Values for Life !!

Be truthful always

2012-01-13T12:51:00.002+05:30

All of us are taught this basic value very early in our lives. Our parents and teachers stressed on the need and importance of being truthful. Some of us were even punished for deviating from the path. And, although we know this value well and even preach it to and expect it from others, we sometimes indulge in falsehood. In today’s world, there are very rare people who show a strong commitment to truth. Most of us lie without batting an eyelid.

Why do we lie? If we think deeply the reasons for lying are not many. It is mostly prompted by a sense of selfishness and a desire for obtaining something that we would otherwise lose. Some of the major reasons for us to lie are given below:
a. We lie to cover up our mistakes / failures / dishonesty
b. We lie to mislead others whom we distrust
c. We lie to protect ourselves
d. We lie to realise our desires
e. We lie for fun

Every lie that we utter adds to the negative Karma that we accumulate. Not only will lies boomerang on us but we will need to use more lies to cover previous ones. When we do get caught, as we eventually will, we stand to lose a lot in terms of trust and credibility. On the other hand, we will derive a lot of spiritual strength by resorting to truthfulness. It will form a protective sheath around us. We can overcome fear with truth.

If there is a strong will to be truthful it can easily be achieved. It starts with a deep sense of commitment to living a life of truth. We can overcome the urge to utter falsehood if:
a. We lead an honest and upright life
b. We seek nothing and accept everything
c. We have absolute trust and faith in God

Resolve now to be truthful henceforth!!

Austerity of speech consists of speaking truthfully and beneficially and in avoiding speech that offends
- Bhagavad Gita

Only sacred thoughts can lead to sacred speech. The tongue has been given to man to speak the truth, to be sweet to others, to praise the Divine and enjoy bliss from such sacred speech
– Lord Buddha

Always tell the truth. Then you'll never have to remember what you said the last time.
- Sam Rayburn

It does not require many words to speak the truth.
- Chief Joseph

Just Be Nice

2011-11-29T12:04:00.003+05:30

"Be nice to everyone you come across; you never know whose help or support you will need tomorrow"

We interact with numerous people in our daily lives. With people who matter or who are important or powerful, we are naturally polite and courteous. The true revelation of our inner character is our behaviour with people who do not matter. Are we nice to them too? Or do we disregard them and their self-respect when we speak or interact with them?

It takes very little effort to be nice to everyone around us. Even if have to convey our displeasure over something that the other person has done, we can do it in a nice manner. Let us not worry that we will be ineffective if we are humble or gentle. Rather, people will respond to us better if our behaviour conveys respect to them.

When we are nice to people, we are nice to ourselves too. It has positive spin off effect on our health too. Our faces have fewer wrinkles and begin to glow. We create an aura of attractiveness around us when we are pleasant and nice. We win more friends and well wishers. And who knows when one of these people will come to our support when we need it most?

Come on and show to the world your gentle side. Let people around you bask in the warmth of your company. Just be nice - always!!

Fare well

2011-11-02T17:27:00.001+05:30

Over the years, I have met people of different kinds – some happy, some sad, some angry, some irritable, some negative, some positive, some hopeful, some desperate etc. I am sure you, the reader, have also encountered all kinds of people in your lives. I have also had different kinds of experiences – some joyful, some dreadful, some fearful, some worrying, some frustrating etc. just as many of you would have.

I wonder why we go through such encounters and experiences. Is it just a part of life or does it have any meaning? When I reflect upon this question and also my own actions / reactions to different folks and situations, I realise that these are indeed presented to me for a purpose. I believe each situation is an opportunity to learn about ourselves and to improve as individuals.

In fact, I strongly feel that our life here on earth is one big test posed on us by God. People who do well in the test get positive results and others get an opportunity to face the test again. The good thing about the test is that we keep getting a chance to re-appear and there are no failures. We keep getting exposed to various challenging situations until we learn how to deal with it. Life itself is the teacher and is also the test.

As long as we have negative traits / thoughts / view points within us, we will react to situations incorrectly and be faced with unwelcome consequences. As long as we are positive oriented, we will experience pleasant situations and be filled with peace and bliss. The sooner we learn and practice this, the sooner we will reach our final destinations.

Fare well!!

Become immortal

2011-10-20T11:33:00.000+05:30

One of humankind’s biggest obsessions is to become immortal. From time immemorial, we have had various people trying to increase longevity. Indian mythology is full of stories of people who have undergone severe penances to achieve this goal. Most of the people have been failures in this quest.

It also seems pointless to become immortal when we are living in a body subject to various ailments and illness. With a no-so-perfect physical body, it would seem that it is better to die than live on forever. As we grow older, our bodies steadily decay and deteriorate. Our sense organs begin to fail. Under such circumstances, would not death be a welcome state to progress into?

Despite this, our scientists want to fight nature and work on increasing the youth span as well as life itself. Very few people appreciate death. Very few realise that death is a natural way of the renewal process. Life is sustained and re-created only due to the certainty of death.

Yet, there is a way to become immortal. We become immortal when we lead lives that are perfect in every way; when we epitomise values in every breath of ours; when people look up to us to show the right way; when our lives are shining examples of love, compassion, selflessness, truthfulness and integrity.

The world will forever remember people who stood steadfast in the midst of adversity to uphold values. The legendary child Prahalad, the son of demon King Hiranyakashipu, despite being threatened with death did not forsake His Lord. Raja Harishchandra protected truth and honesty despite immense suffering. Mother Sita suffered for long but upheld her loyalty and commitment to her Lord Rama. There are many such inspiring and powerful stories of how people became immortal through their display of sterling characters.

We too can become immortal in this manner. All we need to do is to uphold values at all or any cost.

Recognise your enemy

2011-09-25T16:59:00.002+05:30

"One of the most time-consuming things is to have an enemy" - E.B. White

Most of us would love to have a life without enemies. In fact, we go to great lengths to make friends and be happy. We read books on “How to win friends and influence people”. We dread the thought of having an enemy who is out to destroy our peace and success. If we were asked to think of and name our enemy, quite a few names might pop up in our minds. Some of us would go to great lengths to make a list and might even include anyone who has even slightly disagreed with us.

Not all are our enemies though. In fact, we are usually surrounded by well-wishers who wish to see us happy and fulfilled. People who criticise us are actually intending to correct us and guide us in the right path. People who punish us have similar motives. Come to think of it, every misfortune that we face is actually helping us become better human beings and more matured. Each experience is a lesson for us in our evolution process.

If that were so, do we really have any enemies? I would say that there is one enemy who is so close to us that we fail to recognise or realise him. That enemy is our own ego. Our ego is really our enemy because it is the one which makes us “difficult” people. Our ego stops us from having selfless and loving relationships. It is our ego which creates greed, envy, hatred, anger and all such negative emotions within us.

If only we realise this and shed our ego, we would be rid of the biggest enemy in our lives and progress much faster towards our goals. We would become less conscious of ourselves, less conceited, less inhibited and more positive in our lives. Recognise this and you become free!!

If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner - Nelson Mandela

Be Positive

2011-09-15T15:36:00.006+05:30

At any and every point of time in our lives, we are faced with circumstances which have both positive and negative connotations. For example, I have just got a promotion means higher level, larger role, bigger pay (positives) and also means higher responsibilities, more work, bigger targets (not so positive).

At every given point of time, we are also faced with a mix of events some of which are happy and some not so happy. For example, I just got a new cell phone (happy) and I lost / misplaced my favourite pen (not so happy). So, life is a big mix of high & low feelings and emotions.

The moot question is - what do we focus on? If we are the proverbial optimists, we tend to see the brighter side of things almost always. If, however, we are pessimists we tend to see the half empty glass. It is true that it takes all kinds to make the world go around and it is also true that there is a place under the sun for everyone.

Yet, there is a strong case for being positive. Positive people are cheerful and spread positive energy. They make the most of every moment. Life seems so lively when we are around them. Their spirits never go down and they are always full of hope. Such people have better health and happiness quotient. They also have better relationships with others. People just love to have them around.

Being positive does not mean one should be unrealistic. It is not meant to ignore problems or issues. It is just an attitude where the solution gets precedence over the problem and mind refuses to dwell on pain. It is a mindset where one accepts unwelcome events or situations without being overwhelmed by it. It is a reflection of confidence in ones own abilities as well as faith in the Almighty.

"A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug" - Patricia Neal

"Our lives are not determined by what happens to us but by how we react to what happens, not by what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. It is a catalyst, a spark that creates extraordinary results."
- Anonymous

Inculcating values in children

2011-08-04T13:10:00.004+05:30

A friend asked me this question and it set me pondering "How can we inculcate values into our children?"

After some introspection, I thought of a few ways by which this can be effectively done and I give them below.

Start Early - The younger a child is, the better it is to mould them as per our desires. Their minds are still flexible and open to learning. The kind of exposure they get as infants really sets the course for their lives. The younger a child is, the easier it is to get her time. As they start growing up, they find lesser and lesser time for parents. Young kids often seem eager to listen to stories and what better way to introduce values through simple and interesting stories? Besides stories, one can also do simple course corrections in day to day life too. For example, if you catch them lying / stealing / being dishonest, you can use the occasion to help them understand the importance of values.

Set Examples - Children tend to mimic their parents. If the parents are always smiling and cheerful, the child tends to be like that. If the parents are grouchy or serious, the child becomes that too. It is not merely genetics at play here. It is also the overpowering influence of someone the child looks up to. So, if we want our child to be less aggressive, for instance, we need to display that behaviour too. No point in using threats to change an aggressive behaviour - that will be counterproductive. We cannot scream at a child and say "STOP SCREAMING". The child learns to be quiet if we show her how. We cannot also ask the child to lie when it is convenient for us - for example, "Tell them I am not at home" when you want to avoid a phone call, gives a subtle message to the child that it is OK to lie.

Praise openly - There are many occasions when the child displays good behaviour. Make her feel special whenever she does well. Let her realise that good behaviour leads to instant acknowledgement and positive strokes. Tell everyone around, and within her hearing, of your joy and pride on her positive behaviour. Create a self image in her mind that will encourage her to make values an integral part of her character. Giving a gift / reward for positive behaviour may not be sustainable nor is it the right thing to do.

Counsel mildly - There would be occasions when the child falters and it is the responsibility of every parent to counsel the child. The method of counselling would have to be mild. It cannot be done by using force, threats or even punishment. The child should be made to realise through a soft discussion on the consequences of not practicing values. Old stories may be repeated and used for reinforcing. The whole effort would have to be to get the commitment from the child to be better in future. We should realise that no one is perfect and that everyone deserves a chance to improve and evolve.

Make Rules - It is easy to form habits when one is young and something is repeated frequently. There are many simple values that can be built in our children if we have simple rules in force. For example, we can have rules of etiquette to be followed religiously - Saying "please", "Thank you", talking softly and smiling often can all be programmed in children at an early age.

Right environment – For a child to inculcate values, it is important for her to grow up in the right environment. Parents can help in this process significantly. Is she having the right kind of friends? Is she having the right kind of activities? Is the school right for this? Is she staying in the right locality? Is she watching the right kind of programs? All of these are factors which have direct / indirect influences on her character. Choosy parents will make sure that every aspect is attended to and that there are no negative influences coming her way.

Shower Trust – One important dimension that parents should remember is to trust their child. They should explicitly and implicitly tell the child that they trust her fully. They should never be seen as probing too deeply and checking every single thing minutely. This is especially true as the child reaches adolescence. Otherwise, it might cause the child to rebel and display opposite behaviour.

The above points are not necessarily comprehensive. I am sure readers will have more suggestions and thoughts on this topic. I welcome your thoughts which will add value to this note and help in inculcating values in our children and through this process make our society a happier place to live in.

Being Indifferent

2011-07-24T15:04:00.002+05:30

There was once a guy who was searching for a spiritual Guru and was keen to get an Upadesh (or spiritual advice)from such a Guru. One fine day, a renowned Guru was camping near his town and so he went to visiting. The Guru usually observed a vow of silence and would not speak with anyone. When this guy went near the Guru and asked his for the Upadesh, the Guru spoke two words "Chuuma Iru" in Tamil which meant "Keep quiet".

Normal people would take this as an admonition and may sulk. However, so intense was this desire of this devotee that he literally accepted the Guru's words as gospel and started observing a vow of silence himself. Over a period of time, his observation skills shot up sharply. He also slowly started withdrawing into himself as his conversations with others had ended.

Over a period of time, he became what a true Yogi aspires to be. He started observing things with a disinterested eye and witnessed events without getting involved. He realised through personal experience that the world is like a stage with different people playing different roles. Different event occurred unexpectedly just as it would in a interesting play. He realised, in his mind, that nothing is permanent and there is no point getting attached to things. Just as the waves which rise and fall again in the mighty ocean, thoughts come and go, possessions come and go, friends come and go...

His mind became peaceful and balanced. Nothing disturbed his equilibrium and calm state of mind. Soon he too became sought after as a Guru.

This real story shows us a path to realise our life's purpose. We too can cultivate an attitude of indifference in ourselves. We too can withdraw ourselves from the overpowering attraction of the world and start seeking inwards. We too can use our senses for the right purposes only and not misuse it for indulging ourselves.

Of course, this path is not easy and not for every one. One practicing it will find people mistrusting and unhappy with this approach. One can be accused of hypocrisy. One way to reach this stage is to practice meditation earnestly. If we can learn to be indifferent at all times and in all eventualities, we will certainly find peace.

Moderation, which consists in an indifference about little things, and in a prudent and well proportioned zeal about things of importance, can proceed from nothing but true knowledge, which has its foundation in self acquaintance. – Plato

Living in harmony

2011-06-23T15:20:00.012+05:30

A movie I saw recently called the "The boy who wore stripped pyjamas" disturbed me greatly. The movie deals with the subject of Nazi cruelty to Jews seen from the eyes of an innocent 8 year old son of a Nazi commander. It shows how everyone was brainwashed into believing that Jews were oppressive, destructive etc. and also how Jews were not really people but a different kind of creature. People who had difference of opinion were dealt with severely till everyone fell in line with the central thinking.

Even to this day, a similar kind of tragedy, torture and killing is happening. The only difference is that we are now dealing with birds, animals, aquatic creatures etc. In the name of food processing industry huge amount of creatures are killed every day in the most inhuman manner. It is as if the poor animals do not have any right to life or dignity.

Most people who eat meat do not think about the suffering that the animals have to go through in order to become food on their table. The animals are bred and fed in very filthy environments. They are injected with drugs to make them grow abnormally. They are castrated in a brutal manner. Their body parts are chopped while still alive ignoring the pain that they undergo.

Some questions we seriously need to ask ourselves is - Are we really human? If yes, how do we allow / encourage such actions? How do we choose to act ignorant and look the other way when such acts are committed? Do we not care about the pain of the other creatures? How can we think of feeding ourselves by causing so much pain around?

This is not just about our eating habits. I have often seen speeding cars knock down animals on the road and going away without even a backward glance. It is as if the lives of other creatures do not matter. As if it is OK if they are injured, hurt or bleeding. There are very few people who care about the lives of others, especially other creatures.

We should recognise the Lord Almighty in every living being. We should be gentle and kind to all creatures. Even if we cannot go out of the way to feed them and take care of them, the least we can do is to refrain from harming them. Together we can make this world a better place. A place where every creature has a rightful place and role to play. A place where everyone is kind and gentle towards all creatures.

Let’s live in harmony and joy.

Confess to progress

2011-06-08T15:08:00.003+05:30

One of the aspects of Christianity that I love is the practice of confessing our sins. Within ourselves, it is easy to know when we have sinful thoughts or have committed sins. It takes a lot of courage to acknowledge and even more guts to admit it to someone else. Someone who has taken the step of confessing is surely on the right path to becoming a better person for she has recognised her sin, admitted it and resolved to rectify.

Confession is good for various reasons some of which are listed below:
1. It takes the load off the mind
2. It is the first positive step in self-improvement
3. It is an open declaration of one's resolve
4. It enhances the value of honesty which paves the way for other values to creep in and establish their presence

The act of confession by itself does not atone for sins. One should not carry an impression that confession "clears the slate" and permits one to sin again. It should not be treated as a ritual which needs to be completed after every sin. The very purpose of confession seems to be to make a strong resolution to avoid similar sins in future. It is like making a public declaration of our intentions to be better human beings.

We are all human and are prone to sinning (a) consciously or unconsciously (b) physically or mentally. We can reach the ultimate goal of divinity only when we are able to cleanse ourselves of sins. By sinning surreptitiously and projecting a clean image to the world, we are only fooling ourselves. People who strive to become better human beings and spiritually evolved would recognise the tremendous power of confessions.

Confess to progress

Give more, Seek less

2011-05-26T13:20:00.003+05:30

We all seek happiness and peace. This desire is universal and most of our activities are done in search of happiness and peace. We make friends, read books, watch movies, earn money, spend money, marry, visit places, pray etc. with the hope that it will help us gain happiness. Many of the activities indeed give us happiness but these are momentary and transient. Within no time we start feeling unhappy and empty and crave for the same or better kind of pleasure again.

One of the biggest delusions that we all carry is that happiness lies in getting something. We feel that we are incomplete and that by adding something to ourselves we will become complete and happy forever. Right from childhood, we display this trait of seeking something like a toy or a sweet to be happy. This also leads us to a mistaken belief that our possession is the source of our happiness. We also start believing that an 'exclusive' possession gives higher level of happiness.

A look around us tells us that happiness does not arise out of possessing something. If that were so, the richest people would be the happiest people. Yet, we see that that is not the case. The rich might enjoy comforts but they are always fearful that their wealth will get stolen or taxed. All their time is spent on thinking of ways and means to protect or enhance their wealth. So much that they neglect almost everything else.

Also, once you have something, the mind is busy craving for something else. The mind is always seeking what we "have not" while ignoring / taking for granted what we already have. It is always seeking new conquests and new acquisitions. While we are thus 'seeking' we are feeling restless and anxious. The sense of satisfaction that leads us to happiness is missing.

On the other hand, giving gives great joy to us. When we give, we get the feeling of abundance in us. We are no longer anxious about what we do not have. The satisfaction we get in giving is lasting and leads us to great happiness. The joy that we create in others gets reflected in us. In giving and sharing and serving lies the source of all happiness that we are seeking.

When we give, we get.

Enjoy your present

2011-05-22T17:05:00.008+05:30

A class of spiritual aspirants were once asked to list down their most happy moments. People wrote about their happiness on graduating, on marriage, on meeting a long lost friend, a picnic, a game etc. Some even wrote on their anticipated happiness events on awaiting a child, a forthcoming foreign holiday, a new job etc.

All of us follow this practice - looking back with joy and nostalgia or looking forward in pleasure to a planned / unplanned event of joy in our lives. Even for the most well endowed & gifted person, who never has faced a disappointment in life, it seems as though that joy is a past / future event.

Of course, we all do have our joyous moments too when we are conscious of the feeling of bliss and satisfaction. Take for example, winning a game or getting a promotion. At that point of time, we become truly happy and want to share the news as well as the joy with everyone around. And we can't stop smiling.

Most of the time, however, the pleasure of the moment is lost on us. For e.g. if we remember our school days, we sigh and wish we could re-live those years. But whilst in school we were keen to grow up and join college. Similarly, if we think of a holiday, we relish the memories. But whilst in the holiday, worries about safety, security, budget, health etc. were eating our minds...

In reality, every moment is a moment of joy - often realised only too late.

If we can realise this great secret and start appreciating our present moments, our lives would be more fulfilling indeed. Enjoy your present. Bask in gratitude for the things that you have in life. Share with others less privileged. Smile often. Spread the message of joy with everyone around. Think positive. Create lovely memories whilst living joyously.

