even for the most well endowed & gifted person, who never has faced a disappointment in life, it seems as though that joy is a past / future event.

Of course, we all do have our joyous moments too when we are conscious of the feeling of bliss and satisfaction. Take for example, winning a game or getting a promotion. At that point of time, we become truly happy and want to share the news as well as the joy with everyone around. And we can't stop smiling.

Most of the time, however, the pleasure of the moment is lost on us. For e.g. if we remember our school days, we sigh and wish we could re-live those years. But whilst in school we were keen to grow up and join college. Similarly, if we think of a holiday, we relish the memories. But whilst in the holiday, worries about safety, security, budget, health etc. were eating our minds...

In reality, every moment is a moment of joy - often realised only too late.

If we can realise this great secret and start appreciating our present moments, our lives would be more fulfilling indeed. Enjoy your present. Bask in gratitude for the things that you have in life. Share with others less privileged. Smile often. Spread the message of joy with everyone around. Think positive. Create lovely memories whilst living joyously.

Purpose of life

Last week a young friend passed away suddenly. He slipped into coma when his blood sugar went down. Despite continuous medical attention and all parameters being normal, he remained in coma and passed away after ailing for a short while.

On hearing about his death, I realised again about the fickleness and uncertainty of life. We all realise this but quickly forget it in the hustle & bustle of everyday life. King Yudhistir was once asked about what surprises him immensely and he replied “Everyday all around us we see death and yet people believe that they will live forever”.

Even knowing that our days are numbered and that we shall give up the ghost sooner or later, we continue to lead lives without worrying about the purpose or our direction. We continue to chase after, and bemoan about, things which do not matter. We aspire for temporary pleasures. We pursue worthless goals. We discuss vague topics. We listen to junk.

We fail to see the presence of God everywhere. We fail to acknowledge His creation. We forget to remember Him. We avoid discussing Him. We turn away from music that praises Him. We do not sincerely worship Him. Nor do we show gratitude for His grace and generosity.

Wake up. Waste not a moment. Focus all your senses and mind onto Him. Feel blissful and be blessed. Discover the true meaning of your life. Achieve the true purpose of your life. Reach out to Him before death robs you of this opportunity.

Three C's to avoid

Peace of mind is something that we all crave for. We cannot achieve this state without putting effort. After all, peace of mind is not something that can be procured by spending money or by force. The mind needs to be balanced and in equilibrium before it can reach that state. For the mind to be balanced, we have several 'dos' and 'don’ts' to follow. Given below are three 'don’ts' which go a long way to achieve that state. They are described as the three Cs.

Criticizing: The first C is criticizing. It is one of the most natural talents that we all have. Our minds seem to be tuned to find fault and spot blemishes. Many a times, we see problems where none exist. It is as if our minds have the uncanny knack of identifying a problem. At the same time, our tongues are eager to let others know of our 'superiority' in being able to articulate those problems. When we criticize thus, unnecessarily, we are unknowingly building resistance as well as enemies. These lead to unwarranted arguments and attempts to prove a point. Moreover, our minds which get clouded in negativity refuse to let us reach the state of equilibrium.

Complaining: The other C is similar to the first C and yet more damaging. Complaining is taking criticism to a higher level and almost results in condemning others. As long as it is constructive in nature and comes with intent to resolve and rectify, it is still bearable. What takes the cake is complaining which sounds like whining. It is other extreme of appreciating. It creates a huge negative whirlpool from which we are unable to extricate ourselves. We also carry the feelings of hurt and annoyance in our minds which prevents us from experiencing bliss.

Comparing: Another C which we seem to be unable to avoid is the comparison bug. It is almost like a virus which is in the air. Many of us are comparing all the time - ourselves with those around us. It could be about anything - wealth, friends, physique, job, dogs, appliances etc. It gives us momentary pleasure when we see others in a worse situation than us and also give us sleepless nights when we see others enjoying more than us. Comparison is a never ending maze where people get lost and unable to recover their bearings. It is a method of inventing joy / sorrow out of nothing.

These three Cs are best avoided and conscious efforts taken to prevent ourselves from getting entrapped here. It would be a good idea to ask one of our close spiritual friends to help us in the process. If someone were to remind us each time we use these Cs, it will help us tremendously in making course corrections. Over time, we might become habituated to completely avoid them and progress towards the much coveted state of peace in our minds.