Purpose of life

2011-05-17T15:21:00.010+05:30

Last week a young friend passed away suddenly. He slipped into coma when his blood sugar went down. Despite continuous medical attention and all parameters being normal, he remained in coma and passed away after ailing for a short while.

On hearing about his death, I realised again about the fickleness and uncertainty of life. We all realise this but quickly forget it in the hustle & bustle of everyday life. King Yudhistir was once asked about what surprises him immensely and he replied “Everyday all around us we see death and yet people believe that they will live forever”.

Even knowing that our days are numbered and that we shall give up the ghost sooner or later, we continue to lead lives without worrying about the purpose or our direction. We continue to chase after, and bemoan about, things which do not matter. We aspire for temporary pleasures. We pursue worthless goals. We discuss vague topics. We listen to junk.

We fail to see the presence of God everywhere. We fail to acknowledge His creation. We forget to remember Him. We avoid discussing Him. We turn away from music that praises Him. We do not sincerely worship Him. Nor do we show gratitude for His grace and generosity.

Wake up. Waste not a moment. Focus all your senses and mind onto Him. Feel blissful and be blessed. Discover the true meaning of your life. Achieve the true purpose of your life. Reach out to Him before death robs you of this opportunity.

Three C's to avoid

2011-05-12T15:33:00.000+05:30

Peace of mind is something that we all crave for. We cannot achieve this state without putting effort. After all, peace of mind is not something that can be procured by spending money or by force. The mind needs to be balanced and in equilibrium before it can reach that state. For the mind to be balanced, we have several 'dos' and 'don’ts' to follow. Given below are three 'don’ts' which go a long way to achieve that state. They are described as the three Cs.

Criticizing: The first C is criticizing. It is one of the most natural talents that we all have. Our minds seem to be tuned to find fault and spot blemishes. Many a times, we see problems where none exist. It is as if our minds have the uncanny knack of identifying a problem. At the same time, our tongues are eager to let others know of our 'superiority' in being able to articulate those problems. When we criticize thus, unnecessarily, we are unknowingly building resistance as well as enemies. These lead to unwarranted arguments and attempts to prove a point. Moreover, our minds which get clouded in negativity refuse to let us reach the state of equilibrium.

Complaining: The other C is similar to the first C and yet more damaging. Complaining is taking criticism to a higher level and almost results in condemning others. As long as it is constructive in nature and comes with intent to resolve and rectify, it is still bearable. What takes the cake is complaining which sounds like whining. It is other extreme of appreciating. It creates a huge negative whirlpool from which we are unable to extricate ourselves. We also carry the feelings of hurt and annoyance in our minds which prevents us from experiencing bliss.

Comparing: Another C which we seem to be unable to avoid is the comparison bug. It is almost like a virus which is in the air. Many of us are comparing all the time - ourselves with those around us. It could be about anything - wealth, friends, physique, job, dogs, appliances etc. It gives us momentary pleasure when we see others in a worse situation than us and also give us sleepless nights when we see others enjoying more than us. Comparison is a never ending maze where people get lost and unable to recover their bearings. It is a method of inventing joy / sorrow out of nothing.

These three Cs are best avoided and conscious efforts taken to prevent ourselves from getting entrapped here. It would be a good idea to ask one of our close spiritual friends to help us in the process. If someone were to remind us each time we use these Cs, it will help us tremendously in making course corrections. Over time, we might become habituated to completely avoid them and progress towards the much coveted state of peace in our minds.

Beauty of Character

2011-05-05T15:33:00.002+05:30

Many years ago, as a young bachelor, I had an animated conversation with a group of friends on marriage and the process of selecting a bride. Most of us, enamoured by reading love stories and seeing movies with similar themes had felt that falling in love with a beautiful person is the best way forward. Some of us also had a notion that beauty and goodness of character are directly related. There was only one person in our group who had a strong different view point.

He said physical beauty has nothing to do with character. Character depends on ones up-bringing and innate nature. Physical attractiveness has more to do with state of health, fitness and youth rather than with character. Given a choice, he said, he would go for a person with character as a life partner rather than a person with physical beauty.

There was wisdom in my friend’s thoughts. The problem with physical beauty is that it fades with time. One has to put in huge efforts to delay the inevitable process of aging and consequent impact on health and beauty. All efforts in this direction only give temporary benefits or results.

To build a solid foundation of trust and love, the most important ingredient is character. It is next to impossible to think of a long term relationship with anyone whose character is acutely flawed even though the person is exceptionally beautiful or even talented. At best, such relationship can be termed as fragile or opportunistic and it can never be solid.

It goes without saying that no one is perfect and each of us has our blemishes in character. Marriage is a great institution to gradually evolve into a better person. It is here that one learns all about supporting and adjusting with each other. It teaches us on the importance and value of differences and on accepting the same. A marriage will be robust and permanent when the partners have beauty of character (BOC). Higher the level of BOC, the better and more stable is the marriage.

BOC is relevant for all kinds of relationships and not only for marriage. One would love to be, work, play and interact with people who have BOC. Such people are always in demand and are ever popular. Success seems to be at their beck and call. Their faces always radiates with joy and peace. Life seems to be extra-kind to people with BOC.

Cultivate your BOC. Embrace a life of values.

What is your priority?

2011-04-29T10:08:00.002+05:30

How important is money to you? What will you do without money? Can you live without money? When will you feel you have enough money? Is a life of poverty worth living?

Some of these questions popped up in mind after a recent discussion with an acquaintance. She was of the firm opinion that money is critical and that it is easier said than done to live a life without money. People will intellectualize that money is not important but in reality will actually crave for it. Without money life is full of suffering and hardships etc.

It led me to think deeply on this subject and below are some thoughts that occurred to me. I give below 4 specific thoughts that came to my mind which makes me believe that there are other more important things than money. Yes, money is a tool and helps live life comfortably but it is not worth putting money into the center of our lives.

The first thought that came to me was of Steve Jobs. Here is a man - undoubtedly successful and extremely rich but with a terminal sickness at a fairly young age. What would be his priority? Will he not be willing to give up his entire wealth for the sake of a few more years of healthy life? His confidence in his abilities would be certainly high and he would probably give anything to have more time in this world. If not for anything else, he would want to live so that the ideas / innovations in his mind can see the light of the day. So, health probably is more important than money.

The second thought that came to me was of my mother. She passed away a few years ago. What use is wealth if it cannot be shared with ones loved ones? There might be so many people with no dearth of wealth but with a certain feeling of loneliness in their lives due to the absence of loved ones. So, between wealth and love, love takes a higher position.

The third thought that came to my mind was integrity and values. To what extent would one go to earn money? Is it right to compromise on morals and give a higher ranking to money. Most of us would emphatically draw the line and say that on the question of integrity there can be no compromise even if it means sacrificing lots of money.

The last thought that came to mind was the situation in Mahabharatha in which Arjun and Duryodhana are in Lord Krishna's chambers seeking his help in the Mahabaratha war. While Duryodhana chose the vast armies of Krishna (symbolic of worldly wealth), Arjuna was content with Krishna on his side. He thought that if I have God on my side, what else is required.

Money is no doubt important to get us material comforts. But matters like health, love, integrity and spirituality are more important and if we focus on these, money will never be a priority or a scarcity in our lives.

So, what is your priority?

Awaken your Hanuman

2011-04-18T13:10:00.004+05:30

Today is Hanuman Jayanthi. Practically every Indian is familiar with Hanuman - the monkey with supernatural powers who is an eternal devotee of Shri Ram. His contribution to locating Sita and in the war against Ravana is legendary. People love his accomplishments, knowledge and his steadfast devotion. His ability to fly long distances, increase / decrease his body size etc. never ceases to amaze. Scores of people worship Hanuman and seek strength, wisdom, devotion etc. from Him.

There is a Hanuman within each of us. That is our mind. Like a monkey, the mind is restless and ever active. At the same time, our minds have great power. It is magical. We can fly. In an instant we can travel across great lengths. We can defeat powerful armies fighting single-handedly. We can subjugate fierce wild animals. We can sing. We can do almost anything within our minds. In that sense, we are as powerful and endowed as Hanuman.

What we might be lacking is in humility and in our inability to control our egos. This is what we have to learn from Hanuman. Despite our strengths (real or imagined) we should consciously subjugate ourselves before the Almighty and be willing to do His bidding. There should be no sense of "I"ness and all personal needs / desires should be eliminated. An intense devotion to the Lord is all that we should be conscious of.

We can thus awaken the Hanuman within us. That is what we should strive and pray for.

Be a role model

2011-04-05T12:17:00.005+05:30

Each one of us is good at giving advice. We tell our children to be obedient, have pleasing manners, be disciplined etc. We tell our juniors at work to be punctual, focused, over-achieve etc. We tell our spouses to be balanced, mature, cool etc. We tell our neighbours to be friendly, helpful etc. Our expectations from others always borders on perfection.

Ever wondered what the expectations of others are? They expect us to be perfect too. At the very minimum, they expect us to practice what we preach and "walk the talk". It would seem too far fetched if we demonstrate some behaviour and expect a contrary behaviour from others. For example, if we were to be short tempered ourselves, how can we expect our children, spouse or neighbour to be any different?

If we strive for perfection ourselves, without worrying about others, we might soon end up becoming a role model for others. People might start looking up at us and emulating us. We might create the change that we wish to see merely by adopting it in ourselves. What greater achievement can there be when we have conquered ourselves and, in the process, unleashing a wave of change around us?

The world, that we perceive, is merely a reflection of ourselves. If we are filled with positive thoughts and emotions, we will see a wonderful world around us. Every moment will become a moment of joy and every person an angel from heaven. All we need to do is to adjust our lens and improve ourselves.

Be a role model in your circle of influence. Embrace a life of values.

On Sensitivity

2011-04-03T12:36:00.007+05:30

I was driving with a friend one day when we came across a strange spectacle. By the roadside, we saw a person seemingly crazy or drunk, throwing rubbish on passing cars. When our car neared her, she threw some garbage on our car too. Although our windows were rolled up, we instinctively ducked. Then, my friend got worked up and started scolding the mad woman from inside the car. I did not stop the car and drove on.

Later, my friend, in a pensive mood said "I was stupid to react. Knowing fully well that the person was not in her senses and that there was no point in trying to reform her, I should have been more cool."

This is a common occurrence in our lives. Whatever we do or don't, there are always people criticising us. Some will be constructive while some will be downright lies or false allegations. Why should we let this this ruffle us? It will be foolish to expect nothing but praise from others. There are many who relish rubbishing others and imagine that it makes them superior. If we have a clear conscience and heart, nothing should disturb our equilibrium. We should learn the art of avoiding being too sensitive.

Why do we tend to deem it necessary to react to every provocation, every comment, every thing that disturbs us? In a way, we are trying to do the impossible here - to change the world to suit us. In a way, we are showing our insecurities and our lack of confidence in ourselves when we feel upset or sensitive to things that hurt us.

We display maturity when we allow others to criticise or comment negatively without getting upset.

Charity & Sacrifice

2011-03-24T12:54:00.008+05:30

“Warren Buffet and Bill Gates contribute billions to charity” screamed the headlines in leading newspapers. The rationale for their magnanimous gesture - any surplus wealth left after taking care of all our requirements, and that of our children, are much more useful if donated in charity. Now, both of them are on a crusade to persuade other wealthy people to do likewise.

When I read the news of this extraordinary generosity of the two richest men in the world today, I was reminded of a story which features in our Puranas. Once, a very wealthy & powerful King had organized a huge Yagna or sacrifice. The practice of those days was that the King, upon the conclusion of the rituals, would give away large sums of wealth, grains, cattle, clothes etc. as charity to the needy people who would throng such occasions.

The king felt blissful and blessed after he had given away significant part of the wealth that he had accumulated through conquests, taxes etc. Suddenly, a hare appeared and started rolling on the grounds in front of the king. He noticed that one side of the hare was golden and the other side was normal. Intrigued, he asked the hare as to what it was up to.

The hare replied that it was in search of a worthy sacrifice to ensure that its body became fully golden. It said that half of its body became golden when it rolled in the floor of a peasant whose sacrifice was extraordinary. The King wanted to know more about this. So, he asked the hare to tell him the story of the peasant and his sacrifice.

The hare informed the king that there was a family of peasants who were very kind and charitable. They would often starve due to poverty and, on the days they could afford, would eat their meal only after feeding more needy people. One day, as they were about to eat, after starving for 3 days, they had a visitor who was hungry. They gladly invited him for sharing their meal. After he had been fed, as the family sat down to eat, another visitor came who was also very hungry. By the time they fed him, all the food in the house was over. They only had water left to drink. Just before they could have it, another visitor came with dogs and said that the dogs were thirsty. So, they even gave up the water for the dogs.

They gave up their lives in this manner and attained the highest goal. The family was blessed because they did not distinguish between themselves and others. Their sacrifice was indeed greater than any charity that people do after taking care of their needs. The hare rolled on their floor and became half golden. Since then, he was searching for a similar level of sacrifice so that he could become fully golden. The King, after hearing the story, realized that his effort, although praiseworthy, paled in comparison to the sacrifice of the peasant family.

Charity is when you feel for others. Sacrifice is when you treat others as yourself.

Use time well

2011-03-05T09:41:00.007+05:30

I met a 75 year old man yesterday who is working as a senior executive in a large firm. He said that although he retired many years ago, he has allowed himself to be persuaded to continue employment and put his talents, knowledge and experience to productive use. His wife passed away recently of cancer and he regretted that he could never spend enough time with her or his children. It seems she always complained to him that his work was his first wife and she was only his housekeeper. I could sense that he was deeply upset over his neglect of her.

This meeting set me thinking. Sometimes we are confused about our priorities. We tend to focus on the the wrong things only to realise and regret much later. We get employed to sustain ourselves and our families but get carried away and imagine that our career is of paramount importance. We begin to enjoy the rat race and do not know when to stop. We begin to crave for continuous success in this race and want to win at any cost.

Of course, there are some people who are clear about their goals and purpose. If career is indeed ones sole pursuit, it is great to be focused and dogged about it. However, for most people, career is not the sole goal. They seek happiness in the family front too. Some have spiritual goals too. For such people, it is frustrating to be unable to give adequate attention to other goals. One should not end up as a successful yet unhappy or dissatisfied person due to neglecting other goals.

It would be useful, from time to time, to step back and re-evaluate our direction and our time allocation to various activities. Are we allocating sufficient time for our physical well being? Are we giving enough quality time and attention to our loved ones? Is recreation, rejuvenation and connecting with God featuring in our calendar? Are TV & computers becoming an obsession? Is there any mismatch between our priorities and our activities?

The time to course correct is now. Do not let inertia dictate your life. Get in control of your time. Because without our realising it, we are getting older and exhausting our precious and limited time.

Use your time well.

“Put your family first. I’ve yet to see an obituary that says, “He died peacefully surrounded by his stockbroker, his accountant and his golf partner.” - Robin Sharma

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” - Annie Dillard

“If you don’t make time for exercise, you’ll probably have to make time for illness.” - Robin Sharma

Live light

2011-02-24T14:42:00.008+05:30

When we are born, we are born without any baggage. We live at the mercy of others around us. All our needs are taken care of by others. Seeing us so innocent and so light, everyone is attracted towards us. We give nothing to others and yet receive so much love, so much affection, so much care and so much attention. A slightest cry from us would be enough to melt everyone around.

Over the years, as our ego develops, we start accumulating possessions. We start getting attached to things. We start having desires. With desires comes anxieties and worries. The more we get, the more we expect. When expectations are not fulfilled, we become angry or disappointed. It is clear that our accumulation habit leads us to many negative situations.

The more baggage we carry, the more tiresome our journey becomes. If you want to enjoy the journey, travel light. Shed your ego. Shed your desires. Shed your possessions. Shed your attachments. Enjoy every moment in the blissful light feeling.

Live right. Live light.

Slow down

2011-02-05T13:57:00.006+05:30

A rich guy went on a holiday to a beach resort and saw a fisherman dozing under his boat on the shore. The rich guy admonished him for wasting his time and told him to use his time more productively. He said "You can work more, catch more fish, buy more boats and make much wealth rather than being a poor fisherman". The fisherman wanted to know the objective of making much wealth. The rich man said "You can then feel secure and be able to enjoy your wealth and relax in peace". The fisherman reminded him that it was exactly what he was doing before the lecture began!!

One of the distinctive features of living today, especially in urban areas, is our fast paced life. We try to experience and enjoy everything without having to wait. It is as if we do not want to waste a single moment of our precious lives. All around us we see people in a hurry to get to their destinations and their goals. Each one seems to be in a tearing hurry to accumulate wealth. No one wants to enjoy the journey anymore. This can be quite disorienting to people who come from rural areas where the pace of life is much slower.

Within a short time of beginning to learn something, we want to become experts at it. Budding artists are keen to display their talents, be it music, dance or something else, to everyone even before they have mastered it. Children yearn to complete the education process quickly and begin their careers early. It would not be surprising if people expect shorter pregnancies in times to come!!

While it may be good to have quicker results and faster turnarounds, it should not be at the cost of quality. We must not forget that everything has a gestation period. If we try to unnaturally complete tasks, we might end up getting contrary results or bad end products. Moreover, all this results in a highly stressful life. When we become excessively demanding with ourselves as well as others, we end up creating high levels of stress and consequent health as well as quality issues.

We must pause a while and consider the impact of our high speed living. Is it really worth it? Are we really accomplishing something worthwhile by living thus? What prompts us to live such lives? Is there a fear of getting left behind that is driving us? What is the consequence of running this rat race? Is there something that we are missing while leading such a life? Are we impacting our relationships by our quest for speed?

The objective of this post is not to ask people to hibernate, go into a shell, run at snails pace or not be ambitious. It is to point out the benefits of being natural and experiencing the positive spin-offs by a moderate and simple life style. Please read the story by Leo Tolstoy on "How much land does a man need" at http://www.katinkahesselink.net/other/tolstoy.html and you will understand the essense of this post.

Value Dilemma

2011-01-22T21:58:00.007+05:30

People who are following values diligently are sometimes faced with situations when one value seems to conflict with another. If one value is practiced, it might result in violating another value. What kinds of situations are we talking about? And how does one deal with such a situation? I give a couple of examples of conflicting situations to illustrate the point.

Instance one: An animal, say a cow, has escaped a butcher and is running down a road with the butcher in hot pursuit. It takes a side road and the butcher does not see it. He goes up to a pedestrian who has witnessed the entire sequence and asks him if he has seen the animal. If the pedestrian speaks the truth he ends up sending the poor animal to its death which it is seeking to escape from. Thus, truth (value) is seen as conflicting with compassion (value).

Instance two: A group of fundamentalists are attacking / persecuting a person for his religious views which are conflicting with theirs. The attacks are ferocious and life threatening. A group of neutral by-standers are watching this and have to decide whether to interfere or not. One value (that of protecting the weak and defenceless) is conflicted with the value of non-violence.

There could be so many instances in our daily lives that put us in such a dilemma. Should one use the cane on a child or use more gentle approaches? Should one continue to trust someone even when there are instances where the trust is betrayed?

One way would be to go "with ones conscience" and "listen to the heart". All lay people would recommend this as it is easy to implement and seems most logical. The problem, however, is that one conscience is conditioned by ones upbringing and past experiences. This may lead to different people using different approaches when dealing with similar situations. This is not desirable as inconsistencies are not the sign of a mature and balanced society.

This is the reason why our seers wrote epics like the Ramayana and the Mahabaratha to guide people on the best way to deal with situations. The reading of such epics is essential for all if we have to develop a consistent approach on dealing with value dilemmas. The stories are intricately narrated with various instances of conflicting situations and one can learn from how the characters deal with such situations. Dharma or Values are explained at length throughout such epics in a very logical and convincing way.

In the first instance given above the protection of the animal is considered as a higher value and therefore has to be followed even at the cost of being untruthful. And in the second instance, the reaction of the by-stander would be based on their caste (a brahmin may advice and a kshatriya has to fight) and in case of doubt, the value of protecting is higher than that of non-violence.

I would love to hear comments on this very important topic for discussion.

How to Earn Respect

2011-01-10T11:11:00.005+05:30

I overheard two senior citizens talking about something animatedly. One said "I really felt insulted when he did what he did. After all I deserve some respect. I retired as Chief of XYZ organisation and I am no ordinary guy. I still feel hurt and upset over that incident....". He went on and on. How many of us have felt similarly at some stage in our lives? We all crave for recognition and respect. And if there are instances where we experience something else, we feel hurt and brood over it for a long long time.

I remember a favourite saying heard in my childhood days "Command Respect and don't Demand Respect". I always felt that it is important to know how to command respect and this blog attempts to address this question.

In order to command respect from other, we would need to do one or more things from the list given below. This list is only indicative and not exhaustive. Moreover, it is not listed in any particular order other than how it occurred to me. To earn and retain respect, we should:

1. Give respect to others and their feelings
2. Be humble
3. Work without expectations
4. Be selfless
5. Have courage
6. Have high integrity
7. Listen more
8. Speak well
9. Deliver on promises

It occurs to me that people tend to genuinely respect only those people who live a life of values. Others may be able to create a false respect out of fear or greed but these are short lived and certainly not heartfelt. Whatever your role in life may be - whether as a boss, a friend, a mother, a teacher, a parent or anything else, in my considered view, real respect is only reserved for value based living.

What are your thoughts on this?

Embracing Values

2011-01-03T13:34:00.010+05:30

Yesterday I read in the newspapers that B schools are planning to introduce and cover the subject of ethics in their curriculum. This thought has come about after seeing many scams that have been perpetrated by the educated professionals. I was heartened by this news as this subject is close to my heart.

I have always believed that the world will become difficult to live in unless everyone lives a life of values. Anarchy. lawlessness, violence, cheating etc. will thrive without values being practiced in earnest by people. We might progress materially but will decay in every other aspect without values guiding our lives.

Having said this, I feel that ethics or values cannot be inculcated by teaching it as a subject and getting students to learn the theory of values. People who have ethics as a subject to be passed to become a graduate might end up mugging this subject and not really understanding it or imbibing it. The very objective of introducing the subject and inculcating it might get diluted if were to be a mere topic for study.

What then is the way forward? I give below some thoughts that come to mind and hope to see it getting enriched by the comments of my readers.

1. Ethics education should begin early. Right from childhood. The parents, siblings and others who make up the child's world (core group) should be actively involved in educating the child right from the impressionable age.

2. The core group should also demonstrate and live a life of values at all times. The child who is thus exposed to value living at an early age will imbibe it and practice it.

3. Encouragement should be given to the child every time she confirms to the value living concept. She should be lavishly praised for every single example in her life which shows values. Her mind should thus get firm on living a life of values.

4. If there are errors or judgement or occasions of default, it should be noted but not excessively dwelt upon. Instead, encouragement / positive strokes should be used liberally to imbibe values.

5. Others should also be spoken of highly for the values they show. This will create an intense desire in the child to inculcate those values too.

6. Children love hearing stories and they should get to hear, see and read stories wherein the themes revolve around values. The main characters should be exemplars in this area.

7. School should also be having curriculum, methods and standards which encourage values. Yardstick for judging a child should be the demonstration of values and not success / wealth etc. acquired through unfair means.

8. Society should also be built on similar lines. People who live ethically should be recognised, appreciated and even rewarded more than others who do not follow. They are the ones who should be treated as the heroes of every society.

9. Only such people who live ethically and with values should be allowed to elect and be elected as leaders and law makers.

I think the above steps outlined gives a fair idea of how I think. I know it can be branded as impractical and impossible to implement. However, I feel that if we want a clean society, we have no option but implement the above. If we work towards this relentlessly, we will eventually achieve our objective.

I am looking forward to your views on how we can create a world for the future generations which will be a pleasure for them to live in.

Be thee modest

2010-12-14T19:45:00.006+05:30

The other day, I had an interesting experience. I was hearing an important person speak about his organisation. Out of his allotted time of thirty minutes, he spoke for about fifteen minutes about his contribution to the growth of the organisation. The speech was peppered with "I" and "me". I could hear the audience snicker and grumble. The token applause from them encouraged the speaker to boast some more.

At the end of the speech everyone was unanimous in condemning the speaker. They wondered why he had to blow his own trumpet this way. Was it his insecurity? Or was it a wrong value system? In any case, his speech had an exact reverse effect from what he intended.

Many a times, we tend to fall in this trap. We feel that our services are not recognised and we need to publicise it. We feel that others who promote themselves end up getting all the accolades and the rewards. We feel that unless we talk about our achievements, it will be missed out or forgotten.

However, in my view, this is absolutely unnecessary. People do notice even though they may not openly acknowledge or praise the doer. Someone who is actively performing is always recognised. Modestly is a virtue that we should all cultivate. If someone praises us openly the correct response would be to down play our achievement and include others for the recognition. Such a response is agreeable and positive. The more one demurs, the more is the value given to that person.

What are your thoughts?

Give to get

2010-10-29T14:50:00.008+05:30

A long time ago, when the barter system was prevalent, there was a trade agreement between two persons. One was a dairy farmer and the other had an orchard of apples. They agreed that every week they will exchange five liters of milk with one kilogram of apples. This went on smoothly for a few months.

One day the dairy farmer went to the king with a dispute. He said "I have been noticing that I am getting less than a kilo of apple each week. My trade partner is cheating me by giving me less than what was contracted for." The king sent for the other guy and asked him for his version.

The orchard owner said " I have been noticing a steady dilution in the quality of the milk that is being supplied to me. What used to be thick and creamy is now thin and watery. As I am getting less, I am supplying less."

This situation is not unusual. Times have changed and we now have the monetary system but people's mindsets are still the same. We all want a good bargain. We want to pay less and get more. "Value for money" is how we describe this expectation.

If everyone wants to get and none wants to give, how will trade happen? The same applies to relationships also. Unless we give, we should not expect to get anything. The more we give, the more we love, the better will our relationships be. Without giving, the relationship becomes bitter.

There is also a joy in giving without expectations. People who are generous realise that giving is indeed more joyful than getting. There is an indescribable pleasure in making others happy. When we give selflessly and unconditionally, we are creating positive circles of joy which makes the world a better place to live.

True test of knowledge

2010-10-29T13:55:00.006+05:30

One topic that can be endlessly debated on is "what is knowledge?"

Who can be called as knowledgeable? Is it people with strong skill sets? Or is it people who have a string of degrees? Or is it people who have large number of followers and devotees? Is it the consultants / experts who command a huge price? Or is it people with depth of experience in select areas? Or is it people who hold high positions and have huge power bestowed on them?

What is knowledge? Is it the same as intelligence or smartness? Most of us often confuse information or charisma or articulation with knowledge. Real knowledge is something beyond all this. People who strut around with pride on their knowledge often get stuck for words when asked simple questions like "Who am I?". Knowledge should not be confused with ability to make a living or earn wealth.

My own thoughts on this is as follows. A person can be called knowledgeable if she knows her self. She is able to differentiate between her body and her self and likewise with others. She knows the interconnections between different forms of life. She knows how to live and the purpose of her life. She knows where she has come from and where her destination is.

The true test of knowledge is not in the ability to articulate with conviction. A person who is truly knowledgeable can be identified by her conduct. Such a person is always cool, calm, balanced and unperturbed. She is gentle with all and compassionate. She has love for all beings and is always interested in giving rather than getting. She is selfless. She upholds values irrespective of its consequences.

A persons knowledge level is known by her conduct.

Motives matter

2010-10-18T20:14:00.006+05:30

Almost every religion & book on values prescribes people to do good acts and think positive. In order to convince people to do good, they talk about the benefits in the form of better relations with people, better environment, a place in heaven etc. This certainly is good as it encourages otherwise negative, lazy or disinterested people to do good work. We see people practicing charity and doing service etc. to others with high enthusiasm and fervour.

The Sanatana Dharma - also known commonly as Hindu religion - recommends that people do good acts without any motive. Lord Krishna says in the Bhagavad Gita that one should practice Karma Yoga or do actions without any motive or desire. The reason for this recommendation is simple - while actions are in our control, results are not. Moreover, if actions are motivated mainly by results, one can see a reversal in enthusiasm if the desired results are not met.

Actions carried out with a selfish motive are also dangerous. Selfishness usually denotes an interest for gaining something for oneself at the cost of others. As long as one is selfish, one tends to become biased and unfair. One justifies this behaviour by various methods and arguments. The other problem with "selfish good acts" is that it stops as soon as the self interest is served.

Motives do matter even if one is doing a good thing.

Stay focussed

2010-10-08T21:23:00.010+05:30

There is a story in the Mahabaratha about Drona, the teacher of all forms of warfare. He was teaching his students on the principles of archery. He called out his first student and asked him to arm the bow and prepare to shoot a distant target in the form of a toy bird. The objective was to hit the birds eye.

To each student, his simple question, before the arrow was released, was "What do you see?". Each student said things like "I see you Sir and my fellow students, I see the sky, the trees, the bird etc." Only Arjuna, who later became a very accomplished and expert archer, said "I see only the birds eye".

The teacher used this as an example with his students to explain the importance of focus. In order to be successful and accomplish ones goals, one has to have the same intensity of Arjuna. When one is distracted by other things, it is easy to miss the target.

Staying focussed is easier said than done especially when the mind is so fickle and there are so many distractions around. Yet, champions have a special ability to de-focus from the distractions and concentrate on the core objective. Imagine a Vishwanathan Anand playing chess or a Sachin Tendulkar batting and you will realise the importance of focus.

One may be playing multiple roles in life or having multiple interests For example, one may be a student and also be a sportsperson & a budding musician. In order to be successful, one has to forget the other interests while pursuing or practicing each of these disciplines. If such a focus is achieved, one can scale great heights.

What does this have to do in a blogspot of values? Even while pursuing values, one has to have the same level of concentration, a single minded purpose and commitment in order to ensure that there are no slip ups in the journey. Being focussed on ones objective and goal is the sure way to be successful in life.

Appreciate & Encourage Values

2010-10-03T12:24:00.006+05:30

I had read a story in my childhood which made a deep impact on me. It was about a group of boys playing cricket and accidentally breaking a window in the neighbourhood. While most of the boys ran away and hid themselves, there was one brave and honest boy who stood his ground and admitted his guilt when the house owner came enquiring. The owner was, who was normally an irritable man, was impressed with the boys sense of responsibility and truthfulness that he forgave him. I had resolved, after reading this story, that should a similar situation happen to me I will be like the boy and set an example for others.

Now when I look back I realise that, in this story, both the boy and the house owner are exemplars in different ways. The house owner is also to be lauded for encouraging the boy to live a life of values. It is common place to find people who punish people who confess thereby making them feel that honesty is not the best policy. Rare are those people who rise above the immediate temptations and focus on what is good for the long term.

It is indeed difficult to practice living a life of values in today's world. I read about a person who resolved to speak only the truth for a period of three months. He made enemies, lost friends and even strained his relations with his family by merely being truthful!! Everyone intrinsically understands and acknowledges the need and importance of values. However, people want flexibility in practice especially when their interests are affected.

It is therefore very important to have people who rise above short term needs and who encourage / motivate / appreciate people who practice values. People who live a life of values are usually not successful and walk a lonesome path. They are motivated by an inner urge and commitment. We should strengthen their resolve by appreciating them and overlooking any minor transgressions that they might make.

Do you agree? If yes, do you commit yourself for the same?

You are your best friend

2010-09-11T16:00:00.006+05:30

Are you someone who loves the company of friends and hate being alone? Well, then you are not the only one. I can very well relate to you. Many years ago,I found myself in a foreign country on work and spent almost 18 months away from family and friends. At that time, I had felt overwhelmed by the sense of loneliness. So desperate had I become that I quit my job before the contract expired and returned back home!

There are zillions of people who crave to have someone around them and feel lost when they are all by themselves. Such people feel comforted by the presence of others near them and have the overpowering need to reach out and communicate. It is not just about talking with or hearing others but also about feeling secure and nice with the mere presence.

It is but natural that when there are two people there are many shared moments of togetherness and happiness. There are also moments of disagreements and disappointments. Two people can have two or more views on any subject leading to debates and sometimes arguments which can sometimes lead to anger or frustration.

If there is anyone who is always near you and with you, it is you yourself. You are your best friend who is never apart - even for a moment. You know yourself better than anyone else. You accept yourself as you are without any complaints or concerns. You know everything that you think and you are in total agreement with your thoughts. You seldom argue with yourself. You empathise with yourself more than anyone else. Hardly anyone can love you or care for you as much as you do.

Despite this, why do we shy away from our own company? Why do we feel uncomfortable with ourselves?

Master your senses

2010-09-06T13:53:00.016+05:30

There is a tale in Srimad Bhagvatam on how different creatures fall prey due to their different addictions. The firefly gets consumed by the very flame it gets attracted to. Yet, it continues to literally play with fire due to the desire to enjoy the sight of something bright. The fish cannot control its tongue and sense of taste and hence gets ensnared by the hook which tempts it to bite.

Likewise, the deer is trapped by hunters by playing soft music for they know that the deers have a weakness for the sense of hearing. The bee which is attracted by the smell of the lotus gets entrapped inside and dies. The mighty elephant gets trapped by hunters by exploiting its weakness for the sense of touch. They bait the animal with a tame female which leads it to the trap.

Each of these creatures gets into trouble because of excessive attraction to one sense only. What can we say about humans who indulge each of the senses? We want to keep entertaining our eyes and ears endlessly at the cost of precious sleep. We want to keep tasting delicious variety of food /drink all the time to the detriment of our digestive system. We want to enjoy the pleasures of touch through massage etc. irrespective of the consequences. We use perfumes, deodorants etc. to pander to our sense of smell without caring for the environment.

Have we ever considered what this can lead to? Our own sense indulgence will lead to our loss. Someone who is excessively fond of hearing music will, over time, find a loss of the hearing faculty due to excessive exposure to sound. Likewise, someone who is, without rest, straining the eyes by watching TV / movies / Computer might find his eyes becoming less sharp.

Any form of obsession or excess will have its negative effect on us. The true purpose of our senses is for protecting our life and for essential activities. We must not let the desire for pleasure conflict and overtake our senses. We must not let our senses enslave us. Rather, we must master our sense in our own interest. By doing so, we will be able to control our desires and live longer healthier lives.

When we master our senses, our lives will become more fulfilling and happy.

Don't trust your mind

2010-08-30T20:52:00.007+05:30

I once read a story of a man who, after many days of travel, came to rest under a wish fulfilling tree. The man was tired and thought "The shade and breeze here is perfect and soothing. I wish I had a bed to lie down and rest awhile." Immediately in front of him stood a sturdy bed and soft pillows.

The man was taken aback. He did not know what happened. Confused but happy, he lay down on the bed. Then he mused "I wish I had some people to massage my tired feet." Soon enough, there appeared a couple of people who began pressing his tired legs and helping him relax.

Now, the man thought "Oh, this is great. I wish I had some nice food and drinks to refresh myself." No sooner had he thought of this, there appeared before him a table laden with the choicest of food and drinks. He had his fill with great relish and soon fell asleep.

After a while, he woke up and said to himself "This place is secluded and lonely. What if a hungry man eating tiger comes here?" And that was the end of the man and the story.

Our minds are very strange and seldom in our control. It moves from one thought to another. If at all we share with others all that we think, we will all be branded as insane or lunatics. Such is the kind of fantasies that each of us imagine. Our thoughts are uncontrollably shaped by our moods, our immediate surroundings etc. Moreover, our thinking is shaped by our individual learning and experiences. What we hold as a firm view gets changed based on new learning and exposures. Yesterday, I was sure about something, but today I am not so sure.

Under such circumstances, can we really depend upon and trust our own minds? If anyone says he can trust his mind, he is either supernatural or stupid. We need to have the humility to accept that we have limited knowledge and be honest in admitting that our minds are not in our control. If we choose to go by our own instincts and thinking, we might end up in the wrong path.

We should seek people who have the wealth of real knowledge and who have mastered their minds to guide us. These are the real Gurus who serve as the light houses showing us the right path.

What do you think?

Adam & Eve - The original story

2010-08-18T16:49:00.005+05:30

Most of us who have exposure to modern education know of the story of Adam and Eve. How many of us know that this story is in fact an adaptation of the original story found in Hindu scriptures? I myself learnt this not very long ago and wish to share this with you. I give below the original Hindu story.

Originally, this was not a story but an illustration to teach on the fundamental philosophy of Hinduism. The illustration refers to Atma (Adam) or Universal soul and Jeeva (Eve) or life as two birds sitting on the same Peepul (Apple) or Fig tree which symbolises the body.

The Jeeva identifies itself with the body and enjoys the fruits of the tree in the form of pain or joy which are the effects of past sins or virtues. The Atma, which is as aspect of the Lord, is beyond this and hence is only an observer and not a participant.

Hindu philosophy tries to draw a distinction between the body and the soul. It tries to teach that while we dwell in the body, we are not the body. We continue to exist even if much of the body parts are lost in some accident. The question "who am I?" if taken to its logical conclusion tells us that "I" am an entity distinct and different from my body.

An enlightened person is one who realises this and does not identify with the body. She is therefore able to handle the differences like joy / pain, honour / dishonour etc. with equanimity.

This illustration is given to seekers of true knowledge in order to show them a way of living life. When one becomes aware of the difference between the body which is transient and temporary in nature and life which is eternal, one starts becoming more balanced and matured in ones approach. Ups and downs in life become easier to bear. The essential inequality among different people / beings begin to disappear and dissolve. One starts become more dispassionate, compassionate and selfless.

One becomes ready for spiritual salvation or Moksh.

The perfect life-partner

2010-08-12T10:26:00.010+05:30

One of the reasons why all of us choose life-partners (LP) is because we feel incomplete. We feel that if we have a LP our cup of joy will overflow and we will find the bliss and the peace that we seek. All of us also want a perfect LP- perfect in all senses of the world. Someone who is fun to be with, someone who is good looking, someone who shares our philosophy, someone who is healthy and has good habits, someone with whom we can be ourselves etc. etc.

We therefore choose our LP with a lot of expectations and, alas, we soon discover that our LP is not as perfect as we thought or sought. We start noticing little and subtle differences and over time these can lead to major differences. Even if one does stay together, the feeling of incompleteness remains. Some people then begin to stray or drifting apart or even start looking around.

Actually, our minds are fickle - what seems good at one moment seems poor at another moment, only because the circumstances or our expectations have changed for e.g. when it is hot and sultry, we enjoy a good downpour but we start hating the same downpour if it comes in the way of our outing.

Most of the imperfections that we see are due to our own imperfections and inability to accept reality. If we are a type who sees the negatives more than the positive, we are bound to have disappointments with our LP. Instead, we should focus on the brighter aspects of our LP and ignore everything else.

Life is a mirror. It is like an echo which returns whatever we send forth. If we smile at others they smile back. If we are the silent types, people stop making conversation with us. We should therefore focus on changing ourselves to see a positive impact on our LP.

We should realise that no one is perfect. Life is all about accepting the imperfections and adjusting with it and enjoying it.