What is your priority?

How important is money to you? What will you do without money? Can you live without money? When will you feel you have enough money? Is a life of poverty worth living?

Some of these questions popped up in mind after a recent discussion with an acquaintance. She was of the firm opinion that money is critical and that it is easier said than done to live a life without money. People will intellectualize that money is not important but in reality will actually crave for it. Without money life is full of suffering and hardships etc.

It led me to think deeply on this subject and below are some thoughts that occurred to me. I give below 4 specific thoughts that came to my mind which makes me believe that there are other more important things than money. Yes, money is a tool and helps live life comfortably but it is not worth putting money into the center of our lives.

The first thought that came to me was of Steve Jobs. Here is a man - undoubtedly successful and extremely rich but with a terminal sickness at a fairly young age. What would be his priority? Will he not be willing to give up his entire wealth for the sake of a few more years of healthy life? His confidence in his abilities would be certainly high and he would probably give anything to have more time in this world. If not for anything else, he would want to live so that the ideas / innovations in his mind can see the light of the day. So, health probably is more important than money.

The second thought that came to me was of my mother. She passed away a few years ago. What use is wealth if it cannot be shared with ones loved ones? There might be so many people with no dearth of wealth but with a certain feeling of loneliness in their lives due to the absence of loved ones. So, between wealth and love, love takes a higher position.

The third thought that came to my mind was integrity and values. To what extent would one go to earn money? Is it right to compromise on morals and give a higher ranking to money. Most of us would emphatically draw the line and say that on the question of integrity there can be no compromise even if it means sacrificing lots of money.

The last thought that came to mind was the situation in Mahabharatha in which Arjun and Duryodhana are in Lord Krishna's chambers seeking his help in the Mahabaratha war. While Duryodhana chose the vast armies of Krishna (symbolic of worldly wealth), Arjuna was content with Krishna on his side. He thought that if I have God on my side, what else is required.

Money is no doubt important to get us material comforts. But matters like health, love, integrity and spirituality are more important and if we focus on these, money will never be a priority or a scarcity in our lives.

So, what is your priority?

Be a role model

Each one of us is good at giving advice. We tell our children to be obedient, have pleasing manners, be disciplined etc. We tell our juniors at work to be punctual, focused, over-achieve etc. We tell our spouses to be balanced, mature, cool etc. We tell our neighbours to be friendly, helpful etc. Our expectations from others always borders on perfection.

Ever wondered what the expectations of others are? They expect us to be perfect too. At the very minimum, they expect us to practice what we preach and "walk the talk". It would seem too far fetched if we demonstrate some behaviour and expect a contrary behaviour from others. For example, if we were to be short tempered ourselves, how can we expect our children, spouse or neighbour to be any different?

If we strive for perfection ourselves, without worrying about others, we might soon end up becoming a role model for others. People might start looking up at us and emulating us. We might create the change that we wish to see merely by adopting it in ourselves. What greater achievement can there be when we have conquered ourselves and, in the process, unleashing a wave of change around us?

The world, that we perceive, is merely a reflection of ourselves. If we are filled with positive thoughts and emotions, we will see a wonderful world around us. Every moment will become a moment of joy and every person an angel from heaven. All we need to do is to adjust our lens and improve ourselves.

Be a role model in your circle of influence. Embrace a life of values.

On Sensitivity

I was driving with a friend one day when we came across a strange spectacle. By the roadside, we saw a person seemingly crazy or drunk, throwing rubbish on passing cars. When our car neared her, she threw some garbage on our car too. Although our windows were rolled up, we instinctively ducked. Then, my friend got worked up and started scolding the mad woman from inside the car. I did not stop the car and drove on.

Later, my friend, in a pensive mood said "I was stupid to react. Knowing fully well that the person was not in her senses and that there was no point in trying to reform her, I should have been more cool."

This is a common occurrence in our lives. Whatever we do or don't, there are always people criticising us. Some will be constructive while some will be downright lies or false allegations. Why should we let this this ruffle us? It will be foolish to expect nothing but praise from others. There are many who relish rubbishing others and imagine that it makes them superior. If we have a clear conscience and heart, nothing should disturb our equilibrium. We should learn the art of avoiding being too sensitive.