If at all we are really seeking the perfect LP, we should choose the Lord Almighty as the LP. The very definition of the Lord is that He is perfect in all respects. In terms of physical attributes, He is the most attractive. In terms of talent or knowledge, no one can beat Him. In strength, He is all powerful. He has no ego. He has no expectations from us and accepts us as we are. Moreover, He is permanent and always with us.

Our lives would become fulfilled if we choose to have Him as our life-partner.

Say no to gossip

2010-07-23T15:26:00.003+05:30

To some people, one of the greatest forms of entertainment and recreation is gossiping. Chilling out with a friend and sharing juicy tit bits of "news" or even rumours about others gives them great pleasure. Such people feel emptiness in their lives if they do not get a regular dose of such sessions. No wonder that there are so many magazines and periodicals dedicated to sharing such stories about celebrities.

If we think about this, is there any purpose being achieved by such chit chat? Is it helping us in any way? Are our lives becoming more fulfilled or are we progressing towards our goals? For everyone it is a waste of precious time other than people who have made it their career to indulge in this.

I do agree that networking is important and am in no way suggesting that it be done away with. So, even when we network with our close friends, we can always choose interesting and important topics for discussion. Instead of talking about others, we can talk with other on how to make a positive impact on ourselves, our environment etc.

We are all blessed with the same amount of time in a day. How productively we use this time is all that matters. Moreover, our lives itself is uncertain and one never knows which moment is going to be ones last moment. Under such circumstances, we cannot afford to while away our time in idle or malicious chatter.

We need to make a list of our priorities and ensure that adequate time is spent or invested in it. If at all we find extra time in our hands and do not know what to do with it, we can use it to reflect on our lives and ways of improving its quality. If we are keen to improve things or people, let us start with ourselves. I personally feel that praying and contemplating on God is a good way of spending ones time. It can be done anywhere, anytime and anyhow.

Free time is a blessing. Use it wisely. Do not fitter it away.

Universal love without attachments

2010-07-02T15:11:00.009+05:30

Universal love is prevalent when one loves everything in the universe. One is filled with a deep sense of affection for everyone and everything. One forgets differences and sees / recognises the same Almighty creator everywhere. The feeling of love is so strong that one wants to sacrifice everything to spread happiness all around. One is seeking nothing for oneself and is completely selfless.

For such a person, there is no enemy and there is no competitor. There is no one to feel afraid of or threatened by. There is no apprehension nor any anticipation. Whether it is another individual or another being, the feeling of love is just the same. Only such a person has true wisdom and knowledge who sees uniformity in diversity.

Yes this mood or this frame of mind can be created by each one of us. It is not impractical or unrealistic. So many holy souls have demonstrated that this is possible. Divine souls like Sai Baba of Shiridi and Jesus Christ have retained this frame of mind even in the most trying of circumstances.

If we look at nature, we find that she is full of love and giving. The sun gives abundant sunshine without making any distinctions, the winds serve to cool things when its gets hot, the earth bears huge amounts of stress without complaints, the trees give shade, fruits, wood etc. Everything in nature is designed to love and sacrifice.

Yet when one loves, one should love without a sense of attachment. Any feelings of attachment ends us diluting love and starts creating expectations. One can be dispassionate only when the sense of attachment is removed. When we love with attachment, we are giving conditional love. Attachment is in reality a manifestation of our ego. With attachment comes disappointment, anger, frustration etc.

People with such a state of mind are rare indeed. They immediately attract the attention of followers and devotees. Even though they desire nothing for themselves, others respond to them with the same intensity of love. Even animals, birds and aquatic creatures approach them without fear or any other negative emotions. Such people have only friends and dear ones wherever they go.

Even though this seems like an impossibility, one should strive to attain this mindset. One can start in a small way with immediate family and neighbours and then slowly extend this to others. Initially there will be hiccups and obstacles, but if one is enlightened & determined and is able to course correct, over a period of time one can, if one so desires, reach this state of bliss and never ending happiness.

Save our Rivers

2010-06-19T13:52:00.013+05:30

As part of our visit to Uttranchal on a recent holiday, we went to Gangotri. This is the place where the holy river Ganga has a temple dedicated to Her. The actual origination of Ganga is in a place called Gaumukh which is about 18kms trek from this Gangotri.

From the point of origin till she reaches the plains at Haridwar, the Ganga is clean, pure and fresh. She is a delight to watch as she gushes onwards like a young damsel full of vigour and cheerful spirit. She supports life all along the way and the entire area surrounding her path is fertile, lush green and heavenly.

Unfortunately, people along the path have not understood that the responsibility to keep her clean is in their hands. All through the plains, people use her as a dumping ground for their waste and convert a beautiful river into a virtual gutter. Towns dump their drainage into her and factories dump their effluents without even treating it. People even throw half burnt dead bodies into her. The increased use of chemicals in our every day lives (eg. tooth paste, wasing soap, cleaning soap etc.) eventually finds its way into our rivers.

All of these leads to a the precious and much venerated river becoming dirty and unfit for consumption. The natural and clean mineral rich river becomes like an ordinary drain within a few hundred kilometers of existence in the plains. All this leads to serious damage to vegetation and marine life in and around the river. What a pity that no one has the courage or the commitment to change this!!

The story is no different for the other revered rivers like the Yamuna which resembles a brackish foul smelling drain by the time she reaches Delhi which not too far away from her origin.

Despite huge amounts of money being spent in cleaning the Ganga, nothing much is really happening. There is an urgent need for people to realise the criticality of this and take steps to prevent the pollution of the Ganga. Strong political will coupled with social movement is needed to bring the Ganga back to her days of glory. People living along her banks should be vigilant to prevent any foreign matter being dumped into her.

The good news is that if we can prevent fresh dumping, the rivers have a self cleansing mechanism and, in a short time, we can see a rejuvenated river enhancing the quality of health and life all around.

Plant, Nurture and Protect trees

2010-06-07T13:52:00.009+05:30

I was on a holiday recently in Uttrakhand - a state in India famous for its majestic mountain ranges forming part of the mighty Himalayas. The name Himalayas brings into mind pictures of blue mountains thick with crisp cool air, lush green forests, fresh cool water springs, streams and rivers and snow clad peaks. In parts this is true. One does get to see all this and more.

Yet, over the years, I have seen a steady decline of the green cover. This is partly due to the local populace using the timber for building houses, heating homes etc. I also saw an alarming trend of people cutting and burning trees to create terrace farms to cultivate crops. The other thing I noticed was the devastation to the trees caused by the process of road construction. While there are many who contribute to this decline, the work of increasing green cover is sadly left to nature.

Such a destruction of green belt leads to havoc to the environment. Trees support the entire chain of life starting from tiny insects to larger creatures including human beings. With the disappearance of trees, one can see a steady decline of life all around. Landslides occur more frequently and leads to exposing the rocky undersides of the mountains which increases the heat. The snow line starts receding affecting the water supply. The lives of millions of people will be adversely affected in the coming years.

In my view, we are rapidly running downhill towards destruction and only a miracle or a dramatic change of peoples approach can help improve things.

As I reflected on this, one thought struck my mind. For a long time, our society has ignored the person who plants, nourishes and protects trees. Instead, we reward the person who cuts the trees by purchasing the produce from him. One simple way to improve things is to change this equation. Can we start recognising and rewarding the planter or creator and start punishing the cutter / destroyer? If we do this, more people will be incentivised to turn creators.

There are many who love trees and wish they could do something to help. Most however, get distracted and de-focused over time. There are very few who take action and make things happen. Each of us can make a difference. In our respective localities, we can make efforts to help plant, nurture and protect trees. We can cajole, coerce or convince people to support this movement. Terrace farms can be converted into terrace orchards with fruit bearing trees.

Let us make the earth a better place. Lets become creators of a better tomorrow. Lets us give our children and grand children a greener, cooler and better earth to live in.

Love your self

2010-05-07T14:36:00.005+05:30

Love your self. This was the advice given by a wise saint to a person who sought his advice on what is the best method of reaching happiness and peace. Sounds easy, doesn't it? Presumably, most of us are doing this without being told to do it. Yet, why is it that there is so much sadness, sorrow and depression in this world? If we are truly loving ourselves, what is blocking our joy?

Many years ago, I was attending a lecture on personality development when the speaker asked us to answer a simple question on "Who am I?". Many of us attempted to answer this by giving our name, our career details, our personal life details etc. Try as we did, we ended up describing ourselves by relating ourselves to someone or something else and was not a proper description. For example, our name is not us.

If we think deeply, as suggested by seers and philosophers, we will realise that we are not the body but only residing in it. A time will come when we will have to exit the body as it becomes frail, weak and unsuitable for us. Yet, most of us falsely identify ourselves as the body and seek to indulge the body by sense gratification. Any pleasant sensation that we get in the body, we presume is pleasant for ourselves. The truth is that our self is not at all affected by what happens to our body. The self, therefore, is not our body. It is also not our mind or our intellect.

The advice "Love your self" is not about loving your body or about being selfish. If we identify our inner self truly, we will realise that it is the same self that is present in all living beings - be it other people or other forms of life. The bodies are different and so are the minds and intellects but the self is essentially the same.

This self is called life by ordinary people. When the life goes away, the same body which was attractive starts rotting and decaying. People start shunning it and want to get get rid of it as soon as they can. The attraction in the body is only due to the life in it. So, celebrate the life that is in you and in others around you. Seers say that it is this life that is a representation of God. When they say love your self, they really mean love God. Love God unconditionally.

Love your self means love your life. Love the self in others. Live life selflessly.

Effort Or Destiny

2010-05-03T16:11:00.008+05:30

Does man enjoy success through efforts or is it based on fate / destiny? This is one question that has been debated throughout the world endlessly from time immemorial without reaching any definite conclusions.

There are a set of people who swear by effort and action orientation. The firmly believe that our destiny is in our hands and it is we who can make things happen by having a firm resolve and by taking affirmative actions. They believe in taking charge, planning well and executing right. They feel people who talk about destiny are either cowards or lazy people.

On the other hand, there are people whose experience tells them that there is a larger power which controls things and that things do not always happen the way they are intended to. How else can one explain luck? Or love? Or unplanned events like accidents? There are many people who aspire and study for one profession (like me) and end up in professions very different.

One cannot deny that there is a larger power which makes things happen in ways which are unpredictable. "Man proposes, God disposes" goes an old saying. No wonder then many people use prayer as a method of connecting to and appease that higher power. Yet, it does not seem right to become complacent and give up all efforts and leave things to destiny.

Both the person who swears by effort and the person who leaves things to destiny are subject to disappointments. Sometimes, sincere and focused efforts end up in failures due to extraneous and uncontrollable factors. Similarly, sometimes prayers go unanswered and lead to frustrations. Efforts are necessary to make the world function. If everyone was to leave things to destiny, there would be no bread on the table and no clothes to wear.

Perhaps the right approach would be continue making plans and taking efforts tirelessly while being prepared for unexpected results. This is what Lord Krishna preached in Bhagvad Gita when he said "Do you Duty without getting attached to the results".

What do you think?

Flexibility - To be or not to be

2010-04-22T21:26:00.006+05:30

Sometimes in life we face a difficult situation. Imagine, we have given an opinion about something or have taken a decision. Then, we are confronted by an alternate view or course of action. On top of it, the alternative looks logical or is backed by someone influential. Some of us will readily consider the option and change our stance. Many of us, worry about the consequences of changing our position. We feel that we will end up looking hasty or not intelligent enough if we change our minds.

Flexibility is something that most of us advocate or recommend but when it comes to ourselves, we prefer to be otherwise. What we call as firm mind is seen as and branded as 'stubborn' by others. Inflexible people are seen as closed minded people who have a difficulty in accepting fresh thoughts or ideas. To avoid this, some people (esp. politicians) cleverly refuse to reveal their thoughts till everyone's thoughts are known.

When we are flexible and accomodative, people find it comfortable to deal with us. We have better relationship with our family and friends. Our circle of influence increases and we tend to attract more open communication. We tend to listen with empathy and do not get into 'positions' from where we cannot extract ourselves. Flexible people are solution oriented and want to move forward rather than getting stuck with issues.

There are some situations where flexibility ceases to be a virtue. When we have made a commitment or a promise, we cannot show flexibility in the performance. When it come to a question of values, one should never show flexibility even if it results in us losing out in the short term.

A lot of pressure and stress is generated when values are upheld. Lot of people avoid this and try to take the easy way out. Rather than fight for the truth and pay the price for it, people tend to compromise and dilute standards. Such an approach might look easy and positive in the short term but will have significant impact on the longer term. The sub-prime crisis that hit the world economy in 2008 is a clear and recent example of this.

Flexibility is a virtue except on questions of values.

Laugh a lot

2010-04-16T21:59:00.008+05:30

As children, we used to laugh a lot. Every small thing seemed funny and tickled our funny bones. Whether it was the way someone dressed or the way someone spoke, we would find everything funny. And yet our laughter was very innocent and not the least malicious. In fact, our laughter was also infectious as it made others also smile and laugh along with us. In this manner, we ourselves were happy and created a happy world around us.

As we grew older and 'wiser', we started taking things more seriously. We started becoming more analytical and skeptical. Some of us even became cynical. We started smiling less and scowling more. Things that once made us laugh now seemed silly and childish. Some of us even show our 'maturity' by controlling our laughter. We feel that people may take advantage of us if we laugh too much or too often.

Laughing is healthy. The amount of stress that we adults accumulate in our day to day lives needs to be released. Laughter is probably the best and the cheapest way to do it and have fun at the same time. No wonder then that laughter clubs are mushrooming all over. All the pent up frustration and suppressed laughter are released in these clubs without any inhibitions. People feel relaxed after a good round of laughter.
However, it is not necessary to join a club to laugh. It only needs a tweak in our attitude and approach. We can literally laugh our way to good health. When we laugh our body generates and releases a lot of positive and good enzymes which not only makes us feel good but also healthy.

On a different level also, laughter makes sense. If we reflect on this world and all its ups and downs, one can really feel like laughing. Realise that everything around us is temporary and neither good nor bad situations will last forever. Therefore, when life does seem stressful, use this understanding to laugh your troubles away. People who have reached the pinnacle of knowledge will tend to laugh at every situation.

"Laughter is a tranquilliser with no side effects" - Arnold Glasow

"Laughter is the shortest distance between two people" – Victor Borge

"Between the laughing and the weeping philosopher there is no opposition: the same facts that make one laugh makes one weep" - George Santayana

"A young man who has not wept is a savage and the old man who will not laugh is a fool" – Confucious

Signs of true knowledge

2010-03-28T21:59:00.006+05:30

What construes true knowledge? Whom can we call as truly wise?

Is this represented by a string of degrees from reputed colleges and institutions? Or does it reflect on people having depth of specialisation on specific subjects without necessarily having a formal qualification? Better still, do we find it in people who have reached the pinnacle of their respective careers?

Then, there are people who are often recognised for their talents and feted for the same. We also have many guys who have up-to-date information on their finger tips and are consulted widely. There are also some deep thinkers and philosophers who could be considered for this.

The moot question to address is - what is knowledge? Awareness of information or statistics cannot be called as true knowledge however important or vital they may be. True knowledge is beyond all this. It is not based on the respect some people command due to their skills, talents or position. True knowledge is indeed reflected only by the way people behave. After all, knowledge has to get translated into ones character.

A person who is truly knowledgeable will realise that we are all made up of the same elements and a soul and are essentially the same. Differences which are perceived are only a result of our minds working with a delusion. Such a person realises the transient nature of life and is not fiercely competing for personal growth.

Such a person will act and behave very differently. She will have only unconditional love for everyone around. She will be compassionate, kind and helpful. She will be extraordinarily generous and extremely humble. She will be equipoised and calm. She will smile often and have enormous and complete faith in the Lord Almighty.

A truly wise person lives an uncompromising life of values.

Praise me not

2010-03-11T14:38:00.006+05:30

In the Srimad Bhagvatam, there is a story of a King called Prithu who ruled the world . He was considered as an avatar or part incarnation of the Lord Himself. The earth was barren then and it was this king who forced the earth to yield food grains, fruits etc. The earth is called Prithvi (in Sanskrit) because of this king. When his subjects, in their joy, came to sing his praises this is what he had to say "Praise me not".

"Praises, while they sound pleasing to the ears, are actually slow / sweet poison. People generally tend to go overboard when praising someone and it soon takes the flavour of flattery. The person being praised gets carried away and starts believing what others say about him. This leads him into a kind of fools paradise where he starts living in an imaginary world."

"Rather than praise, tell me what are my shortcomings. Help me to identify defects which I may tend to overlook or ignore. If you really care for me, tell me how I can be a better human being, a better leader and a better person. Do not lull me into a sense of complacency by speaking positive words. I know fully well that I am imperfect and help me to progress towards perfection."

What a wonderful lesson for each one of us!!

Most of us seek the exact opposite. We crave for positive strokes. We hate critics and criticism. Perhaps we do not have the strength of character, self confidence or mental toughness to face the negative feedback. However, if we cultivate this attitude and welcome criticism and shun praise we could become great indeed.

"Flattery is like chewing gum. Enjoy it but don't swallow it." Hank Ketcham

"If you are not criticized , you may not be doing much" Donald Rumnsfeld

Not mine, not mine

2010-02-26T11:15:00.007+05:30

There was once a jobless poverty stricken man. He lived a difficult life on the charity of others and had little to call his own. He had very few friends. One day a friend offered him a tip to invest in a particular share in the stock market which was quoting at a very low price. So, this guy went around and borrowed some money and invested. Very soon the share price reached dizzy levels and he sold it to make a tidy profit after repaying the loan. Often after that he consulted his friend and made investments in the stock markets and in less than a year, he could call himself rich owning a nice house, car and a good holding of shares.

After that he became a regular in the stock markets. He spent his days watching the movements of share prices and his nights in luxury. There came a time when the value of his share holding reached a very high level and he was delirious with joy. Some time after that, the sub prime crisis erupted and the markets started crashing. He was optimistic and was hoping for the prices to recover. However, it kept going down each day making him desperate and miserable. On some days there would be a slight improvement and he would smile but then the prices would fall and he would frown.

In many ways, his happiness or sorrow seemed to be directly linked to the share prices. He had forgotten that he was once a pauper with nothing of his own. Now he felt that he was losing something.

In many ways we are like this man. A lot of us have days when we feel miserable. It could be triggered by a variety of causes like loss of something or someone precious, break up of a relationship, failure in something that we attempted to do, being unfairly treated by someone etc. When such a time comes, we react in a varied ways. Some of us go into a shell and refuse to communicate, some sob their hearts out, some find solace in sharing their misery with some trusted person, some drown their sorrows by resorting to artificial supplements like wine etc.

When we came into this world we came all alone with no possession and even when we leave this world it will be likewise. We will not be taking our wealth, our relations, our ambitions etc. with us. Everything emerges and dissolves in this earth. Our true happiness does not and should not depend on external matter / events. Ignorance is the root cause of all misery. If we think about it in a dispassionate manner nothing should really make us sad.

The mourning / celebration etc. are all a result of our minds. When we think something nice has happened or is going to happen, we feel happy and vice versa. So, our 'thinking' is really responsible for our state of mind. In other words, we can program our minds to think that everything is fine as it is. We need not worry, fret or fume about things. We can position ourselves as mere witness to the drama unfolding. We can choose to remain uninvolved and blissful.

We should think that we own nothing and that nothing belongs to us. We should keep repeating in our minds the mantra "Not mine, not mine" in order to slowly and steadily disassociate ourselves with everything. This will insulate us from sorrow without preventing us from enjoying what is available. We should treat life like how we go to an entertainment park. We should be aware that we are here for a short time and should learn to live life blissfully without clinging to it.

Control yourself !!

2010-02-09T17:37:00.001+05:30

We are surrounded by temptations all the time. Our minds get attracted to things that we see, smell, hear etc. Each one of us has our weaknesses and we inevitably succumb to it. Our senses seem to control us and our minds rather than us being in control. We thus lead lives as slaves to our senses. All our actions and thoughts seem to revolve around these temptations and we end up doing many silly and regrettable things to live and re-live the experience.

We sometimes do detestable things when our mind is weak and not fully in control. We become provoked or angry and say harsh words or become violent. Relationships that are built and nurtured over a long time are broken in a fit of momentary madness. We lie and cheat to get sense gratification. We break the trust of those around us. We waste our lives chasing things that would never satisfy us completely or add value to our lives. It is almost like trying to extinguish a fire by pouring fuel.

Most of us do not have a will power so strong that we can give up our secret desires. If we think about it, these desires have arisen in us only due to our encouragement and our experiences. Over time and life times, these become hard coded tendencies and habits which are difficult to break. Even if realise the issue intellectually, we may not take the steps necessary to overcome it. Some of us could be in a denial mode and never acknowledge the problem.

Lord Krishna, in His parting advice to beloved devotee and friend Uddhava, said "Control your speech, mind, organs and the impure intellect with the purified intellect. Then you will no more return to the world". He further said that for the person who has not controlled his mind, speech and intellect, the good work done in the form of vows, charity and austerities leak out as water flows out from an unbaked jar.

Unless we have a control over ourselves, our emotions, our thoughts, our desires and our passions how can we succeed in our ventures? We can achieve this control only by firm resolve and strong discipline. If we can visualise the benefits and imagine our new improved personality without the baggage of temptations, we would find it easier to strengthen our mind. We could also seek external help and facilitation from someone we trust to help us in the process. Hypnosis, meditation and yoga can also work wonders.

Control yourself and enjoy success.

"A learned man's knowledge will be of no avail if he does not have control over his tongue" - Kabir

"Non-control of senses is the path of ruin. Control of the senses is the path of prosperity. A man of self-control can move freely." - Chanakya

"Without controlling ourselves, we can never hope to control others" - Vishwanath Seshadri

Did you pray today?

2010-02-03T13:42:00.013+05:30

What is a prayer? When people say they pray what exactly do they do?

I haven't done a research on this and what I write here is more an introspection and a reflection than anything else. As I understand, most people try to connect with their preferred Deity when they pray. They use this as an occasion to thank the Almighty for blessings received, seek support for resolution of problems and ask for specific desires to be fulfilled.

When we pray, we remember our Lord and acknowledge His supremacy. Some people pray by chanting His names or singing songs in praise of Him. Over time various elaborate processes have been created for conduct during prayer. The simplest prayer is one wherein the eyes are closed, the hands are held together and the mind is focused on the Lord. Of course, there are people who pray with their eyes wide open and lips sealed. One can pray at any location or occasion. Any format is acceptable to Him.

Lord Krishna, in the Bhagvad Gita, says that four types of people pray - the distressed, the seeker of boons, the seeker of knowledge and the wise. While all of these people are on the right path and are dear to Him, it is the wise person who prays without any desires who is the dearest to the Lord.

So, what should one pray for? Asking for material things is pointless because it is short lived. Also, the human mind is such that it never gets satisfied. So, one tends to keep asking for more and more. Moreover, like children, we sometimes ask / crave for things which are not good for us. Our minds are not so evolved as to ask for the rights things and the things that are in our interest.

If one believes that there is an Almighty who is our creator, who is fair & just, who knows everything and who cares & loves all his children, do we need to ask for anything? Does He not know what is good for us and give it to us without our asking? Does He not care for our spiritual and emotional growth and plans our lives accordingly?

Yet, there is something that is beyond even His control. This is our mind and our actions. If at all we should seek anything, it should be a pure mind which is grateful for His grace & mercies. We should also seek His grace to ensure that we never stray from the path of the righteous and always do actions which are right. For without His grace, we can get bewildered and confused and do things which we may regret or repent later.

Most of us pray. Some do this as a matter of routine every day while some pray occasionally. If we truly believe in Him, we should be praying every moment of our lives. Irrespective of what happens to us, we should remember Him. We should especially pray when we good things happens to us for that is the time when we naturally tend to get carried away and forget Him. When we tune our minds in this manner, we can say our mind is one with Him.

Our bodies will die one day but when our hearts are filled with His thoughts and prayers, we merge with the Supreme Lord. So, pray every day and every moment.

"A prayer is not a 'spare wheel' that you pull out when you are in trouble; It is a 'steering wheel' that directs you in the right path throughout your life" - Anonymous

Purpose of education

2010-01-22T14:03:00.005+05:30

Most of us, as children, went to school as a matter of routine. We did not think then of alternative methods of learning or even about the purpose of learning. We learnt subjects which were in the curriculum whether or not they would have any future relevance in our lives. After schooling, we chose streams of learning based on our aptitude, constraints etc. Those courses which resulted in great career opportunities and high paying jobs turns out to be the most popular. Come to think of it, education today is more for earning rather than for learning.

I would like to submit that education should help us to learn how to live and not just about how to make a living. Unfortunately, this aspect is grossly neglected in most career oriented courses today. This results in people competing fiercely for high paying positions. We also see unscrupulous methods widely employed by people both in careers as well as professions. People who call themselves as professionals do not seem to think that they need to show integrity in their approach.

For example, we see a nexus between pharma companies, doctors and medical centers whereby doctors prescribe unnecessary tests or medication for their patients who trust them. Perhaps these doctors have spent a lot of money and time to get their degrees and are in a hurry to recover it. Likewise, we see nexus between policemen, politicians, underworld, legal practitioners, media, judiciary etc. If we look around, we find a dearth of basic honesty and are unable to decide whom to trust.

The purpose of education should be to help us understand who we are, what our real goal is and what we need to do to reach there. Career is not the main purpose of our lives. It is only something that we do while we are in this earth to contribute to the sustenance of the society. There is an urgent need for academics to discuss and revamp our education system.

A good education system should lay adequate emphasis on inculcating values into our lives. Integrity should become the foundation on which we build our lives and careers. If the basic platform of integrity is missing, our careers, society and everything will become shaky and will crumble at the slightest of shocks or tremors. A good education system should help in building character and making us spiritual.

Do you agree?

Everlasting happiness!!

2009-12-31T11:57:00.003+05:30

It is that time of the year when one gets flooded with mails and messages conveying best wishes for a happy new year. I wish my readers very happy times ahead. But rather than merely wishing you, dear reader, I would like to also share with you some thoughts on how to be happy. And what we should do to be happy always.

Happiness is not something that is based on a certain event happening. It is not based on being with loved ones, having our intense desires fulfilled, on earning huge amount of wealth or spending it, on travelling to exotic places etc. Indeed, we do get pleasure when these things happen but this pleasure is short lived and very temporary in nature. In a short while, we seek some other pleasures as the existing pleasure ceases to satisfy. It is very much like children who get excited and happy on seeing a toy but soon lose interest in it and develop a desire for some other toy.

Happiness is essentially a state of mind wherein we feel complete and satisfied with what we have. What we do not have does not bother us. What others have or do not have does not gladden or sadden us. Wherever we are placed in life, whatever be our circumstances, we are in a state of permanent bliss. If we achieve that state of mind, we become happiness personified and radiate bliss all around us.

So on this happy occasion (all occasions can be happy occasions if we choose it to be so), I wish you happiness always. Whether the sun is shining or rain is pouring, whether it is hot or cold, whether you are young or old, whether are you richer or poorer, whether you have company or are alone, be happy.

Be happy always.

Heaven on earth

2009-12-22T16:24:00.007+05:30

If someone was to ask you to describe earth in one word, what would that be?

Some say that the earth is akin to heaven with beautiful natural spots, many man made wonders, luxuries to spoil us, comforts and conveniences, fantastic gourmet food, lovely people, so many sports and games to amuse us, music and fine arts to entertain us etc. Truly, we can enjoy life to its fullest whilst still in this earth. It is difficult to imagine how much more heavenly can it get. One can spend a lifetime of bliss right here (if only we can afford it).

On the other hand, people who have experienced the murkier side of life would say that the earth is a veritable hell with mindless violence aimed at maiming and hurting people, cheating aimed at depriving others of what is rightfully theirs, lying and deceit to fulfil selfish desires, filth and pollution created by modern day urban living, wanton destruction of natural wealth etc. People whom we believe to be decent or honest sometimes surprise us by behaving otherwise. Don’t we see this all around us? We do not need to go anywhere else to suffer for our sins. We create hell in earth with our sins.

So, in this very earth, we can discover our heaven or find our hells. It all depends on what we choose to do. There are some like Mother Teresa who create heaven wherever they go. They spread joy. They take very little but give a lot. They are selfless. They have no desire but to see happiness and smiles filling up everyone’s lives. They touch everyone positively and leave pleasant memories for people to bask in. Such people are rare indeed. The vast majority of people are living in their own small worlds, tied up in their own little desires & problems and eking out a miserable existence.

What stops us from reaching those heights? What prevents us from transforming ourselves from the ordinary to the extra-ordinary? What does it take for us to convert the entire earth into a heaven of peace, harmony and joy? All it takes is to become less self-centered and care more for others around us. Let’s lead lives that are less complicated and demanding. Let us embrace simple living. Let us care for our fellow beings and revel in seeing happiness in others.

Then, my friends we can say that there is heaven in earth.

Eco-friendly living

2009-12-08T13:44:00.006+05:30

The hot topic which causes concerns across the world today is not terrorism but global warming. Terrorism is a pain but the impact of global warming will be devastating. Glaciers will melt, sea levels will rise, weather will become more unpredictable, alternating flood and drought conditions will make life miserable, food shortages will be rampant etc. Life in this lovely planet will no longer be the same unless we take immediate steps.

The sense of urgency is felt across nations as people are seeing the direct impact of global warming. Various nations are discussing the steps to be taken and there is negotiation on who is responsible and who will sacrifice how much.

A few days ago I met a man named Venkatachalam who lives near my home. He shocked me by saying that he does not use any appliances at home. He has no refrigerator, washing machine, microwave oven, mixer / grinder, air conditioner etc. Since he is quite well off, I wanted to know the reason for this frugal lifestyle. He said that he is doing his bit to reduce global warming. I was truly impressed.

Global warming has been caused by each one of us by living lives which are not eco-friendly. If we take stock of what all we do during our typical days, we will realise that there are many things we do which have an adverse impact on the environment. Whether it is using of harmful chemicals in our soap or toothpaste, whether it is in the use of mobile phones which emit harmful radiation, whether it is in the wasteful consumption of electricity - there are many different innovative methods available to harm the environment. We mistakenly think science and technology have made the quality of our lives better and more enriched. If we think deeply, we realise that technology has introduced convenience to us which comes at great cost.

The responsibility of reducing global warming is with each one of us. We have to take stock of our lives like my friend Venkatachalam and make necessary changes and sacrifices for the common good. Every effort is useful and one should not wait for others to do the needful. I am reminded of a story from the Ramayana about a squirrel which contributed its mite to the construction of a bridge across the ocean. The mighty monkey army of Lord Rama was carrying large boulders and dumping them on the ocean. The tiny squirrel was wetting its body, rolling in the sand and then running to the bridge and shaking its body thereby dropping the sand on the bridge. Even Lord Rama was touched by its act.

It is time for us to do our bit by changing our lifestyle. Let us make a pledge today that we will give up habits and practices which are not eco-friendly. It could be as simple as not using plastic bags or turning the tap off when brushing your teeth. We will also cultivate habits and do acts that have a positive impact. Not only will we make changes in our lives but also encourage others around to do the same.

If you agree, please write in your comments to this blog as to what specifically you want to do in your life towards the aim of eco-friendly living.

Thoughts on Equality

2009-11-30T13:54:00.006+05:30

Every creature whether it is a human being, bird, animal, insect, fish etc. is made up of two essential elements. One is the body and the other is the soul / life within the body. The body of each being is clearly made up of the basic elements like water, earth, fire. The soul is more subtle and one cannot see it or feel it. However, we can presume that the soul is no different in each. Thus if we break down the substances that go to form each being, we can see that it is the same.

Thus, although the outward appearance is different each is the essentially the same. Yet, we believe that we are different, superior, inferior etc. We believe that we deserve to get higher share in things because we are human. We believe that the world is made only for our existence and enjoyment. Many of us care two hoots about the rights of other creatures or beings.

Within humans also we create artificial barriers and obstacles for others based on colour, religion, caste, creed, region etc. Due to our selfish motives, we expect the best for us and want the others to be satisfied with our left overs. Our ego always prompts us to fulfil needs of ourselves even if it is at the cost of depriving someone else.

Although everyone is equal and has equal rights, we are all different in terms of our capabilities and talents. It is not easily possible for anyone to become extraordinary in any field without certain inborn talents. Dedication, sincerity, perseverance and hard work can take us forward but without the inner spark, we may never move from good to great.

Similarly, there are certain roles that we are biologically programmed to do that can't be delegated or modified. For example, only women can bear children and that too, safely only during a certain period of their lives. Likewise, women are psychologically better equipped in the role of educating and grooming children to become responsible adults.

We see two extremes prevalent in the world. One is gross inequity in the treatment of humans and other creatures by people who are better endowed. The other extreme is the abuse the concepts of equality. If, in the name of equality, everyone wanted to be doing cushy jobs and have cushy lives, how will the world survive? For instance, the taxi driver cannot fly the aeroplane, the engineer cannot do a surgery and the cat cannot perform the role of a watchdog. Each one has to perform the role that one is best suited for.

While we work towards re-establishing a comprehensive equality mindset in this world, we should also work towards becoming mature, balanced and realistic in choosing and performing our respective roles.

"Having choices in life is a privilege. Making the right choices in life is a responsibility" - Anonymous

Greed is Evil

2009-11-24T15:08:00.013+05:30

It has been almost a year since the terror attacks in Mumbai. It was a mindless display of hatred and violence against helpless and innocent civilians. The terrorist who was captured says he was instructed to create fear by killing as many people as he could while he was still alive and had ammunition. Many lives were lost and many more people were injured in the two days of carnage.

A question that comes up is how do we prevent such attacks in future and how do we create conditions for a peaceful life. Lot of talk and discussions have revolved around increasing the level of intelligence networking, patrolling, security forces and arming ourselves with superior weapons. Retaliatory attacks were also considered as a possible option.

While all of these may be good deterrents, they are by themselves not enough. Haven't we seen endless bouts of violence in some countries and regions? We know through history that permanent peace cannot be brought by violence or by suppression. An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world become blind, said Gandhiji. The solution to permanent peace lies elsewhere.

The root cause of most problems is greed. As long as greed exists, men will continue to seek more, acquire more and amass more. In modern world today, greed is considered as an acceptable behaviour. People think progress is linked to greed. It is not just the political leaders or the criminals who have greed. All of us can be accused of indulging in greed. The only difference, perhaps, could be in the methods used to satisfy our greed. Even nations sometimes display behaviour that originates in greed.

When the society thus allows greed to occupy a space, it starts manifesting itself in various ways. Come to think of it, we are all jostling each other to get a larger slice of the world's resources. Some do it subtly or by using their intelligence or talents. Some, who do not have these skills use other methods. Some use power and indulge in violence. The terrorists, in many ways, represent the cruder or crueler form of greed satisfaction. The objective of their greed is power and all that it can achieve.

The important question to ask ourselves would be whether greed should have a space in our society. If we say yes, we will continue to live in a dangerous world. And if the answer to this is negative, we should ponder on how to eradicate greed. How do we create conditions wherein greed is abolished from our hearts? How do we learn of be satisfied with what we have and not crave for what we have not? How do we make values-based-living (VBL) as the most popular and sought after lifestyle?

Any thoughts?

Hit the pause button !

2009-11-15T14:17:00.005+05:30

Have you noticed people who are outspoken? They tend to speak the first thing that comes to their mind. In a way, it is a good thing whereby people around them know exactly what they think. In many ways, it is a weakness because blurting out thoughts without thinking about its effect is really foolish. I am one such guy.

It is not just in moments of anger or emotion that I do this. Even in normal situations, I feel kind of compelled to spell out my thoughts. Maybe it is a need to be honest and truthful that drives me to this. Maybe it is a desire to get straight to the point without beating around the bush. In any case, I have suffered and caused much suffering to happen with this trait of mine.

Intuitively I know that it makes sense to push the "pause" button before I speak. When the pause button is pushed, it gives us time to think over what we are going to speak. We can re-frame our words to make it sound more agreeable and acceptable. It can help us to not speak if we realise that our words are going to hurt.

People will not mistake us if we speak or react slowly. Even if they do, it is OK. Better to be thought of a slow or a dull person than a rude or a brash person. When we pause and speak words that sound smart, soft and sweet, people will forgive us for speaking late or slow. We may even appear to be intelligent and thoughtful.

Do you agree?

Celebrate in Style !!

2009-11-05T10:48:00.005+05:30

Today is the birthday of a dear friend. This post is dedicated to him.

When I asked him yesterday as to how he is going to celebrate his birthday, he said "My company gives a very expensive cake to all its employees on their birthday. I have told them to send the cake to an orphanage where a girl who shares my birthday lives. I am also planning to give her a few gifts. In addition, I am planning to buy a good self improvement book to read."

I was delighted to hear this. How many of us think of others on our birthday? How many of us think that celebrations can be made more meaningful if shared with others? Here is a living example of a selfless person who takes every opportunity to spread joy around and takes pleasure in that. I am glad I have a friend like that who is so inspiring.

I saw an advertisement recently in which a person reports late to work on his birthday. His boss asks him sarcastically as to what kind of celebrations he was up to. This guy says he had gone to donate blood which he does each year on this date. This is also another beautiful example.

If we tune our minds to it, each day can be an occasion for a celebration. Each day can be spent on helping someone and on making someone smile. Whether it is a birthday, an anniversary, a promotion or some other milestone, let us celebrate it by including people who need it the most.

Innocence of a child

2009-10-26T12:02:00.007+05:30

All of us love children. It does not matter whether it is our child or not. At the mere sight of a child, strangers start smiling at each other and the ice is broken. There is something very attractive in children. It could be their playful nature. It could be the joy that seems to fill them. It could be their low level of ego and self consciousness. It could be their ability to quickly forget pain and smile despite it. It could be their vulnerability. It could our own amazement and wonder at seeing God's blessing in the form of a child.

It is not the physical appearance of the child that attracts us. It is not her talent or intelligence. It is not the wealth in her family. Even a child without any of these is cute and beautiful. What strikes me as really wonderful in children is their innocence and their ability to trust everyone around implicitly. A child's mind is not crooked or scheming. It is simple, straight, open and transparent. She is honest about what she wants and what she likes or dislikes. She does not hide things. She speaks what she thinks. And most of all she believes what we tell her.

When we see a child we want to love her. We want to play with her and laugh in a carefree manner like her. We want to provide her with things that make her happy. We want to protect her from harm. The whole world loves a child for its nature, character and behaviour.

Why can't we be more like children?

The 'needs' test

2009-10-18T20:32:00.001+05:30

The whole universe and everything that exists is God's creation. He has made sure that every creature he has created is well provided for. Every insect, bird, animal, fish etc. has a space to live and food to survive. It is truly a magnificent creation wherein each of the millions of species is programmed to survive and flourish.

If we see most creatures, they only consume what they need. Even if they store or accumulate, like bees or ants do, it is only for the sake of their consumption during the lean season when food supply is limited. They never seek or crave for anything beyond what is necessary for survival.