Why do we tend to deem it necessary to react to every provocation, every comment, every thing that disturbs us? In a way, we are trying to do the impossible here - to change the world to suit us. In a way, we are showing our insecurities and our lack of confidence in ourselves when we feel upset or sensitive to things that hurt us.

We display maturity when we allow others to criticise or comment negatively without getting upset.

Use time well

I met a 75 year old man yesterday who is working as a senior executive in a large firm. He said that although he retired many years ago, he has allowed himself to be persuaded to continue employment and put his talents, knowledge and experience to productive use. His wife passed away recently of cancer and he regretted that he could never spend enough time with her or his children. It seems she always complained to him that his work was his first wife and she was only his housekeeper. I could sense that he was deeply upset over his neglect of her.

This meeting set me thinking. Sometimes we are confused about our priorities. We tend to focus on the the wrong things only to realise and regret much later. We get employed to sustain ourselves and our families but get carried away and imagine that our career is of paramount importance. We begin to enjoy the rat race and do not know when to stop. We begin to crave for continuous success in this race and want to win at any cost.

Of course, there are some people who are clear about their goals and purpose. If career is indeed ones sole pursuit, it is great to be focused and dogged about it. However, for most people, career is not the sole goal. They seek happiness in the family front too. Some have spiritual goals too. For such people, it is frustrating to be unable to give adequate attention to other goals. One should not end up as a successful yet unhappy or dissatisfied person due to neglecting other goals.

It would be useful, from time to time, to step back and re-evaluate our direction and our time allocation to various activities. Are we allocating sufficient time for our physical well being? Are we giving enough quality time and attention to our loved ones? Is recreation, rejuvenation and connecting with God featuring in our calendar? Are TV & computers becoming an obsession? Is there any mismatch between our priorities and our activities?

The time to course correct is now. Do not let inertia dictate your life. Get in control of your time. Because without our realising it, we are getting older and exhausting our precious and limited time.

Use your time well.

“Put your family first. I’ve yet to see an obituary that says, “He died peacefully surrounded by his stockbroker, his accountant and his golf partner.” - Robin Sharma

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” - Annie Dillard

“If you don’t make time for exercise, you’ll probably have to make time for illness.” - Robin Sharma

Live light

When we are born, we are born without any baggage. We live at the mercy of others around us. All our needs are taken care of by others. Seeing us so innocent and so light, everyone is attracted towards us. We give nothing to others and yet receive so much love, so much affection, so much care and so much attention. A slightest cry from us would be enough to melt everyone around.

Over the years, as our ego develops, we start accumulating possessions. We start getting attached to things. We start having desires. With desires comes anxieties and worries. The more we get, the more we expect. When expectations are not fulfilled, we become angry or disappointed. It is clear that our accumulation habit leads us to many negative situations.

The more baggage we carry, the more tiresome our journey becomes. If you want to enjoy the journey, travel light. Shed your ego. Shed your desires. Shed your possessions. Shed your attachments. Enjoy every moment in the blissful light feeling.

Live right. Live light.

Slow down

A rich guy went on a holiday to a beach resort and saw a fisherman dozing under his boat on the shore. The rich guy admonished him for wasting his time and told him to use his time more productively. He said "You can work more, catch more fish, buy more boats and make much wealth rather than being a poor fisherman". The fisherman wanted to know the objective of making much wealth. The rich man said "You can then feel secure and be able to enjoy your wealth and relax in peace". The fisherman reminded him that it was exactly what he was doing before the lecture began!!

One of the distinctive features of living today, especially in urban areas, is our fast paced life. We try to experience and enjoy everything without having to wait. It is as if we do not want to waste a single moment of our precious lives. All around us we see people in a hurry to get to their destinations and their goals. Each one seems to be in a tearing hurry to accumulate wealth. No one wants to enjoy the journey anymore. This can be quite disorienting to people who come from rural areas where the pace of life is much slower.

Within a short time of beginning to learn something, we want to become experts at it. Budding artists are keen to display their talents, be it music, dance or something else, to everyone even before they have mastered it. Children yearn to complete the education process quickly and begin their careers early. It would not be surprising if people expect shorter pregnancies in times to come!!

While it may be good to have quicker results and faster turnarounds, it should not be at the cost of quality. We must not forget that everything has a gestation period. If we try to unnaturally complete tasks, we might end up getting contrary results or bad end products. Moreover, all this results in a highly stressful life. When we become excessively demanding with ourselves as well as others, we end up creating high levels of stress and consequent health as well as quality issues.