If we look at human, we have a difference of approach. After the basic needs of man is taken care, the needs of the ego arise. So, we seek larger homes in better locations and multiple homes too. We buy clothing that we may not wear too often and remains in the confines of our wardrobes. There is virtually no end to the "needs" of our ego. Is it need or greed?

It is our greed that results in unnecessary destruction to our habitat and our world. In the name of progression man has ignored other creatures and progressively encroached on their lives. It is time we reverse this trend.

One simple way would be to take the 'needs' test every time we feel compelled to buy something. Do I really need it? Can I manage without it? Can I make do with what I already have? These are the kind of questions to ask ourselves. If we can make this one change, we can make a significant positive impact. And the 'needs' test can be applied in many other areas too. Let's simplify our lives this way.

Even if we can "afford" something, we should not procure it unless we really need it. If indeed we have surplus resources at our disposal, we can use it to fulfil the genuine needs of people who do not have the means to satisfy it. Here too, the 'needs' test would be relevant. Charity done without doing the needs test may turn out to be a wasted effort.

If we thus make sincere efforts to use the available resources in this world to satisfy the needs of its creatures, we will end up making this a much brighter and happier world.

Lets spread joy around us. It will surely end up making our lives more joyful..

The way to true happiness

2009-10-12T12:56:00.008+05:30

It was a few days before the Diwali festival many years ago. The mood was festive and we children were eager with anticipation of eating the sweets and other savouries that would be made at home, bursting the crackers, wearing new clothes etc. The mid-term exams were over and the vacation had started.

Although we were not very well off and belonged to a simple middle class family, our parents ensured that we celebrated such festivals within our modest means. Those days, we used to buy clothes only twice a year during such occasion or on birthday. On the day when we were about to go shopping for new clothes my elder brother (aged about 10)announced that he did not want new clothes.

We were surprised by his decision and were wondering what was wrong with him. Did he feel offended by something and is expressing his dissent in this manner? Or did he wish to get something else instead of clothes? When he was asked the reason, he just kept quiet and did not give any special reason. Our mother would not take no for an answer and probed him further.

After a lot of questioning, he finally gave his answer. He said one of his friends, who stayed in the same building as ours, came from a poor family and he normally does not get new clothes during Diwali. So, my brother felt it would not be appropriate for him to strut about in new clothes while his friend continued to wear his old clothes. It was an unbelievable act of self-denial and selfless behaviour from someone as young as my brother.

At that time, I just couldn't relate to this spirit of sacrifice that my brother displayed. However, I learnt a very big lesson from him that has stayed in my heart ever since. In our joy and our success, we should not forget others. Share with and care for others. Keep the feelings of others in mind. True happiness is when we bring a smile in the face of others..

Greetings of the season to all my readers... May the festival of lights bring joy and peace to your family and you..

No pain no gain

2009-10-07T17:11:00.007+05:30

All of us are programmed to avoid pain. We know it hurts. Having experienced pain once, we do everything possible to keep it away. We react spontaneously and instantaneously at the first hint of pain - physical or mental pain. But pain is not always so bad. Though it hurts, it also has its uses.

People who work out and are into sports enjoy pain. They feel satisfied with their training and hard work only when they feel the pain. It indicates to them that there is an impact and a resistance being formed in the body which makes them stronger and fitter. Pain helps them identify which muscle parts to work on and which to give rest.

Pain at the mental level also has its positive benefits. It makes us mentally prepared and strong to handle similar situations in the future. It helps the mind to reflect on things. It is only when we experience mental anguish that we realise that there is more to life than mere enjoyment and pleasure. We ponder on our purpose and become more realistic when we experience pain.

A life without pain is boring and pointless. With such a life we become complacent and start taking things for granted. It might even make some of us arrogant and rude. Most importantly, without pain we might even forget God and spend our time in useless pursuits which do nothing to help us evolve into better beings.

So, welcome pain. Treat it as a necessary evil which has come to do some course correction for you. Look at it positively and enjoy the experience that pain delivers. When your mind is thus tuned to accept pain, it loses its sting. Who knows, you may even look forward to the experience...

Choose heroes carefully

2009-10-02T16:02:00.007+05:30

"A man known by the company he keeps" goes an old saying. People ascribe our character with the character of our friends. If our friends love social work, we are bracketed as social workers. If we keep the company of people who love to fight, people presume us to be short tempered and always ready for a fight. It is also true that we get influenced by the behaviour and thinking of our friends.

Similarly, the people whom we adore and consider as heroes also reflect our sense of values and aspirations. Think about this for a little while and then think of your heroes. Are they the kind of people who lived ideal lives and a life based on ideals? Are they known for their high moral standards?

It is important that we choose our heroes carefully. Their lives must impress us with its high standards. Do not choose people who achieve success unless it was based on value pillars like honesty and integrity. Do not choose people who became famous for their talent and skills but were lacking in principles. Make sure that your heroes were people whose lives lead you in the right direction.

Do consider people like Swami Vivekananda who exhorted us to live courageously, Abraham Lincoln for his greatness as well as humility, Nelson Mandela for patience and perseverance, Mother Teresa who lived a selfless life full of love for the down trodden masses or Mahatma Gandhi who taught the world about non-violence and secular life. Choose such people whose lives made a positive impact on the world around them.

I would love to hear about who your heroes are and why?

Food for thought

2009-09-30T13:04:00.005+05:30

In the Bhagavad-Gita, Lord Krishna has spoken about three difference types of characteristics viz. Sattvik, Rajasik and Tamasik. People with Sattvik character are pure in thoughts, charitable, kind, non-violent etc. Their minds are tuned towards good things and towards God. People with Rajasik character have high levels of competitiveness, energy, anger and ambition. Tamasik people are lazy, indolent, confused, lethargic and given to base tendencies. Most of us have a combination of various characteristics and the mix differs from person to person.

Lord Krishna also describes the kinds of food preferred by each type of person. The sattvik person prefers fresh fruits / vegetables / nuts, food cooked without much seasoning and food offered first to the Lord. The rajasik person likes hot, pungent and spicy food which tickles her taste buds and ignites the passion in her. The tamasik person like food which are stale, kept overnight, already tasted by others or intoxicating. So, food also can be categorised as Sattvik, Rajasik or Tamasik based on who prefers it.

Our character gets influenced over time based on what we eat. So, if we are the adventurous and sporty type, we can consume Rajasik food to lift our spirits and make us energetic and competitive. If we want to turn spiritual, we should cultivate a habit of eating only / mainly sattvik food. If we consume any food which seems tasty without understanding the nature of it, we may be unknowingly creating a barrier for ourselves. So, if a sportsperson is tending to eat food that is either stale or not fresh, she is likely to feel lethargic and not competitive.

As people focussed on living a life of values, it would be right to redefine what we eat. Focus on sattvik food. It will slowly but steadily improve your character. You will find yourself less excitable and more balanced. You will find good positive thoughts arising more often than before. Sattvik food will facilitate you in your journey towards values based living.

Sleep well!!

2009-09-28T14:02:00.005+05:30

Our body has an inbuilt clock. It reminds us to eat and to drink from time to time to nourish ourselves. It also tells us when to sleep and faithfully wakes us in the morning at a fixed time each day. Interestingly the sleep trigger seems to be linked to the amount of light that is present.

It is well known how important sleep is for the overall well-being of a person. Sleep too little and you feel groggy and confused. Sleep too much and you feel lethargic and lazy. Sleep is necessary for the body to rest, rejuvenate and re-energise itself. It is when we are in the deepest sleep that we get the most refreshed. Meditation, if practiced regularly and properly, can refresh our minds sufficiently and help us cut down on sleep.

In modern world, it is fashionable to play with sleep. Some of us sleep too late for we have so many things to to - like completing tasks or watching television (the best programs are late in the night) or attending parties or entertaining ourselves in different other ways. Some of us sleep too little because we want to get as much as possible from our daily 24 hours. This can often be counter productive.

Excessive sleep and lack of sleep are both dangerous. They have an impact on our attitudes and our behaviour. We may become indifferent, casual, lazy, rude or irritable if we do not sleep well. Each body is tuned to get a certain amount of sleep (typically 6-9 hours). We must make sure that this is not sacrificed or compromised for it can affect our health and capability to think coherently & lead a life of values.

Limit your teasing

2009-09-26T21:30:00.008+05:30

As a child I used to be teased often for various things and it used to make me very angry. My elder brothers used to get encouraged by my irritation and used to tease me more. Looking back, I realise that most of them were silly stuff and I could very well have smiled and laughed along with my tormentors if only my ego had permitted me.

Teasing is something that is indulged in by everyone occasionally. For some people it is an addiction that gives them a high and a feeling of superiority. Most do it for fun but some do it maliciously to hurt others. As long as we are within limits and do it sensitively, it adds to the spice of life. When we use it continuously and relentlessly without caring about the victim's feelings, it is almost like a sin. If we do not limit our teasing, it can have disastrous effects on our relationships.

It is OK to make fun of ourselves. People love people who have the ability to laugh at themselves. Many a public speaker and leader have made a career of cracking jokes about themselves. I would say even this has to be limited. Beyond a point, people will start believing us to be the fools that we portray ourselves as or may consider this as a licence to ridicule us.

Teasing about physical or other defects should be strictly avoided. Even making fun of others in their absence is not correct. It shows a lack of courage. Ideally teasing should be between 'equals' in any relationship. Do not ever indulge in teasing if the other person is sad or upset. As a rule, look for ways and means of having 'inclusive' fun rather than 'exclusive' fun.

Watch your breath

2009-09-25T16:26:00.004+05:30

Have you noticed how we tend to breath differently when we are in different moods? When we are relaxed we may be taking deep breaths and when excited or angry it may be quick breaths. When we are shocked we may even stop breathing for a short while. It is indeed true that our mind and our breathing pattern are closely interlinked.

The good news is that we can control our moods if we control our breath. If we find ourselves getting irritated or angry, we only need to regulate our breath for a period of time to make the anger reduce in intensity or even disappear altogether. Likewise, when we are feeling tired and lethargic, we can re-charge ourselves by taking shorter intense breaths.

Yoga practitioners say we can even energise ourselves by breathing in through our right nostril and relax ourselves by breathing in through the left nostril. In fact, there are several breathing techniques taught in yoga which can be used to bring about positive impact not only to our moods but as a cure to several ailments also. There are several meditation techniques which are based simply on watching and controlling our breaths.

Most people are never conscious of their breathing patterns. It is something that happens involuntarily and continuously. If we are aware of the tremendous bearing that our breathing has on our moods and our actions, we will work towards regulating it better. It would be interesting to note that in the animal world, life span is linked to the type of breathing - shorter breaths shorter life and vice versa.

When we watch and control our breathing - initially consciously and through practice - we dramatically improve our lives. We become healthier in body and spirit. Our attitudes, opinions and actions become more balanced. It becomes easier to live a life of values if we simply watch our breaths.

"For breath is life, and if you breathe well you will live long on earth." - Sanskrit Proverb

"A healthy mind has an easy breath." - Author Unknown

"Inhale and God approaches you. Hold the inhalation and God remains with you. Exhale and you approach God. Hold the exhalation and surrender to God." - Krishnamacharya

Half full or half empty?

2009-09-21T19:17:00.005+05:30

One of my cousins' came visiting recently. He was born 52 years ago along with a twin sister who was born a few minutes before him. When the doctors were trying to deliver him, they used forceps wrongly resulting in damaging his hearing permanently. He has lived with his deficiency which impacted his education and his career. When he talks about it, he is not bitter - rather he has taken it as the will of God. He is now happily married and the proud father of a beautiful and talented daughter.

Most of us have some special talents which we are born with. We also have some deficiencies. Some apparent as in my cousins case and some not so apparent. Some are born in rich families with no need to worry about their finances or security. Some are born in very poor conditions. The big question is how do we deal with our situations?

Do we adjust ourselves and focus on our strengths or do we let it overwhelm us and worry about the weakness? Do we thank the Almighty for what He has given us or do we crib and complain about what we lack?

If it something that we can cure or correct, we should make every effort possible. However, if the situation is permanent and beyond repair, it will useful to accept it and move on. It will help us sail through life with much peace and joy. It will be absolutely meaningless to carry a feeling of hurt and grievance in our minds. Such thoughts will only serve to make our lives bitter.

So, is your cup of happiness half full or half empty?

Speak pleasing words

2009-09-20T13:45:00.005+05:30

A couple of days ago, I got an SMS from a friend. It said "If you have sweet eyes you will like the world; if you have a sweet tongue, the world will like you". What a powerful and practical thought!! If I had received this message a few years ago and had practiced the simple technique, I would have made many more friends...

Our tongue is something that needs to be managed well. It would be very harmful and dangerous if we allow everything that comes to our mind to be expressed by the tongue. In fact, we should think several times before we say something that could hurt or upset people around us. Even if what we speak is true, it should be said in an acceptable manner.

One good rule to follow is to think of something pleasing or positive to say to everyone we meet or interact with. We should train our minds to think in this manner. We should start every conversation and relationship with a remark or observation that compliments the other person. Not only will we win friends for life but we would also make the other person receptive to our thoughts.

Start this simple practice today. Be on the lookout to praise something in everyone. If we look carefully, we will certainly not be disappointed. Every individual indeed has strengths. If we keenly observe, we will find several strengths which can be pointed out or highlighted. Care to be taken not to overdo this and sound like flattery. The other thing that people like to hear is their own names - use it liberally in your conversations. You will capture peoples attention, minds and hearts through this.

"Kind words do not cost much. They never blister the tongue or lips. They make other people good-natured. They also produce their own image on men's souls, and a beautiful image it is" - Blaise Pascal (1623-1662)

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around" - Leo Buscaglia

"Speak pleasing words about people in their presence as well as absence" - Vishwanath Seshadri

Time is fleeting...

2009-09-17T16:57:00.007+05:30

This morning a friend called me and informed me about his younger brother who died in his sleep last night. Apparently, he passed away after suffering a heart attack. It was shocking because this young man (aged 40) had no apparent health problems and always seemed full of life.

When i mentioned this to my friend he said "There is no certainty about life. It is here today and gone the next moment. What matters most is how we live our life. It is important that we make the most of our time while still alive." My friend's words set me thinking.

This was another powerful reminder from God, I thought. We have several faculties and senses. We need to introspect on how we are using them. What are we seeing, hearing, eating, thinking, doing etc.? Are we making the right use of our faculties? Are we making the best use of our time? Are we doing good to others? Or are we wasting our time doing useless things? Gossiping? Planning on things which have no bearing to what we need to be doing. Activities which can in no way help us progress or evolve?

Make the best use of your time. Every time you catch yourself doing useless things, stop. Remind yourself that time is fleeting. Wake up before it is too late.

Live a life of values

2009-09-15T11:30:00.013+05:30

Wherever we look in our universe, we are bound to see nature at its best. Everywhere we see orderliness and patterns that are followed in a sacrosanct manner. The birds go to roost at fixed times, nocturnal birds snooze in the day, every fruit has a particular flavour and pattern, the oceans remain within their boundaries etc. It is as if God has laid down rules and each creature is following it religiously.

It is only us human beings who have broken all rules and been creating our own rules. We sleep during day and work at nights. We systematically destroy nature to fulfil our selfish ambitions. We become violent without sufficient reason. We use deceit for personal gain. The list is endless. Our acts are not without its consequences. Whenever we transgress the rules, we end up making the world an unsafe place to live in. We end up creating a direct impact on our environment. In the mad pursuit of happiness, we end up becoming and making others unhappy.

We can see crisis after crisis hitting the world at regular intervals. Whether it is a crisis which impacts health like the AIDS crisis or one that impacts economies like the sub-prime crisis, we can directly link each crisis to the drop in moral standards. Even natural disasters like droughts, floods or earthquakes can be managed better if we have high moral values in our lives.

Clearly there is a need to reflect on this and identify the rules that we, as humans, need to follow. "Values" are the rules that will help us restore nature to its glory and help us to enjoy this precious life. Values are the guiding lights that lead us in this world made dark by all kinds of sins. By leading a life of values, we enrich our own lives and also the lives of people around us. We also facilitate creating a culture of valued based living.

The purpose of this blogspot is to list out all the values that are important and to serve as a reminder for us to follow it. In the preceding articles, we have spoken about many values like love, kindness, generosity, charity, selflessness, truth, honesty etc. All of these must become part and parcel of our daily lives. When we thus live a life of values, we will slowly but surely bring about a change. Value based living will erase the ills of the society and will help create a world where peace and joy abounds.

On the question of values, don’t ever compromise...

“Raising the standard of living must also mean raising ethical, moral and spiritual standards." - Sri Satya Sai Baba

“You are in charge of your feelings, beliefs, and actions. And you teach others how to behave toward you. While you cannot change other people, you can influence them through your own behaviors and actions. By being a living role model of what you want to receive from others, you create more of what you want in your life” - Eric Allenbaugh

“Live today as if it were your last.” - Robin Sharma

“You are not here to merely make a living. You are here in order to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world, and you impoverish yourself if you forget the errand.” - Woodrow Wilson

Reserve your judgement

2009-09-14T12:19:00.003+05:30

To err is human. All of us commit mistakes at some time or the other - some through negligence or oversight and some deliberately. None of us are perfect. We have all had vices or some unholy desires. We have all sinned - sometimes knowingly and sometimes unknowingly. Yet, we cannot lose hope. If we so desire, we can become saints from this moment onwards. All it takes is a strong resolve.

If the above is true, do we have a right to judge others? When we ourselves are still striving for perfection and correcting our faults, do we have any moral standing to look at others and form a judgement? Most of the times, we do not know the circumstances that lead a person to behave in any particular manner. We have no knowledge of the intentions behind their actions. Even hypothetically if we know that the intentions were wrong and the actions likewise, can we say that the person will always be like that?

I remember an incident in my childhood. A friend of mine told me to accompany him to the vegetable market and convinced me to pick up a lemon from the basket when the vendor was not looking. I must have been about 7-8 years old then. We went and I picked up a lemon and as we were about to leave, the vendor caught my hand which was still holding the lemon. Without saying a word, he shook my wrist to make the lemon fall back into the cart and then let me go. He taught me an invaluable lesson that day...

It takes a mature mind to recognise a mistake and forgive it. If you brand someone as bad or as a criminal, you tend to ignore the possibilities of correction that can happen in course of time. In our minds, we all want to be good and lovable. Only, some of us take time to get over our tendencies and habits. If we set high expectations, we will get high results. Treat everyone with love and respect for they deserve it. Give them space and time to become the best that they want to be.

Until then, reserve your judgement.

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them” – Mother Teresa

“The multitude judge a man more on his external sheen rather than his inner light” – Pitigrilli

“Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers” - Voltaire

Generosity of spirit

2009-09-13T12:58:00.012+05:30

A few weeks ago I experienced something extraordinary. I was coming out of a temple with a small box full of prasad (food distributed to devotees after offering to the Lord) when I saw a lame beggar. It was past lunch time and I felt he must be hungry. So I offered him a portion of the prasad. He accepted it gratefully and, instead of eating it immediately, I saw him walk over to a couple of small children who were also begging. He then divided the prasad and happily shared it with them.

I was taken aback by his generosity. He clearly was no ordinary person. Even in his poverty and his hunger, he displayed a high level of selfless behaviour. Stephen Covey, in his famous book "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People", has referred to this as having an abundance mentality.

People having this mindset feel that there is enough in this world for everyone. They do not want to rush to satisfy their own needs first. They happily offer things to others and wait for their turn patiently. They are happy to recognise contributions of other people and acknowledge them openly with worrying about themselves. They display a highly evolved and mature mind which puts others before self.