We must pause a while and consider the impact of our high speed living. Is it really worth it? Are we really accomplishing something worthwhile by living thus? What prompts us to live such lives? Is there a fear of getting left behind that is driving us? What is the consequence of running this rat race? Is there something that we are missing while leading such a life? Are we impacting our relationships by our quest for speed?

The objective of this post is not to ask people to hibernate, go into a shell, run at snails pace or not be ambitious. It is to point out the benefits of being natural and experiencing the positive spin-offs by a moderate and simple life style. Please read the story by Leo Tolstoy on "How much land does a man need" at http://www.katinkahesselink.net/other/tolstoy.html and you will understand the essense of this post.

Value Dilemma

People who are following values diligently are sometimes faced with situations when one value seems to conflict with another. If one value is practiced, it might result in violating another value. What kinds of situations are we talking about? And how does one deal with such a situation? I give a couple of examples of conflicting situations to illustrate the point.

Instance one: An animal, say a cow, has escaped a butcher and is running down a road with the butcher in hot pursuit. It takes a side road and the butcher does not see it. He goes up to a pedestrian who has witnessed the entire sequence and asks him if he has seen the animal. If the pedestrian speaks the truth he ends up sending the poor animal to its death which it is seeking to escape from. Thus, truth (value) is seen as conflicting with compassion (value).

Instance two: A group of fundamentalists are attacking / persecuting a person for his religious views which are conflicting with theirs. The attacks are ferocious and life threatening. A group of neutral by-standers are watching this and have to decide whether to interfere or not. One value (that of protecting the weak and defenceless) is conflicted with the value of non-violence.

There could be so many instances in our daily lives that put us in such a dilemma. Should one use the cane on a child or use more gentle approaches? Should one continue to trust someone even when there are instances where the trust is betrayed?

One way would be to go "with ones conscience" and "listen to the heart". All lay people would recommend this as it is easy to implement and seems most logical. The problem, however, is that one conscience is conditioned by ones upbringing and past experiences. This may lead to different people using different approaches when dealing with similar situations. This is not desirable as inconsistencies are not the sign of a mature and balanced society.

This is the reason why our seers wrote epics like the Ramayana and the Mahabaratha to guide people on the best way to deal with situations. The reading of such epics is essential for all if we have to develop a consistent approach on dealing with value dilemmas. The stories are intricately narrated with various instances of conflicting situations and one can learn from how the characters deal with such situations. Dharma or Values are explained at length throughout such epics in a very logical and convincing way.

In the first instance given above the protection of the animal is considered as a higher value and therefore has to be followed even at the cost of being untruthful. And in the second instance, the reaction of the by-stander would be based on their caste (a brahmin may advice and a kshatriya has to fight) and in case of doubt, the value of protecting is higher than that of non-violence.

I would love to hear comments on this very important topic for discussion.

Embracing Values

Yesterday I read in the newspapers that B schools are planning to introduce and cover the subject of ethics in their curriculum. This thought has come about after seeing many scams that have been perpetrated by the educated professionals. I was heartened by this news as this subject is close to my heart.

I have always believed that the world will become difficult to live in unless everyone lives a life of values. Anarchy. lawlessness, violence, cheating etc. will thrive without values being practiced in earnest by people. We might progress materially but will decay in every other aspect without values guiding our lives.

Having said this, I feel that ethics or values cannot be inculcated by teaching it as a subject and getting students to learn the theory of values. People who have ethics as a subject to be passed to become a graduate might end up mugging this subject and not really understanding it or imbibing it. The very objective of introducing the subject and inculcating it might get diluted if were to be a mere topic for study.

What then is the way forward? I give below some thoughts that come to mind and hope to see it getting enriched by the comments of my readers.

1. Ethics education should begin early. Right from childhood. The parents, siblings and others who make up the child's world (core group) should be actively involved in educating the child right from the impressionable age.

2. The core group should also demonstrate and live a life of values at all times. The child who is thus exposed to value living at an early age will imbibe it and practice it.

3. Encouragement should be given to the child every time she confirms to the value living concept. She should be lavishly praised for every single example in her life which shows values. Her mind should thus get firm on living a life of values.

4. If there are errors or judgement or occasions of default, it should be noted but not excessively dwelt upon. Instead, encouragement / positive strokes should be used liberally to imbibe values.

5. Others should also be spoken of highly for the values they show. This will create an intense desire in the child to inculcate those values too.

6. Children love hearing stories and they should get to hear, see and read stories wherein the themes revolve around values. The main characters should be exemplars in this area.

7. School should also be having curriculum, methods and standards which encourage values. Yardstick for judging a child should be the demonstration of values and not success / wealth etc. acquired through unfair means.

8. Society should also be built on similar lines. People who live ethically should be recognised, appreciated and even rewarded more than others who do not follow. They are the ones who should be treated as the heroes of every society.

9. Only such people who live ethically and with values should be allowed to elect and be elected as leaders and law makers.

I think the above steps outlined gives a fair idea of how I think. I know it can be branded as impractical and impossible to implement. However, I feel that if we want a clean society, we have no option but implement the above. If we work towards this relentlessly, we will eventually achieve our objective.

I am looking forward to your views on how we can create a world for the future generations which will be a pleasure for them to live in.

Be thee modest

The other day, I had an interesting experience. I was hearing an important person speak about his organisation. Out of his allotted time of thirty minutes, he spoke for about fifteen minutes about his contribution to the growth of the organisation. The speech was peppered with "I" and "me". I could hear the audience snicker and grumble. The token applause from them encouraged the speaker to boast some more.

At the end of the speech everyone was unanimous in condemning the speaker. They wondered why he had to blow his own trumpet this way. Was it his insecurity? Or was it a wrong value system? In any case, his speech had an exact reverse effect from what he intended.


Many a times, we tend to fall in this trap. We feel that our services are not recognised and we need to publicise it. We feel that others who promote themselves end up getting all the accolades and the rewards. We feel that unless we talk about our achievements, it will be missed out or forgotten.

However, in my view, this is absolutely unnecessary. People do notice even though they may not openly acknowledge or praise the doer. Someone who is actively performing is always recognised. Modestly is a virtue that we should all cultivate. If someone praises us openly the correct response would be to down play our achievement and include others for the recognition. Such a response is agreeable and positive. The more one demurs, the more is the value given to that person.

What are your thoughts?

True test of knowledge

One topic that can be endlessly debated on is "what is knowledge?"

Who can be called as knowledgeable? Is it people with strong skill sets? Or is it people who have a string of degrees? Or is it people who have large number of followers and devotees? Is it the consultants / experts who command a huge price? Or is it people with depth of experience in select areas? Or is it people who hold high positions and have huge power bestowed on them?

What is knowledge? Is it the same as intelligence or smartness? Most of us often confuse information or charisma or articulation with knowledge. Real knowledge is something beyond all this. People who strut around with pride on their knowledge often get stuck for words when asked simple questions like "Who am I?". Knowledge should not be confused with ability to make a living or earn wealth.

My own thoughts on this is as follows. A person can be called knowledgeable if she knows her self. She is able to differentiate between her body and her self and likewise with others. She knows the interconnections between different forms of life. She knows how to live and the purpose of her life. She knows where she has come from and where her destination is.

The true test of knowledge is not in the ability to articulate with conviction. A person who is truly knowledgeable can be identified by her conduct. Such a person is always cool, calm, balanced and unperturbed. She is gentle with all and compassionate. She has love for all beings and is always interested in giving rather than getting. She is selfless. She upholds values irrespective of its consequences.

A persons knowledge level is known by her conduct.

Motives matter

Almost every religion & book on values prescribes people to do good acts and think positive. In order to convince people to do good, they talk about the benefits in the form of better relations with people, better environment, a place in heaven etc. This certainly is good as it encourages otherwise negative, lazy or disinterested people to do good work. We see people practicing charity and doing service etc. to others with high enthusiasm and fervour.

The Sanatana Dharma - also known commonly as Hindu religion - recommends that people do good acts without any motive. Lord Krishna says in the Bhagavad Gita that one should practice Karma Yoga or do actions without any motive or desire. The reason for this recommendation is simple - while actions are in our control, results are not. Moreover, if actions are motivated mainly by results, one can see a reversal in enthusiasm if the desired results are not met.