Such people are really rare in this world. Yet, if we want, we can choose to be like that. All it needs is a strong will, conviction and faith. And an eye that sees the same self in all beings...

"The hand of a generous man is like the clouds of heaven which drop upon the earth fruits, herbage and flowers, but the heart of the ungrateful is like a desert of sand, which swalloweth with greediness the showers that fall, and burieth them in its bosom and produceth nothing" – Anon

Give a helping hand

2009-09-12T14:25:00.004+05:30

All of us seek happiness. We experience happiness when our desires are fulfilled and our expectations are met. We experience delight when our expectations are exceeded. A natural tendency of man is to set higher standards or increase the expectations each time. Thus, every happy event also becomes a trigger for future unhappiness.

For many of us, the basic needs of food, basic clothing and basic shelter are taken for granted. With the grace of God, we have sufficient income and wealth, to be chasing higher desires. Yet, there are many around us who struggle for their daily survival. Their circumstances are such that they are not sure of when the next meal will come from or when they will get a change of clothing.

If only we convert our desires from gaining something for ourselves to giving something to others, the joy we will obtain will be tremendous. Normal selfish desires are insatiable. They are like the appetite of the fire which is never satisfied with the offerings to it. Selfless desires not only give us deep satisfaction but also give us joy of serving others.

Helping others need not be necessarily in the form of cash. It can be in kind or by way of service too. It is not a one time event but needs to be practiced as long as we are able. It is not restricted to human but can also be extended easily to other forms of life too. If taking care of others can become our purpose in life, every day will become joyful for us and the ones we impact. Our happiness doubles when we help others become happy.

“Not he who has much is rich, but he who gives much” - Erich Fromm

“True giving happens when we give from our heart” - Mohd. Ali

“You can have everything in life you want if you'll just help enough other people to get what they want!” - Zig Ziglar

Spare the rod !!

2009-09-11T12:57:00.003+05:30

Parenting is tough. It is tough when there is only one child. It becomes exponentially tougher when the number of children increases. Each child is unique and has a different personality which needs to be managed differently. If we try to use the same approach with each child, it is a sure route to disaster and confusion. 'Different strokes for different folks' is a useful philosophy to follow in parenting.

Many of you may have heard a saying "Spare the rod and spoil the child". This essentially suggests that it is OK once in a while to spank your child for mischief done in order to create a sense of fear of punishment and prevent mischief in future. In India, of course, spanking / bashing a child is not uncommon. Parents do it routinely and nobody raises an eyebrow when it happens. It is felt that the children become much more disciplined if subjected to this from time to time.

I have often internally debated on this. Over a period of time, I have come to the conclusion that more than punishment, it is the fear of punishment which works. As long as the child has not experienced the punishment, the fear factor may be present. Once the devil is known to the child, it is no longer scary. The only way to continue on that path is by increasing the quantum and severity. This, however, can lead to huge mental and psychological problems for the child.

There is another way - tried successfully by a few parents. They use motivation and positive messages to get desired output from the child. They shower praises on seeing good behaviour and frown upon bad behaviour without using violence. They use a system of incentives and disincentives to encourage the child. They create strong emotional bonding and get desired results. By doing this, they mould and create a happy and confident child who is ready to face the world. This also results in a healthy and friendly parent child relationship over the years.

Between motivation and fear, I would favour motivation as a more effective and long lasting tool. I would therefore strongly urge parents to "Spare the Rod".

What is your take on this?

Work-Life balance

2009-09-10T11:49:00.002+05:30

Life in cities is usually very hectic. All around us we see frenzied activities. People are ever busy. A person who visits a city from a rural area tends to get disoriented with the buzz and the activity. People are always on the move and no one has any time for anyone. In order to get the most out of life, we pack our days with activities. In our quest to increase our wealth, we work ceaselessly.

In the mornings, we are in a rush to get to work. We usually come home late – it is work, parties or other engagements that ties us down. By the time we come home, we are dead tired and crash into the bed. The next day it is virtually the same routine. Some of us also have travel schedules that keep us busy. If we have some spare time, we feel guilty or worried that someone else is utilising her time better. If we get to reach home early, we watch TV, catch up on reading etc. We even carry work home on the weekends.

In the midst of all this, we tend to forget our loved ones and our families. We hardly spend time with them or exchange pleasantries. It is as if they do not matter to us. While, in fact, they are the most important part of our lives. Their presence is invaluable to us. It is only our loved ones who really care for us and support us in times of need. By giving so little time to them, we risk growing apart and losing them. While we are busy and growing older, we are missing all the joy of bonding and being there.

Make a resolution today. No matter how important or urgent your work life is, you will not sacrifice family time. All official meetings will wait, if there is a family event at the same time. Official engagements will be re-scheduled if your child needs your time or attention. You will celebrate with family once every month - if there is no reason, invent one. After all, what is life for, if not spent in the company of loved ones?

Stairways to Heaven

2009-09-09T13:07:00.006+05:30

Some people have doubts whether God exists. I prefer to presume that my readers do not doubt the existence of a Creator who has created the entire universe and everything in it. It has taken human beings thousands of years to understand limited parts of this creation. This universe - so complex and yet so well ordered - cannot have come into existence without a Creator.

How does He look like? Where does He live? What language does He speak? What religion does He prefer? Many questions come to the innocent mind. By definition, God is omnipotent, omnipresent etc. Therefore to confine Him in any manner would be preposterous. As all creation is His handiwork, all beings and all schools of thought also have its origin from Him. So, whether you consider Hinduism, Islam, Christianity, Buddhism or any of the thousands of religions that abound in the world, these are all but paths that lead to Him. All religions are, in a way, the stairways to heaven.

So, if different religions are different routes to reach the same goal and we are all traversing in search of the same objective, why do we look down upon other religions? Why is it that some of us are so keen in convincing others into travel in our path? Why is it that we do not bow down to the same Lord who is present and is sought in different places of worship?

Being secular is the right way of life - when we worship the Lord in ways that makes sense to us and allow others to follow their own ways without having a sense of superiority over others. More than tolerance, we need to have acceptance of different approaches. Lord Krishna Himself declares in the Holy Gita that He accepts worship in any form. It is not the language, the words, the names or the methods that matter but the heart full of love and devotion that matters to Him.

“True religion is the life we lead, not the creed we profess.”- Louis Nizer

“The fundamental truth of the Manifestations is peace. This underlies all religion, all justice.” - Abdul-Baha

Welcome the experience

2009-09-08T10:56:00.004+05:30

We all are well aware that, in life, one should expect to see ups and downs. It is a very rare life indeed where there are endless sorrows or unlimited happiness. If we were not to experience sorrow, how will we know the real worth of happiness? Despite knowing this, when sorrow does come our way, we act as if surprised and shocked. It is as if we were expecting our cup of joy to overflow forever..

This somehow reminds me of my school going days. Each day had a set of eight periods where different subjects were taught. Each of us had a favourite subject and a few subjects which we didn't like. Whether we liked it or not, we had to attend each period and pass the tests too. In fact, if we were found to be weak in any subject, we would be subjected to more intense coaching in that subject.

In life, God is our teacher and this world of experiences is our school. In our evolution, it is necessary for us to go through these experiences for us to become better and stronger. The ultimate objective of each soul is to attain God and for us to be ready for that, we must become perfect.

We have to go through all kinds of experiences - positive and negative. It is not as if some will be given special treatment or will "manage" to scrape through without having sad / bad experiences. Yet, the timing of each persons experiences will be different. So, it appears to us that some of us are being unfairly treated by the Lord. People who are enjoying life now would either have already faced the experience in the past or might do so in the future.

Those of us who have learnt the lesson and modified our character accordingly will get other experiences. Those who are slow to learn will get higher and repeated doses of the same experience till the learning is complete. For most of us, it will take multiple lifetimes to fully imbibe what we are being taught.

Welcome each experience and learn new lessons...

What's in your mind?

2009-09-07T12:47:00.007+05:30

This post was inspired by a discourse from Shri Satya Sai Baba beloved Guru of millions across the world

A few years ago, I had been on a trek to the Himalayas along with a group of colleagues. We trekked for about 8 days with a backpack which weighed about 14 Kilos and felt much more!! We covered over 100 kilometers on the mountains and slept in tents braving ice cold winds. On the last day, we had to climb a steep mountain without back packs. Oh, what a relief it was !! The climb seemed like cake walk and we could do it easily without much effort.

Our journey in life too can be a cakewalk if only we shed our burdens and unnecessary backpacks. Over the years, we tend to accumulate a lot of baggage in the form of negative emotions like anger, hatred, envy, grudge etc. and negative memories. While we may have perfectly logical reasons for having these, in reality these become a burden on ourselves. The people whom we envy or hate are not in the least affected by it. They drain us of our energy and end up weighing us down. If we try to live a few days without these accompaniments, we will realise how peaceful life can be.

On the other hand, positive thoughts and feelings are like the walking stick or other forms of support that helps us in the arduous trek of life. When we harbour positive feelings like love and kindness in our minds, we feel lighter and fit enough to take on the world. They give us strength and courage to face any situation. They also give us friends for life who support us through thick and thin and make our journey truly enjoyable.

So, what's in your mind?

Walk the talk

2009-09-06T14:39:00.005+05:30

All of us have one common craving and desire – to be loved and respected. This essentially comes from our ego which craves recognition. One can see this even in small children, by the way they smile and laugh, when we pet and fondle them. There are many ways by which we can get the respect of others. One of them is by having consistency in our behaviour and our speech.

We tend to speak with much enthusiasm and gusto about various topics. Even take the topic of values – each one of us will profess to be having the right values in ourselves. We will also have a view on how one should behave in different situations and circumstances.

The true test comes when we are faced with such situations. At that time, do we practice what we preach? Or do we have different standards and yardsticks for ourselves? I have seen people preaching and advocating non-violence but when a tiny ant bites them for transgressing into its territory, they would immediately retaliate by crushing its life out. I have also seen parents teaching children to not fight but constantly arguing between themselves and showing contrary traits.

Whatever ideals we stand for; whatever characteristics we seek to see in others, should be first incorporated in ourselves. We must become the change we want to see in the world, said Mahatma Gandhi. What better way to preach and teach than by demonstrating values through our own actions? When we thus walk the talk, we gain respect, admiration, love and, above all, following.

“When a man says he approves of something in principle, it means he hasn't the slightest intention of carrying it out in practice” - Otto Von Bismark

“The mediocre teacher tells; The good teacher explains; The superior teacher demonstrates; The great teacher inspires” - Anonymous

“A picture is better than a thousand words, an action better than a thousand pictures” – Vishwanath Seshadri

Whom will you thank?

2009-09-04T12:44:00.002+05:30

When we are born, we come to this world as helpless babies completely dependent on the love and care of our parents. In our early years, we are vulnerable to a host of risks including diseases, accidents etc. The fact that we survived is no credit to us but to those who took care of us.

We came without any special knowledge and did not even know how to converse. It was our parents and teachers who taught us and made us what we are. All through our lives we are learning various skills from others which help us face this world. Our knowledge is entirely gained due to the largesse of others.

Our position in society, our wealth, our health and everything that we claim as ours is gained by us through the contribution of others. If any of us think of ourselves as “self made”, we are only deluding ourselves. We have so much to be grateful for.

It is not enough if we thank people for what they have done for us. A mere “Thanks” cannot compensate for all that we have gained. And yet, how many of us even express our gratitude? In our minds, we should have the humility to accept that our standing and status in society is the charity we have received from others. And in our hearts, we should forever retain the spirit of gratitude.

“Greater than being great is being grateful" - Anonymous

“A single grateful thought raised to heaven, is the most perfect prayer” - Gotthold Ephraim Lessing

"Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but also the parent of all the others." - Cicero

Make time for music

2009-09-03T12:38:00.004+05:30

One of my favourite pass times as a young lad was to listen to music. Those were the days when television was yet to be introduced in the country. So, the radio occupied a special place in the drawing room of every home. I remember switching on the radio soon after waking and listening to all kinds of music programs through the day. I would know by heart the timing of each program and which stations to tune in to at what time. Hindi film songs was my first love and soon carnatic / classical music also caught my fancy. As I grew up pop music came into my life and as I matured, devotional music became my addiction.

It is said that the faculty of hearing is the first to develop and last to die in any body. Perhaps that is the Creator's way of telling us the importance of music. People who have not found the time or the inclination to include music in their lives are missing something big. In my view, music is akin to love. It is necessary to live life fully and its beauty can only be understood by experiencing it.

There are all kinds of music in the world today. Creative people are constantly experimenting and coming up with newer sounds and styles. Not everything that is called music is musical today. Sometimes, in the name of music people do play strange numbers and act even more strangely while singing it. However, even today there are huge number of pure musicians who give us pure joy every time they sing or play their instruments. We are transported into a different world by their music.

It is quite well known that music (of the right kind) gives tremendous positive benefits. It can heal very serious ailments and can calm agitated minds. Music has been used successfully in the past to create fire, produce rains etc. More recently it has been proven that music can improve growth among plants and productivity of cattle. Music essentially brings peace and harmony into our lives. There is a tremendous power in music which can be harnessed for the welfare of the whole world. Even God can't stay away when the prayers are musical.

"Music is enough for a lifetime, but a lifetime is not enough for music" - Sergei Rachmaninov

"Music and rhythm find their way into the secret places of the soul" - Plato

"If music be the food of love, play on,
Give me excess of it; that surfeiting,
The appetite may sicken, and so die." - William Shakespeare

Take my advice

2009-09-02T15:38:00.016+05:30

Tell someone you have a problem and before you have finished talking, you get a load of unwanted opinions & advice (O & A). There are plenty of people with plenty of time and good intentions all around us. They want to guide you, influence you and coax you to lead life as per their recommendations. We see it all the time. Many of us could also be accused of this.

It is as if we are walking encyclopedias who have a solution for every situation. One golden rule about giving O & A is do not offer it unless asked. The only exception could be when dealing with our children or immediate family members. Most of the time people only want to be heard. They want a sympathetic listener not an hyper active counsellor! In fact, an advice will be considered seriously and implemented only if it is earnestly and repeatedly solicited.

The other rule is, after giving the O & A, it should be the recipient's decision on whether to act on it or not. We should not hold a grudge if the advice is ignored or not implemented. After all, it is not our life. The recipient may get multiple O & A and will have to choose based on her resources and constraints.

I would love to hear your view on this.

"Accept good advice gracefully, as long as it does not interfere with what you intend to do" – Anonymous

"When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice." - Marquis de la Grange

Avoid blame game

2009-09-01T16:25:00.005+05:30

Life is uncertain and volatile. In the midst of success, we suddenly see failures or vice versa. In the midst of much happiness, we encounter sad moments or vice versa. When we enjoy success we take full credit on our efforts. Some of us who are magnanimous, do express gratitude to the people who have made our success possible. Some go out of the way to deny all personal credit and acknowledge every possible contact (think of film award ceremonies).

What happens when we encounter problems or failures? Do we introspect on the reasons? Or do we invent excuses? Or blame others? Sometimes, it is easy and convenient to look outside for the reasons of our problems. It makes us feel better if we disclose that the problems were caused by external elements and we had nothing to do with it. How many of us have the sense of responsibility, honesty and courage to admit our shortcomings? Do we go to great lengths to defend ourselves and prove ourselves innocent?

If we tend to blame others incessantly and unnecessarily, we end up antagonising them. No one likes to be blamed. People start avoiding our company fearing the next blame will fall on them. We end up losing our friends and become lonely in life.

If you encounter setbacks or failures, as you sometimes will, curb the first instinct to look for a scapegoat. Think rationally and logically as to what is the cause. Is it a chance event that no one had any control over? Is it a consequence of something that we specifically remember? Is there learning for us? Is there any point crying over spilt milk? This approach will make you balanced and positive. You will end up using the opportunity to become better and find support from others too in your moment of crisis.

"A man can fail many times but he isn’t a failure until he begins to blame somebody else" - John Burroughs

“Fix the problem, not the blame.” - Japanese proverb

How to take feedback

2009-08-31T16:12:00.007+05:30

Each of us, irrespective of what we do in life (unless we have renounced everything), need feedback to find out how well we are progressing. Only people who genuinely care about our well being would take the effort of giving us feedback. Feedbacks are really a reflection of the impression that others have have formed on us. It is in our interest, therefore, to seek feedback regularly and welcome every feedback that comes our way.

Sometimes we may get appreciation and praise from others. At such times, it is important to retain our poise and listen carefully. Our mind should distinguish the genuine admiration from the flattery. We must make it a point to mentally reconfirm whether we share the same belief and, if required, seek clarifications and examples of instances. We should also not brush away praise by appearing too modest.

Usually, we get feedback on our deficiencies and on occasions where we have faltered. The natural reaction, during such times, of defending ourselves needs to be curbed. We should be alert to both the spoken as well as the unspoken words and hear intently to get the full import of the message. Our body language should convey an openness to receiving the feedback. By asking suitable questions, we should remove any lingering doubts on the feedback received.

We must end each feedback session with a heartfelt thanks to the person communicating. Where we agree with the negative feedback, we must quickly admit and respond on how we plan to improve. If we have a different view, we could keep that for discussion at a different time. Listening without defending does not mean we are in agreement with the feedback. In every case, our words and actions should clearly indicate that the message was well received and we have gratitude to the giver.

"Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning" - Bill Gates

Compete with yourself

2009-08-29T14:40:00.008+05:30

A few months ago, a colleague came to me for some advise. He stated that he was very unhappy and wanted my help. I found out he was unhappy because his performance bonus & increment was lower than some of his peers and he had been rated poorly in comparison to his peers.

My advice to him and to all those who suffer on account of such comparisons is that it is incorrect to compare our condition with others. If at all, we should compare our respective achievements and knowledge levels. This kind of comparison will spur us to greater heights. In my view, comparing with anything else is not worth it.

When we compare ourselves with others, it is natural to find that there are some who are better off than us and some who are worse off. It is silly that we get our happiness or sorrow based on the condition of someone else. It is almost impossible for us to be on the top of the heap forever. There will be conditions which come by which someone may be left behind by us and someone may leave us behind.

It is best that we compare our state with our own state in the past. If we have been making progress as per our plan or have been able to maintain our position, we should be satisfied. Each person is running a different kind of race. While someone is making a 100 meter dash, someone else is running a marathon. How then can we compare the postitions of each?

Make yourself happy. Stop comparing with others :))

"Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself." - William Faulkner

"The principle is competing against yourself. It's about self-improvement, about being better than you were the day before." - Steve Young

What's your poison?

2009-08-28T20:45:00.006+05:30

In parties it is fashionable for the host to check the guest's preference of drink by asking this question. Based on each individual's taste, the choice drink is served. There are, of course, some people who ask for non-alcoholic drinks. Such people who are not addicted to alcohol may have some other addiction in their lives.

A few years ago, I used to come home late each night from work and after a quick shower would sit in front of the TV and have my dinner watching an English movie. It was a daily addiction which eat into my family bonding time and I didn't even realise it. After a very long time, it suddenly dawned on me and I curbed this malady of mine.

In life, we often acquire habits and vices without our knowing it. Not all of them can be classified as dangerous or as vices. For some, it could be as simple as the cup of coffee in the morning or reading a newspaper or watching news on TV. For others, it could be vices like smoking, drinking etc. If we do not get our daily fix, we often feel uneasy and upset. Sometimes it manifests as a physical problem too.

It is important for each of us to look within ourselves and check if we have any such addiction. If the addiction is helping us grow into better human beings or it is playing a role in meeting our chosen goal, we may cultivate it. If we find the addiction taking control over us and it is a vice or unnecessary habit, it is best if we ditch it. From time to time we should demonstrate to ourselves that our habits do not control our lives.

"The second half of a man's life is made up of nothing but the habits he has acquired during the first half.” - Fyodor Dostoevsky

"Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going." – Jim Ryun

"Men's natures are alike, it is their habits that carry them far apart." - Confucius

Your time is running out!!

2009-08-28T15:05:00.008+05:30

All of us, who are born into this world, have a common end in death. While the lifespan may differ for each individual, the end game is the same. All around us we notice the inevitable happening in different forms. Each time we see, hear, read or think about death, we should be reminded that we shall also encounter it, sooner or later.

When this realisation hits us, we should be aware that we have a very limited span of life and, therefore, cannot afford to waste our time. Whatever be our chosen field of endeavour, we should be consumed in it as if there is no tomorrow. We cannot afford to postpone things that matter most. For, a time may come for us to say goodbye and leave behind unfinished tasks and unfulfilled promises.

Whatever be your desire - do it today and do it now. If it is a task which would take longer, no time like now to start it. Invest a little time in listing out your priorities. These can be formal as well as informal; official as well as personal; small as well as big. If you want to tell someone that you love them, do it now. If you want to express gratitude, do not delay. At the same time, let this sense of urgency not make you rush through important things.

Take an inventory of all that you do. Chuck out those activities and tasks which have no bearing on your purpose or priority. Make time for the really important tasks. Be aware that time and tide waits for none. While we are lazing around doing nothing or doing perfectly useless things, our clock is steadily ticking away.

"Begin doing what you want to now. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand, and melting like a snowflake" - Marie Beyon Ray

"Every morning you are handed 24 golden hours. They are one of the few things in this world that you get free of charge. If you had all the money in the world, you couldn't buy an extra hour. What will you do with this priceless treasure?" - Author Unknown

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” - Annie Dillard

Stop doing karma

2009-08-26T13:51:00.008+05:30

Hindu philosophy believes in the concept of Karma. Every action has consequences. If we do good deeds, we get good results and vice versa. The result of our actions may happen in the same life or in the next life (Yes, Hindus also believe in reincarnation). Actions become karma only if done with a sense of attachment and expectation. So, for example, if we do charity with the hope that we will be benefited by it, we are creating good Karma.

In effect, therefore, Karma is like a bank account whose balance we can keep increasing by doing good karma and we can keep increasing the negative balance by doing bad karma. However, bad karma cannot be offset with good karma. We have to suffer and enjoy the consequence of both - which probably explains the ups and downs of life.

As long we keep doing karma, we are bound to this existence. Doing good karma may result in our enjoying a better life but it still binds us. As long as we keep taking births, there are chances of us succumbing to temptations or be misled by bad company and end up with bad karma. We also know that as long as we live, we will go through some good and some trying times. How can we break free of this endless cycle?

Our seers have taught us many ways of breaking this cycle of life and death. I would refer to one here as the topic relates to that of karma. Lord Krishna advises Arjuna in the Bhagvad Geeta to keep performing actions without expectations of results. Perform actions / duties without any attachment and do everything as an offering to Me, says Krishna.

If we do this, we stop accumulating new karma. And when we exhaust the fruits of all our past karma, we have broken free. We attain Nirvana or oneness with the Lord. It is the destination that we all are moving towards - consciously or subconsciously. Lets break free of karma and attain final everlasting beatitude.

Ask your conscience

2009-08-25T13:22:00.006+05:30

When values are being discussed, everyone has a view. There are no restrictions of age, sex, colour etc. for having or stating a view. Individual views may differ sometimes due to exposure, local practices, practicality etc. On a broad basis, however, usually there is consensus on what constitutes values and how they may be applied in day to day life.

Everyone (yes, me included) usually also would claim that they are the champions of each value. I have not come across too many people who would candidly confess to violating values. Perhaps, we want to make an impression and build our reputation in society. But in each of our lives, occasionally there arise situations when we are in a dilemma. There are temptations to break values and there are confusions about what is the right value.

At such times, we may not have the courage to seek clarifications or help. How can we then decide what course of action to take? Within each of us, we have a conscience which is like an eternal witness. Our doubts should be addressed to our conscience and we are sure to get the answer as to what is right.

While we may take a purist stance in front of others, it would be worthwhile, from time to time, to ask ourselves as to where do we stand on value adherence. When we know where we stand, it can help us to course correct (should we so desire) and reach the desired levels. At the end of the day, we will stand to benefit when we are honest with ourselves about ourselves.

What's your goal?

2009-08-23T20:57:00.008+05:30

Years ago, I went to an interview and was asked this question. At that time, I had only short term goals and was living life by the day. My immediate thought was to say "My goal is to get this job" but I managed a more polished "I haven't made up my mind on this yet". Later, this question made me think and come to the conclusion that it is indeed important to have a goal in life.

Without a goal, we are aimlessly drifting and our actions seem disoriented. We move from activity to activity in a random manner. Our interests are short term. We soon get bored with them and crave for new interests. Without a goal, we live and exist but do not dream or aspire.

When we have a goal, we are like men possessed. The desire to attain our goal consumes our every waking moment. Even when we are asleep, we dream about our goal. Our minds thinks of a hundred different ways of achieving it. Like Arjuna, who could see nothing but the eye of the bird that he was about to shoot an arrow at, we too develop a sharp focus.

Each of us have taken birth with a purpose. We need to think about it and, if possible, seek help from a Guru to understand it. It should be something that will make our life seem fulfilling. Only when we have taken a decision on this will our life and actions seem more meaningful. And once we have decided on our goal, we have already taken that first big step towards attaining it.

"Give me a stock clerk with a goal and I'll give you a man who will make history. Give me a man with no goals and I'll give you a stock clerk" - J.C. Penney

"You are here for a purpose. There is not a duplicate of you in the whole wide world; there never has been, there never will be. You were brought here now to fill a certain need. Take time to think that over" - Lou Austin

"You are only as strong as your purpose, therefore let us choose reasons to act that are big, bold, righteous and eternal" – Barry Munro

Happiness is a journey

2009-08-22T21:20:00.003+05:30

We sometimes hear people saying I will be happy when I get this or that; when some specific event happens etc. We also hear people saying I was happy when such a thing happened in the past etc. People speak of happiness as an event which has occurred in the past or will occur in the future and lasts for a specific period of time.

Any good feeling, if temporary, is not worth much. So, we should be striving to change the expectation of happiness in terms of time. It should last much longer if not for ever. Also, while striving to achieve future happiness, we tend to sacrifice our present and go through much pain. Unfortunately, even if we do attain happiness it tends to be short lived.

That brings us to the main subject – should happiness be the journey or the destination? I submit that happiness must be also be in the journey. Our life itself is a journey and if we were to make happiness as part of that, it will make our life worthwhile. While we are in the process of achieving our goals and targets, we should attune our minds to seek happiness along the way.

Imagine you are trekking and climbing a mountain. If you are so intent on the climb that you do not notice the scenery around you; the exotic flowers and the rare birds; the cool breeze as you reach higher altitude; the faces of the people who pass you along the way etc., you have missed much of the fun. Take a look around you and you will see joy aplenty and that is sure to give you the joy you are seeking.

In the context of happiness, think “I am” rather than “I was” or “I will”.

Anyone who thinks sunshine is happiness has never danced in the rain - Author Unknown

“Happiness is found in doing, not merely in possessing” - Napoleon Hill

“Remember, happiness doesn’t depend upon who you are or what you have. It depends solely upon what you think” – Dale Carnegie

Enhance your greatest wealth

2009-08-20T12:16:00.003+05:30

What is your greatest wealth - something that is permanent and losing which you lose everything ? Our true wealth is not our possessions represented by money because it can be lost and is not permanent. Also, we can earn it again even if we lose it. It is not our relatives because they will leave us one day. It is not our knowledge because as we age our mind becomes feeble and we may forget it. It is not our health which is so fragile. What, then, is our greatest wealth ?

If we think about it, our real wealth is our character. Our knowledge and learning's are of no use unless it gets converted into practice and becomes our character. Character becomes our unique identifier and wealth too. If we lose it, we may never be able to recover it. If we have it, we do attract all other types of wealth. What is character but a combination of values ? If we embrace good values and inculcate them in our daily thought and behaviour, we indeed become very wealthy.

There are many values that we have spoken about. Each one of us may choose a combination of values that will become a hallmark of our respective character. Mahatma Gandhi chose non-violence and became great. King Harishchandra was known for his commitment to truth and King Yudhisthir for his steadfast adherence to Dharma. Determination and courage describes the character of Abraham Lincoln. What will we be known by? The choice rests entirely with us to acquire a stainless character.

Choose to see the omnipresent Lord in all beings and thereby become selfless. Look at our fellow beings with love, speak words of love, think of the well being of all and give up unholy desires and traits. Each one of us has the power to become great and promote our greatest wealth. You and I can make this world more beautiful and peaceful by leading a life of values.

Think Win-Win

2009-08-19T12:04:00.004+05:30

Some people think saying no is difficult and saying yes is easy. However, there are situations when we find ourselves often saying no. Take for example a parent responding to a child's requests. Another example that comes to mind is when we are in the process of negotiating for purchase, sale etc. In such situations, we find it difficult to come to an agreement. Only weak negotiators say yes easily. Most smart ones will try to extract their pound of flesh before grudgingly saying yes.

I read an interesting book called "Getting to Yes" a few years ago. The author describes the process of arriving at an agreement. He says that unless we want an aimless and endless discussion, we must strive to conclude the deal. My big take away from the book is that we should think win-win. If we are only thinking of our interests, we would find it difficult to strike deals. We also would have a lot of people with grouses against us.

Even as we prepare for a discussion, we should consider what the other party's reasonable expectations could be in addition to listing out our requirements. In our minds, we should think of a position which would be acceptable to both parties. When we are discussing each others demands, we should also probe / disclose possible reasons for our respective expectations. When we know why someone needs something, we can think of alternate ideas to fulfill the same.

I read a story of a girl and her brother who arrived home famished and both claimed a single apple that was in the fridge. In normal circumstances, they would have ended up sharing half an apple each. But when they discussed their requirements, it turned out that the girl only wanted the skin to bake a pie and the boy only wanted the flesh to make a milk shake. With this discovery, they both got what they wanted. Otherwise, they would have come to a sub-optimal solution.

When we think win-win, we are thinking solutions. Instead of being stuck in positions and appearing adamant, we are taking a step forward and looking positive. Everyone is happy with the outcome. Our gains and victories need not come with a loss or pain to others.

Art of saying no

2009-08-18T12:03:00.004+05:30

Swami Vivekananda had said that everyone has good intentions and every action begins with a good intention. All of us crave to be recognised as good and nice people. Sometimes we put ourselves in trouble or inconvenience because of this. In order to please people, some of us tend to say yes for everything. Even if we disagree with someone, we pretend to agree so as to not hurt the speaker. Similarly, when we are asked to do something, we find it hard to refuse.

I remember when I was a youngster; a few of my 'friends' tried to cajole me into smoking my first puff. Thanks to fear of my mother, I managed to say no to smoking despite a huge pressure on me. If I had succumbed to their persistent efforts, I might have ended up being addicted to this and spoilt my health in the bargain. Yet, there have been times when I found it difficult to take an opposite view. Fear of peers, bosses and significant others getting upset with a refusal is a very strong reason why we tend to say yes quickly.

The ability to say no is an important and useful trait. What also matters is how we say no. One has to be tactful and refuse without appearing hesitant. The ability to put across our refusal along with a proper reason for it would usually do. In fact, before we agree or disagree, it would make sense to think through. Giving an impromptu response is best avoided unless one is already thought about it and taken a decision.

Contrary to what some of us believe, people do not hate us for saying no. Many people appreciate our confidence and honesty. Rather than saying yes and not honouring our commitment by giving last minute excuses, it is much better to say no and stick to it. The intention of this blog is not to encourage readers to say no every time to everyone. The idea being conveyed is that, occasionally and when appropriate, we should be willing to politely decline without any feelings of guilt or fear lingering in our minds.

Sharpening the saw

2009-08-17T12:02:00.004+05:30

As a young boy, it was my dream to finish education soon and start working. School seemed so boring and people who are working seemed to really enjoy themselves. I suppose each one of us goes through such thoughts. When I went for my first interview, I realised how little I knew. Whatever I had learnt and prepared for, were not the subjects discussed in the interview!! In the various jobs that I have worked in, I understood that unless one is abreast of the developments in ones field, one gets left behind in the career.

There is a story of a woodcutter who thought he can become more productive if he cuts trees non-stop. After a few days, he knew that it is necessary to sharpen the saw in order to become more efficient. This is true for all of us irrespective of what is our chosen goal. We need to keep learning and sharpening the saw.

There are very few gifted people with razor sharp memories who remember everything that they have learnt. For the vast majority of us, we remember the broad concepts and forget the details over time. Therefore, it becomes necessary to brush up and re-learn whatever we have already learnt from time to time. One way to do this is to involve the concepts in our day to day work. That way we stay in touch. The other methods are to take time to read, discuss, think and teach about the subject of our interest.

Besides the above, it is also important to learn about the new developments in our chosen field. Books, Magazines, Journals, Internet etc. provide rich information about the changes. One should cultivate the habit of being in touch with the subject and learn new skills. Our ability to talk with confidence on our subject and hold the interest of our audience is enhanced if we are obsessed with learning. Never stop learning.

“Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.” - Eleanor Roosevelt

“Leadership and learning are indispensable to each other” - John F Kennedy

Learning is weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily - Chinese Proverb

Practice makes us perfect

2009-08-14T11:33:00.005+05:30

Lord Krishna, while answering Arjuna's question on how to control the mind, tells him in Bhagvad Geeta that, although mind control is indeed very difficult, it can be achieved through Abhayasa Yoga (constant practice). We can draw an inference from here that any task can be accomplished if we are sincere and serious about it and practice it.

Every task looks difficult in the beginning. When I began learning driving, I found it very difficult to coordinate the hand, feet and eyes. If I had to change the gear, I would look down and the vehicle would move dangerously to the other side of the road !! With continuous practice, I became an expert driver. Likewise, when we attempt anything new, it seems like a complicated task. That should not deter us. It should rather make us more determined. As we repeatedly practice and perform it, we become masters at it.

I once heard some one saying that for every task there are four stages. The first stage is one of unconscious incompetence - when we don’t know that we are not competent. If we have not tried to do something, we may not know that we don't know. The next stage is conscious incompetence - when we discover that we are incompetent. After practice, we move into a stage of conscious competence - when we are good at doing something.

The fourth stage is the most interesting - when something becomes second nature to us. We can do it without making any conscious effort. It is like sub-consciously chanting your prayers without paying attention and the mind wandering somewhere else. After some time, we discover that we have finished chanting but the satisfaction that comes from having the consciousness is missing. It will be good if we can restrain ourselves from moving into the fourth stage.

" When you are not practicing, remember, someone somewhere is practicing, and when you meet him he will win "- Ed Macauley

"I am not afraid of a fighter who knows thousand different types of kicks, but I am afraid of one who has practiced a kick thousands of times" - Bruce Lee

"Living a life of values becomes easy if we continuously practice it with determination" - Vishwanath Seshadri

Beauty in modesty

2009-08-13T12:00:00.006+05:30

According to a popular saying in Tamil, a woman's real beauty lies in her modesty. I think that modesty as a characteristic makes everyone attractive and appealing. People possessing this trait feel no need to publicize their beauty or accomplishments. They typically seek to underplay things and prefer to let their actions speak for themselves. Leaders do not talk about what is already done. Their minds are set on the next goal.

Contrast this with people who rush to stake their claim to everything. Their self disclosure becomes boring very soon. They have such a low self esteem that they want a constant reinforcement for themselves. Even if they have no talent or have not actively contributed, they would love to be claim credit for every achievement. Most of their sentences begins with "I".

People normally do have a view about each other. They know who is capable and competent and who is not. They know each others abilities and character. No one forms a view based on our respective claim to fame. In such circumstances, isn't it better to be humble and silent about ourselves? Do we achieve anything by talking about ourselves? When someone boasts of a certain trait, it could provoke people to dismiss it or attempt to disprove it.

When other people discover our beauty, talent or traits by observation, they will automatically appreciate us and even inform others in passing. By not disclosing it ourselves, we are giving others a chance to talk about it which makes it far more credible. After all, true beauty cannot remain hidden for long, can it ?

"It was pride that changed angels into devils; it is humility that makes men as angels" – St Augustine

"Your greatness is measured by your kindness; your education and intellect by your modesty; your ignorance is betrayed by your suspicions and prejudices, and your real caliber is measured by the consideration and tolerance you have for others." - William Boetcker

"Only an attitude of mind free from egoism, ostentation and attachment can be called humility." - Sri Satya Sai Baba

Silence ushers peace

2009-08-11T12:24:00.010+05:30

We live in a fast paced activity packed world. Everyone seems to be in a tearing hurry and wants to achieve much in a short time frame. It is a age of "instant" everything. This is especially true for urban and developed centers. For instance, I have seen people commuting in public transportation, listening to their music system and reading some magazine and texting messages at the same time.

When we tax and push our brains to the limit in this manner, it leaves us dizzy and stressed. We are overcome with fatigue but we fight it off with some medication. In the hope of living life to the fullest, we end up with health issues affecting body and mind. In such situations, is it a wonder that we become irritable and with low tolerance levels ?

Mahatma Gandhi used to observe silence one day a week. On such days, he would avoid verbal communication and used to write if there was a dire need. In silence, his entire system would slow down. This is like a combination of meditation and fasting. It gave him huge strength and courage to face the challenges of the world. Yet, it made him peaceful, calm and controlled. There is a free 10 day course on Vipassana Meditation, available in India and few other countries, which uses silence very effectively.

When we practice silence, we are really going deeply inwards. Our other senses get enhanced and we absorb much more. We start observing our thoughts as they arise without feeling the urge to do anything about it. When we practice silence, we learn to accept things as they are without being reactive. Silence is the process through which we communicate to God.

“In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in a clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness. Our life is a long and arduous quest after truth.” - Mahatma Gandhi

"It is better to be silent and be considered a genius, than speaking aloud and disclosing our ignorance" - Vishwanath Seshadri

Tolerance makes us strong

2009-08-09T14:04:00.002+05:30

When we see an unacceptable behaviour, we typically begin to get hot under the collar. We lose our patience and begin to fume. Depending on the level of irritation and the situation, we may get provoked to speak out our minds and even take other forms of action. Taking the initiative to make a change is good. It indicates courage and a spirit of bravado. I am reminded of many revolutionary freedom movements which were successful due to this.

However, intolerance is good only in certain situations. If this becomes our second nature, it could lead serious consequences and breakup of relationships. I have seen people priding themselves in being intolerant. They make statements like “I just can’t tolerate this” or “I have tolerated this for too long”. There are many situations where tolerance is a virtue and makes us stronger.

The key requirements for tolerance are patience, maturity and a broad mind. Instead of being reactive, if we become “reflective”, it will help us see things with a wider perspective. Viewed with a long term perspective, small irritants seem insignificant. We learn to take things lightly and overlook them. In children, we see high levels of tolerance as they do not have high expectations and they have the knack of acceptance.

With tolerance, we gain control over ourselves. People who have control over themselves are strong indeed and have the magnetism to be able to control others. When we are tolerant, people get a sense of comfort dealing with us. Our relationship network expands and so does our ability to influence others.

“Until you have learned to be tolerant with those who do not always agree with you, you will be neither successful nor happy” - Napoleon Hill

"The highest result of education is tolerance." - Helen Keller

“He that can't endure the bad will not live to see the good.” Yiddish Proverb

“In the practice of tolerance, one’s enemy is one’s best teacher” - Anonymous