Actions carried out with a selfish motive are also dangerous. Selfishness usually denotes an interest for gaining something for oneself at the cost of others. As long as one is selfish, one tends to become biased and unfair. One justifies this behaviour by various methods and arguments. The other problem with "selfish good acts" is that it stops as soon as the self interest is served.

Motives do matter even if one is doing a good thing.

Stay focussed

There is a story in the Mahabaratha about Drona, the teacher of all forms of warfare. He was teaching his students on the principles of archery. He called out his first student and asked him to arm the bow and prepare to shoot a distant target in the form of a toy bird. The objective was to hit the birds eye.

To each student, his simple question, before the arrow was released, was "What do you see?". Each student said things like "I see you Sir and my fellow students, I see the sky, the trees, the bird etc." Only Arjuna, who later became a very accomplished and expert archer, said "I see only the birds eye".

The teacher used this as an example with his students to explain the importance of focus. In order to be successful and accomplish ones goals, one has to have the same intensity of Arjuna. When one is distracted by other things, it is easy to miss the target.

Staying focussed is easier said than done especially when the mind is so fickle and there are so many distractions around. Yet, champions have a special ability to de-focus from the distractions and concentrate on the core objective. Imagine a Vishwanathan Anand playing chess or a Sachin Tendulkar batting and you will realise the importance of focus.

One may be playing multiple roles in life or having multiple interests For example, one may be a student and also be a sportsperson & a budding musician. In order to be successful, one has to forget the other interests while pursuing or practicing each of these disciplines. If such a focus is achieved, one can scale great heights.

What does this have to do in a blogspot of values? Even while pursuing values, one has to have the same level of concentration, a single minded purpose and commitment in order to ensure that there are no slip ups in the journey. Being focussed on ones objective and goal is the sure way to be successful in life.

Appreciate & Encourage Values

I had read a story in my childhood which made a deep impact on me. It was about a group of boys playing cricket and accidentally breaking a window in the neighbourhood. While most of the boys ran away and hid themselves, there was one brave and honest boy who stood his ground and admitted his guilt when the house owner came enquiring. The owner was, who was normally an irritable man, was impressed with the boys sense of responsibility and truthfulness that he forgave him. I had resolved, after reading this story, that should a similar situation happen to me I will be like the boy and set an example for others.

Now when I look back I realise that, in this story, both the boy and the house owner are exemplars in different ways. The house owner is also to be lauded for encouraging the boy to live a life of values. It is common place to find people who punish people who confess thereby making them feel that honesty is not the best policy. Rare are those people who rise above the immediate temptations and focus on what is good for the long term.

It is indeed difficult to practice living a life of values in today's world. I read about a person who resolved to speak only the truth for a period of three months. He made enemies, lost friends and even strained his relations with his family by merely being truthful!! Everyone intrinsically understands and acknowledges the need and importance of values. However, people want flexibility in practice especially when their interests are affected.

It is therefore very important to have people who rise above short term needs and who encourage / motivate / appreciate people who practice values. People who live a life of values are usually not successful and walk a lonesome path. They are motivated by an inner urge and commitment. We should strengthen their resolve by appreciating them and overlooking any minor transgressions that they might make.

Do you agree? If yes, do you commit yourself for the same?

You are your best friend

Are you someone who loves the company of friends and hate being alone? Well, then you are not the only one. I can very well relate to you. Many years ago,I found myself in a foreign country on work and spent almost 18 months away from family and friends. At that time, I had felt overwhelmed by the sense of loneliness. So desperate had I become that I quit my job before the contract expired and returned back home!

There are zillions of people who crave to have someone around them and feel lost when they are all by themselves. Such people feel comforted by the presence of others near them and have the overpowering need to reach out and communicate. It is not just about talking with or hearing others but also about feeling secure and nice with the mere presence.

It is but natural that when there are two people there are many shared moments of togetherness and happiness. There are also moments of disagreements and disappointments. Two people can have two or more views on any subject leading to debates and sometimes arguments which can sometimes lead to anger or frustration.

If there is anyone who is always near you and with you, it is you yourself. You are your best friend who is never apart - even for a moment. You know yourself better than anyone else. You accept yourself as you are without any complaints or concerns. You know everything that you think and you are in total agreement with your thoughts. You seldom argue with yourself. You empathise with yourself more than anyone else. Hardly anyone can love you or care for you as much as you do.

Despite this, why do we shy away from our own company? Why do we feel uncomfortable with ourselves?